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AIBU?

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Original poster

Let down by sister

103 replies

Cosmos1982 · 08/01/2025 14:19

Im so upset and disappointed.
My sister is older than me and we have kids at either end of the scale- hers leaving/left home, mine primary/baby. She has never had a night away from her kids, she refused to start work at the contracted time in the mornings because she wanted to see her DS off to sch (at the time he was 17), so many examples like this. They come first before everything and everyone.

We live on other sides of the country and it’s hard to see each other (maybe once a year we manage).
We’ve been trying to plan to have a holiday with other family. Where we settled on is only about an hour or so away from my sister and so I texted her all enthusiastic saying that it would be amazing to see them at the same time, they could come and stay for a few nights, or do some day trips. It’s also around a big birthday of hers.
She replied saying it’s not possible for her to commit. DS has exams and she’s not the sort of person to celebrate birthdays. She thanked me for thinking of her, she did she’d try and work out a way of seeing us but can’t commit.
Im just so upset by this and at the end of my tether. Her DS will be 18 ffs. AIBU to think she could take a day trip to see us, not ‘try to’ but actually ‘yes that would be brill’?! Or even, shock horror, have a night away? It feels like she’s totally unbothered about seeing us. The thing is,
this isn’t the first time she has disappointed me with this kind of thing and it feels like every time I put myself out there, even when I’ve really needed her support, it’s not enough to leave her kids for even a day. Am I reacting too badly?

OP posts:
username299 · 08/01/2025 14:25

My aunt refused to go on holiday in case her children needed her. They were in their 50s. For some people their children are their whole life and they can't bear to miss a second away from them.

She was never going to say yes.

Bodybutterblusher · 08/01/2025 14:25

If he's 18, these exams are A Levels. The whole house walks on egg shells at such a time. Everything is kept calm and predictable. Many mothers wouldn't agree to wider family descending at that moment and would want to be around to provide last minute prep support, debrief support, square meals and early nights. It's a really stressful time for mothers as they struggle to maintain the appearance of being in a zen like state and it sounds like her children require a lot of her at the best of times. She probably doesn't have the bandwidth. I think you're being quite thoughtless.

CornishPorsche · 08/01/2025 14:21

You already knew she wouldn't do this though, let's get realistic. Why would it change for this one event?

You need to manage your expectations of someone you already know won't participate. She's not interested in anyone else. That's her choice. You don't have to include her in things anymore!