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Boyfriends group chat

68 replies

Darlista · 07/01/2025 22:17

My boyfriend and father to my child is in a group chat with a few of his male friends. In this group chat is typical 'lad' (🤮) behaviour - crude jokes, nude photos of naked wrestler women but also photos of their family and wrestling chat. None of this affects me in any way, other than it's a bit immature.
What does bother me is that every now and again, the other boys will send current photos of women my boyfriend has had history with, into the chat, usually making fun of them.
My boyfriend doesn't respond to these messages, only responds to the wrestling ones. But am I unreasonable to think that it's disrespectful to be in there and not remove himself, or even just pull them up on why they are sending these photos of these women ? There are none from women in hus friends history.
He thinks I'm out of order because I'm angry at him, weve got in an argument, and because he's protesting he's in the right I've called him a few names in frustration. Am I out of order here? I'm happy to accept this if the majority agree!

Just to add, I’m also unhappy about the ‘jokes’ the post about these women, without their knowledge.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 07/01/2025 23:27

He's not responsible for what his dickhead mates are posting in the group and if he's not responding to their posts, I can't see what he's done wrong to be honest, except being friends with dickheads!

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:27

catphone · 07/01/2025 23:25

What do you think about my comment

I agree with what you are saying about him not caring about my feelings enough. Or at least he cares more about not upsetting these men over my feelings.
I’m not sure about what you mean by ‘there’s more’ though.
For context boyfriend doesn’t go out, meet these friends, or hang around with them any more. I think they are school friends/old friends who were also wrestling fans.

OP posts:
lto2019 · 07/01/2025 23:25

He and his friends sound like utter dicks. He has left the group but I bet you any money he will re join it.

catphone · 07/01/2025 23:25

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:15

He has now left the chat. I’m still massively upset it took me being upset and frustrated to do it. And I feel controlling and possessive and insecure. All things of which I’m not.

What do you think about my comment

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:23

HolyPeaches · 07/01/2025 23:13

Wow.

I’m sorry OP, but he really needs to leave the chat if his mates continue this type of behaviour. And he absolutely needs to grow some balls and call them out. It’s actually quite disturbing.

Imagine if you give birth to a daughter. Would he be happy to know that pictures of his (adult/teen) daughter were shared around with males in a group chat to be laughed at?

We have a beautiful daughter, as do some of the men in the chat. They even post photos of their children int his same chat.

I know for a fact he would never want any one to upset her in her life. I just wish he would feel the same about me.

OP posts:
IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 07/01/2025 23:18

Repellant, repugnant, emotionally challenged and stunted pathetic excuses for men have group chats like this, refer to their friends as 'the boys' and exchange pictures and messages of this nature - you have, unfortunately, landed yourself one of these. Let it slither back into the gutter and search for something more akin to a decent human being. Yuk!

pPenelope · 07/01/2025 23:18

Had one of those too, OP. Group chat included pictures of women, dehumanising language about women and lots of joking about sex ans looks. Just guys’ banter although out of these ‘guys’ 3/5 are divorced after repeated infidelities despite having children. Does he go on European stag dos by any chance?!

PeriPeriMam · 07/01/2025 23:16

So much going on around a group chat..... Naked wrestler women. Pictures of his ex's and them all making fun of the ex's. Him not joining in but saying to you these women are the village nutters (who, he has been involved with at some point despite saying they are nutters, will he be calling you a village nutters once you're through? Will his mates be making fun of you similarly?), him not calling his friends out because they all think this is totally normal, and you also state that it's generally a normal mens group chat.

He doesn't sound like a great catch x

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:15

He has now left the chat. I’m still massively upset it took me being upset and frustrated to do it. And I feel controlling and possessive and insecure. All things of which I’m not.

OP posts:
Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:13

ElizabethTaylorsEyebrow · 07/01/2025 23:12

I could never fancy a laddish man like this.

Sorry I know that doesn’t help! But honestly all of the stuff in the group chat sounds equally off-putting to me. Not sure why you’re singling out the thing about the exes.

I’ve not seen him post any laddish stuff. He said it started off as a wrestling group chat.

But I totally agree. Even him being in this group chat is a huge turn off.

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 07/01/2025 23:13

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:09

Pushing 40!

Wow.

I’m sorry OP, but he really needs to leave the chat if his mates continue this type of behaviour. And he absolutely needs to grow some balls and call them out. It’s actually quite disturbing.

Imagine if you give birth to a daughter. Would he be happy to know that pictures of his (adult/teen) daughter were shared around with males in a group chat to be laughed at?

