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Original poster

My 22 year old Son

32 replies

ElizabethHoward · 08/01/2025 09:02

My 22 year old son works full-time. He has recently moved his girlfriend into my home with my consent. She started a new job and finished after three weeks. She is now lying in bed all day and has no money coming in. I lost my husband, my son's dad to a fatal heart attack in front of us two years ago. He has had mental health issues which is understandable. But now I find myself in a situation where he is going to work full time and his girlfriend is lying in bed all day. I take a small amount of money off him and she has paid me 150 pound for the three months she has been living in my home. Neither of them contribute to the daily chores so I am on my own. I would appreciate any guidance. Generally I would ask my elder children but I don't want to put them in a position that would damage there relationship with their youngest brother. Kind regards.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 08/01/2025 09:17

Have you sat them both down and talked to them?

NewYearNewName2025 · 08/01/2025 09:15

Time to lay out your expectations around being in a household together, both financial and practical tasks too. If she doesn't contribute money she needs to do chores whilst she's looking for another job. She can't expect free housing if she's able to work! I wonder if her parents kicked her out because she was like that with them?

Onlycoffee · 08/01/2025 09:11

Have you spoken to your son? What do you want? Have you communicated this?

It is reasonable to expect your son and his gf to help with chores and contribute financially.

Be clear, tell your son what you want and the consequences if it doesn't happen.

Is the gf depressed or ill in any way?
Lying in bed all day isn't helpful for anyone but as long as you get help with the chores and financially compensated, she can do what she wants the rest of the time.

Maddy70 · 08/01/2025 09:09

Is she keeping out of your way by staying in their room?

You need to have a sit down with them both and lay down some ground rules.

Eg they are responsible for hoovering , cooking 3 meals a week etc or whatever you think is reasonable.
A lack of communication is the problem here

Jc2001 · 08/01/2025 09:07

Ilovethatbear · 08/01/2025 09:05

You tell him it isn’t working out. She has to leave by the end of the month.

Bear minimum get out of bed and help around the house. They both need to contribute more to the household chores.

Comedycook · 08/01/2025 09:06

I'd tell her she needs to leave...in fact I'd go wake her up and tell her she needs to pack up her stuff and be gone.

As your ds works and gives you some money, I'd let him stay. You say he doesn't do chores...in that case, don't cook for him or do his laundry if you are already doing that.

Ilovethatbear · 08/01/2025 09:05

You tell him it isn’t working out. She has to leave by the end of the month.