Should I bring her along to my coffee meet up?

Very kind but I don't think making friends with your friends will really help her much.
Its too complicated with her relationship with your son. Do you really want you or your friends to hear all her issues with your son?

Have you got a local MIND? They have groups for people that she might enjoy. While your intentions are good I also would be a bit wary of getting too involved here.

It is amazing to think of her but I think it would be better to find her opportunities for her own age / interests and support her in going to these. You are building her into your family and her whole life will collapse if your son and her break up. She needs to be independent from you.

This is going to end in disaster.

Do you honestly think they will be together forever.

Her whole life depends on you and your son.

You've been amazing to her but I'd worry what will happen when they break up.

Sorry not an answer to your question.

I think that this is too risky because you and your family/friends being all that she has makes her very vulnerable and they are still very young. Who knows if they will still be together in a few months. Being so incorporated in your lives could stop her from leaving your son though if she wanted to and it would make her absolutely devestated if he left her and took it all away from her again.

I think you can encourage her to spread her wings and give her ideas of where/how to do that but she needs to have a life that is separate from yours and your son's too.

You sound too involved and you seem to be taking on responsibilities that are more appropriate for a mother/daughter relationship than a son's mother / son's girlfriend one.

I too agree that your son might be actually expressing his girlfriend's opinions and your insistence is of course well-intentioned but might be awkward for the girlfriend to say no to. Particularly if she struggles with social skills.

Put the offer out there and let her take it up or not. Don't explain, don't try to persuade. And if your offers keep getting rejected, take the hint.

Perhaps just be mindful that they’re young and the relationship might not last. DS may well be feeling pressured into staying with her against his wishes if she’s very intertwined with you and your social kife

I think it’s a lovely idea and you sound very kind, but it is probably overstepping. If you ask her, she may well feel obliged to agree because it would be awkward for her to say no. But introducing her to women in their 40s is not going to fix the problems she has which are probably deep and complex. I wouldn’t try to be her friend, because that isn’t your role. Your role is to support your son and of course to be a caring and supportive person for his partner, but with appropriate boundaries.

I would encourage her to work, study, volunteer, go to an exercise class, join a gym, join a club, go to the library, etc. You can do many of these things with her but I think I would focus on enabling her to make her own friends rather than making your friends her friends.

Your too involved.

She's your son's girlfriend not yours.

He's not trying to stop her making new friends. Just trying to stop his mother becoming completely enmeshed in a relationship with someone he is going out with.

Of course people from different age groups can get on really well, have lots to talk about, and even become friends, but that generally comes around a common interest or hobby rather than your boyfriends mother taking you for coffee with her friends. If the OP wants to help and support 'Alice', there are better ways to do it than this.

I wouldn't take her.

If she's not able to take steps to socialise on her own, this just enables her.

Maybe suggest things she can do on her own without you or DS, so she builds hey own social life independent of your family.

There are quite a few Facebook groups, some to make friends and some around specific hobbies/interests.

I say this from experience, as I've been on 2 getaways with ladies I just met in August last year. 2 more planned for this year and a few meet ups in between have happened.

Take her!!! Mumsnet proves older and younger women can have a LOT to talk about together. And keep an eye on that - him trying to stop her from blossoming out and making new friends might need dealing with. He does not get to say where she goes or who she sees. I know he's your son - but eyes open.

My wife is a youth worker and many of the young people she works with are care leavers.

Her project's remit is to provide support to yp aged 11-25 so your son's gf will meet that criteria.

I know in many areas youth work services have been decimated but it will be worth you doing some research to find out if there is a support system available.

Her MH.history should open doors to some kind of support though it's not easy to find.

You are so kind to welcome her but like pp I would say, proceed with caution.

I think you should be encouraging her to do something else. It's a really kind offer but there is such an age difference and if it's a weekly meet up or could get awkward.

Can you suggest she does some sort of volunteering - maybe with animals or kids. Something she can meet other people but there is a focus on something socialising.

Or so a class at gym etc. Yoga, dance - is Zumba still a thing?

Ah, I missed that bit.

In which case that’s not an issue, but I echo what others have said about not making Alice overreliant on you. Perhaps find a different group you could both go along to with the intention of stepping away from that group once Alice is established there.

You're being very kind to Alice. Suggest it to her, tell her to have a think about it and let you know, no pressure. DS will surely understand that Alice might quite like the company of older women, and'll probably benefit from it😊

OP has told them and they suggested bringing Alice along. I think that's correct?

Yes you should take her. You sound absolutely lovely!

That's an extraordinarily kind and compassionate thing to offer. I had a very troubled upbringing and a stable, caring adult in my life may very well have changed the trajectory of my life.

This was my first thought.

If you are going to ask her, please check with the people you’re meeting with that they’re OK with it.

As much as people with MH conditions need support and you are choosing as an individual to do this and that’s great. Is it right to make you and your extended circle the centre of her life?

I really adored DS GF, no issues with MH issues, she had lots of friends and a full life but we did quite a lot together. They broke up last month and it is far too awkward to stay in touch. Now both DS and her are very stable young people that both grew up in very supportive environments so it’s about as good as a break up can be.

To be sectioned and be in a MH unit for a year is a very long time she must have incredibly complex MH issues. So be a friend but the chances of them breaking up and that’s nothing to do with her MH issues are so high at this age that if she becomes very dependant on you and a network through you then you could unwittingly trigger a MH crisis when they very probably break up and that network is suddenly withdrawn. Because it may just be too awkward to stay in touch.

I wouldn’t bring her.
Im a strong believer in not putting all eggs in one basket. So I agree with PPs that in case of break up Alice might lose too much and it might be quite awkward for you and your friendship group. And there is a possibility of break up.

I would also consider that your son actually expressed Alice’s opinion. It might be, just might be that you were so enthusiastic about her coming with you that Alice couldn’t refuse.

How about you AND your son stop making plans for her behind her back and just ask her if she fancies coming along?
Tbh if I was her and knew you'd been gossiping about how I was lonely and had no friends and got a pity invite I'd be mortified and go crawl in a hole.

What kind of area do you live in? I’m just wondering if she could try the Meet Up app for events in your area. That or look out for local exercise classes, hobby groups, social clubs. It’s a nice offer to bring her along, but her meeting people independent of you may be better for her.