ElizabethTaylorsEyebrow · 07/01/2025 23:12

I could never fancy a laddish man like this.

Sorry I know that doesn’t help! But honestly all of the stuff in the group chat sounds equally off-putting to me. Not sure why you’re singling out the thing about the exes.

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:11

catphone · 07/01/2025 23:09

If you don’t agree with what he’s been doing here there will be other things you don’t know about. It doesn’t upset him that’s why he hasn’t done anything

Edited

I dont think there are other things in all honestly. But this alone is enough for me to be pissed off.

OP posts:
CheekyHobson · 07/01/2025 23:11

Because in started to beleive that I’m just a nagging cow.

Do you mean 'Because I'm being made to feel that I'm just a nagging cow'?

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:09

HolyPeaches · 07/01/2025 23:08

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but how old are they all?

It sounds like juvenile misogynistic shit that a bunch of 17 year olds would find funny.

Pushing 40!

OP posts:
catphone · 07/01/2025 23:09

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:08

Dig for what exactly?

But I agree. He’s known previously it upset me. Instead of doing something about it, he did nothing. And he feels that’s enough.

If you don’t agree with what he’s been doing here there will be other things you don’t know about. It doesn’t upset him that’s why he hasn’t done anything

Bankholidayhelp · 07/01/2025 23:08

Say you split up, will pics of you become the fodder for the group chat?

It's gross really.

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:08

BBQPete · 07/01/2025 23:08

In this group chat is typical 'lad' (🤮) behaviour - crude jokes, nude photos of naked wrestler women

and

But I don’t want to be labeled as being ‘jealous’ or making a deal of something that ‘all’ men’s group chat do.

Just so you know, "all" men (or lads) don't have group chats with pictures of naked women in. Nor do they have group chats to mock various women.

There are also plenty of men who would object if someone in their chat did either of these.

Oh I know! And I’ve told him this

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 07/01/2025 23:08

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but how old are they all?

It sounds like juvenile misogynistic shit that a bunch of 17 year olds would find funny.

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:08

catphone · 07/01/2025 23:05

My ex was abusive and he would often argue that he wasn’t responsible for others actions like when women he was previously involved with were flirting with him and he was condoning it funny how he’s got no problem speaking up for himself in other circumstances, he picked and chose and that’s for a reason you are right to be angry cos if he had a problem he would’ve said or done something about it. I suggest you do some more digging into what else he’s been doing

Dig for what exactly?

But I agree. He’s known previously it upset me. Instead of doing something about it, he did nothing. And he feels that’s enough.

OP posts:
BBQPete · 07/01/2025 23:08

In this group chat is typical 'lad' (🤮) behaviour - crude jokes, nude photos of naked wrestler women

and

But I don’t want to be labeled as being ‘jealous’ or making a deal of something that ‘all’ men’s group chat do.

Just so you know, "all" men (or lads) don't have group chats with pictures of naked women in. Nor do they have group chats to mock various women.

There are also plenty of men who would object if someone in their chat did either of these.

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:06

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/01/2025 23:05

I'm now curious about nude photos of wrestler women 😅. Might have to Google that

I’ve honestly no idea myself 😂

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 07/01/2025 23:05

I'm now curious about nude photos of wrestler women 😅. Might have to Google that

catphone · 07/01/2025 23:05

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:02

I’ve asked why is it only these women they make fun of and he’s said it’s because they are the ‘village nutters’ so to speak. Which I believe says a LOT about him.
These women, in all honestly do seem like they have personal issues going on (even more reason to not make fun of them imo), so he’s saying it’s nothing to do with him, and as he’s not the one making fun of them, he’s done nothing wrong, he’s not disrespecting me.

Edited

My ex was abusive and he would often argue that he wasn’t responsible for others actions like when women he was previously involved with were flirting with him and he was condoning it funny how he’s got no problem speaking up for himself in other circumstances, he picked and chose and that’s for a reason you are right to be angry cos if he had a problem he would’ve said or done something about it. I suggest you do some more digging into what else he’s been doing

Darlista · 07/01/2025 23:02

I’ve asked why is it only these women they make fun of and he’s said it’s because they are the ‘village nutters’ so to speak. Which I believe says a LOT about him.
These women, in all honestly do seem like they have personal issues going on (even more reason to not make fun of them imo), so he’s saying it’s nothing to do with him, and as he’s not the one making fun of them, he’s done nothing wrong, he’s not disrespecting me.

OP posts: