Can’t get my child to school

It would be rare for a psychiatrist to be directly involved in supporting a return to school, so I'm not surprised that they don't have much knowledge about that side of things. I obviously don't know how the system works there, but here schools can access OT, SLT and Educational Psychology. Clinical psychology might be accessed through school or through your daughter's psychiatrist.

They don't necessarily need to be experts on PANS. occupational therapists have expertise with sensory issues and motor skills, which can be difficulties with PANS. Clinical psychologists know about supporting mental health issues like anxiety. Educational psychologists have knowledge on adapting the educational environment to meet a child's needs. Speech and language therapists can help with any issues with disfluency or other speech symptoms that PANS can cause. Are any of these specialists involved?

Please ignore them. They're being sarcastic. And extremely insensitive x

My son was aged 8 got Ill and was extremely fatigued with aches and pains. He wasn’t diagnosed with post viral fatigue until 9 months later. He had to go part time at school a d slowly (over two years) build up to full time school again. He has anxiety traits anyway but feeling tired and achy yet having to be at school fosters greater anxiety and a feeling of overwhelm at scho which means not learning anyway. my son is now at high school and had a relapse so is on reduced timetable again. But I know he can and will slowly build up to full time again and catch up with education (he does workbooks at home).

my advice is - I would be led by the child …. If you force schooling when your child isn’t feeling physically great and is anxious it could cause bigger issues. Health comes first. involve GP to check on physical health. Ask your daughter how she feels. Get advice on anxiety. Could sensory processing issues be involved (also a factor for my child) . Look up sensory processing disorder (SPD) on YouTube. Everything made worse by not feeling too well. I would recommend a reduced timetable slowly building up to full time. Be child led for now. No child will learn anything at school if they are so distressed and anxious anyway so no point being there whilst crying. Get support. Best of luck to you both xx

Sorry to hear your DD is anxious and unsettled with school. I didn't want to read and run but my DD was the same when she started reception class. She would be upset in the morning when getting dressed for school. When we arrived at the school gate she would cling onto me, cry, feel anxious. She went into school but I would get a phone call to collect her. I would reassure her everytime. This went on for months. Had a meeting with the school and she only went in for the mornings then gradually over time, she stayed for lunch and finally the whole day when she settled in. At the time she was extremely clingy due to losing her baby brother. We lost him 18 months before. Do you feel your DD is anxious due to school because she has been poorly. Personally, I would have a chat with the school and see if she can go in for a couple of hours and over time, build it up when she is ready. Tell her, you will be at school by a certain time. Also my DD was allowed to wear a little watch and I would tell her I would be at school at a certain time. It helped her. My DD is 18 now so a long time ago.

Could you go in to the class room with her for a day or two or some mornings till she feels more settled? Could school allow this?

Home school her. She has been through a lot and is telling you she can't cope with school at the minute. There are different ways to socialise and not all children have the same want to socialise with other kids. Long term stress and anxiety can lead to physical illness. Don't worry about falling behind. She's only little and her mental health is more important. School will be there when she is ready. If not there are online schools etc

Look at this https://www.supportservicesforeducation.co.uk/page/20029

A gentle conversation with her that school is non-negotiable, and another conversation with the school to agree strategy and support. Don’t weaken!

I just thought having a buddy might help. I appreciate it couldn't be long term. My DS was a reading buddy at primary school for another pupil and it worked really well. I appreciate that times have changed.

@Bodybutterblusher experts who treat the condition OPs DD has have advised her child needs far more expert support for a graduated school return. None have said that home education is the solution here.

Most home ed situations are not intentional; that makes no difference. Many home ed parents have found themselves in this situation because school wasn't the right environment for their child to learn in and in desperation they tried something different to manage the anxiety levels and turn things around. You're clearly unable to imagine a child whose needs couldn't be met, or wouldn't be met, by school. Also anxiety that is unmanageable but without a manipulative element. That's fine, lots of people haven't experienced these things but what you shouldn't do is assume you know what it's like to have a child in this position. It's not a question of grinning and bearing it.

Because if you can’t add anything to an already emotionally exhausting situation, why just pout judgement on.

i can guarantee you have no experience of a school refuser from your response.

As a trained teacher I can tell you that most of the training you do is about managing a class full (30 pupils ) of very different needs, how to manage and control behaviour.
Very often teachers end up teaching subjects they may not have a good grasp of themselves. And will be using online resources in class to deliver the subject.
All of which I am fully able to access online as I home educating my own children. But as my own children are far less than 30 it means I don't have to manage behaviour in the same way and that I can tailor to the interests and need far more effectively.

It's a lot of work and not an easy choice.but sometimes it is the only option.

Hopefully @Palmtreesinthewinds will be able to resolve the situation over time but it isn't a simple as just making child go

This is eminently sensible.

tbh, I don’t even know you need to ask permission - pull out to home school and put her in language learning classes which emphasise fun and restart next year.

Learning another language fluently is a brilliant skill and enhances her brain in all kinds of ways - don’t get her put off by forcing her to struggle endlessly.

I'm afraid I would be firm but fair and I wouldn't let her know that I'm prepared to give in at all. I have to do that with one of my children and the message does sink in eventually - a simple 'I'm sorry you don't like it but the more you miss, the more you will have to catch up on and the more isolated you will be, so the only way to fix this is to go to school' and then brook no further argument. Put on your big girl pants when she cries and drop and go - I know its so hard and you don't want to feel like you're abandoning them but children to have to learn that being uncomfortable is ok and you have to work through it. If there is no good reason for her to be off school then off she goes.

Well, no. I expect teachers to have received specific training in how to teach, by spending 1-4 years doing either the PGCE post-grad year or by doing a teaching degree. Not just by receiving a standard education up to the age of 18. As I haven’t done that I don’t think I’m qualified to teach my kids as well as a teacher could. I could probably teach a bright and engaged 6 year old, but if I was faced with a kid who was struggling I wouldn’t know the best ways/techniques to help them.

I’m sorry you have received so many unpleasant and ill informed comments. Though it’s good to see some helpful responses, such as the gentle approach that@Newyeargymwanker described which you may be able to implement eventually.

Unlike some PPs I don’t think the second language is the heart of the problem. It sounds as though her conversational skills are fine, and at her age her overall proficiency will improve easily with a bit more time and interaction. Moving to a new school at this stage (or as some have suggested, moving to another country) could increase rather than reduce her anxiety. Familiarity with her surroundings may be more reassuring for her.

I would try to maintain a low demand environment for her as much as possible and also try to access play therapy if it is available. A gradual return to school would be ideal, but it sounds as though she really can’t cope with school quite yet. I hope the teacher gives you a helpful response to your email.

Some unkind and ill informed responses on here from people who clearly have not experienced anything similar. Your poor little girl has had an awful lot to deal with and you are absolutely right to want to minimise any more trauma for her.
So given that returning to the UK or going to a British school is out of the question, what might work is a VERY gentle reintroduction to school.
Assuming that the school will accommodate:
Identify something in the school day that she enjoys (storytime? playtime?) and arrange to take her just for that. Maybe a couple of times a week to start with. Tell her that she is just going for that one thing and you are waiting for her (maybe in the school reception - might have to be outside the classroom door to start with).
If that works a few times, start adding on a bit before and a bit after. Once she is confident and staying happily you can leave her but reassure her you will be back at x time.
You might end up with half days for the latter part of this year, but then hopefully from the new school year she will be more confident and maybe ready to go all day. Alternatively you might have to start with part days and build up from there.
This is written from direct experience, it might not work but from what you've said I would see it as having the best chance of success. Good luck with it all and hope your little girl is better soon.