Nobody fed the baby.

Hopefully the mum read them the riot act and the child will not be left alone with them again now their incompetence has been exposed.

It was a one off, doesn't sound as if it was intentional, if you are not the mum not sure what your skin in the game is?

If you have your own baby I would take note and not leave them with these people.

Could the baby be a fussy eater with them but not for their mum?

Suspect some men are like this. Nothing to do with babies! My late DH forgot to make me lunch when I was on crutches (operation on foot). He brought in his own and I said 'where's mine?' because obviously not hopping round the kitchen with plates. I ate his. He made some more. Never forgot again and used to make lunch, dinner etc when I worked from home (both retired, I was marking exams).
Some learn. Some are useless forever.

You can change your 'vote' just click on the opposite button I think it only works if you haven't left the thread yet (so you can't go back in and then try to change it). I only found this out recently!

Doesn’t sound great but from your updates they were offered a lunch at midday, didn’t eat it so offered scrambled eggs & ate half.
Ideally they should have been given a snack and had water/milk out.
Mum came home and then fed them at 5pm. Just sounds like an oversight rather than neglect. Not a great one but no real harm done/something to learn from or use different babysitters next time.

You sound like your looking to be angry rather actually being concerned as your OP just sounds like they aren’t fed/watered all day.

You can change that by clicking on the results chart.

Why do you assume it's a man?

Poor little baby.

There really is no excuse. If I was looking after someone's baby, I'd offer it drinks probably every hour, and if they didn't eat much lunch, I'd offer snacks like a bit of mashed-up banana and milk. I would instinctively offer food and drink, working on the logic that they can always refuse it and it's better for it to be offered and not needed than the other way round. It's important that babies don't get dehydrated. AND I'M NOT EVEN A MUM! And I've never taken care of a baby in my life, but even I know that they must be kept fed and watered. How can ANYONE not offer food and drink to a baby regularly throughout the day????

I have a 13MO - she’s not a huge eater and frankly wouldn’t have eaten much more than that but she is always offered a mid morning snack or two, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner at around 4.30/5 plus water through the day and extra milk if she hasn’t eaten much. You can’t force them to eat but it’s incredibly neglectful not to offer anything - I bet they remembered their own food & drink!

I wouldn’t say it’s neglect in the legal sense. It’s only for a few hours. And it appears the baby was generally well cared for. And they ‘forgot’ to give a drink, rather than didn’t realise it needed one or deliberately not give it. Context is missing but maybe a mix up and one person thought the other had given milk.

But the main person left to care for the baby has been neglectful of its needs by not offering a drink. The baby was offered food but refused to eat all of it. So, someone DID feed the baby. Just not the specific food the mum left.

If the carer was the dad and PILs, he needs to look after his own child more, so he understands its needs and learns to be responsible. This shouldn’t be a reason to never leave the baby with him again (which he may be quite happy with). Unless there’s serious danger, neglectful parents need support to learn how to take responsibility for meeting their baby’s needs.

But TBF there could be important context missing, such as (menopausal - forgetful) MIL took over and said ‘leave it to me’, then forgot the drink and offered her own food the baby refused, then made an egg. But if the dad was there, it’s his responsibility to look after his own child. He shouldn’t be leaving to others without checking.

Also depends on context of how the carers feel. If they feel terrible and apologetic, it’s disappointing, but not something to have a huge family fall out over. If they’re doubling down and brushing off the lack of drink and not using the food left by the mum, a serious chat needs to be had before they look after the baby again.

Whoever was left in charge of the baby shouldn't have been, clearly, but as a one off and for a few hours it's not a big deal either.
The amount of food given was ok and could be balanced out with the evening meal.

I would have been more annoyed at myself for leaving my 1 yo with someone who is clearly clueless about babies and unreliable with instructions...

What age where the adults in the house? Just wondering if they're teenagers, as sometimes drinking and eating regular meals isn't on their radar. Obviously it's still neglect, but in this case may not be intended. Either way, you and Mum know they can't be relied on in the future and 13 month can't be left with them.

Two things me think it wasn't a deliberate choice. One, the baby got changed. Most people would find changing nappies more of a chore than filling a cup with water. Two, they came out and admitted baby hadn't had a drink. That reads like someone who genuinely hadn't thought of it, not someone who knew what they ought to do and CBA. Would've been easy enough to say yes he had water with lunch and some more at half three.

I’m usually a lurker not a poster but this one got me.

This is stupidity, the person in charge chose to forget or couldn’t be bothered by the sounds of it. Definitely neglect.

Poor little baby.

This needs context. It's a mistake not to provide it. Reads like OP is either one of baby's usual caregivers or GM.

If OP is maternal DGM and this is a useless DF who's taken his kid round to his parents or some other female relative on a contact day so he doesn't have to do anything, it's a bigger problem than if it's inexperienced, non-usual cousins who've been roped in for a one off like a moving day and don't need to be asked again. It does all sound rather chaotic, and like no one adult was responsible for the baby.

@shaylla - I would say this is neglect.

You say the adult looking after this 13mth old simply forgot but I have a few questions that you may (or may not) know the answer to.

• Did the adult have drinks for themselves (tea/coffee/water/other) during the day?
• Was the adult either watching movies during the day or playing online computer games on a console?

The comment about offering the child scrambled egg at lunch and then not offering anything else, that to me, has more than a hint and whiff of "well you didn't eat that, so you're not getting anything else" about it.

I don't know what the mother in this situation can do, going forwards, if the other adult (and I'm also assuming that it's the father here) cannot or will not look after the child properly when the mother isn't around.

I would of been annoyed about the drink. The food not so much but they wouldn't be looking after my kid again which is probably what they wanted

Obviously very unfortunate and sad for the baby. That said, I am no expert but I would imagine that legally neglect would require persistent omissions to meet the baby's needs rather than a one-off scenario. And I may be wrong but I would guess that repeated omissions over the course of one day probably would not meet the threshold. I suppose the thing to consider as others have mentioned is whether there are other warning signs that this is not the first instance of this

That would have been the logical aporoach from the start but inexperience could lead someone to think 'well we're all having ham sandwiches for lunch, instead of heating up these leftovers for baby, why don't we make some extra ham sandwiches and we can all eat together. Oh, she doesn't seem to be hungry, let's see if she'll eat a bit of scrambled egg instead.'

Are the people caring for the child elderly . It is possible they have cognitive impairment if they are saying they forgot. I would find better carers if the situation does not improve.

Then they are negligent fuckwits. Why on earth didn't they give the food that was left ready for the baby? Was this the first time these people have looked after the baby on their own?

I'm guessing that it's your daughter's baby and the baby was left with the dad and maybe a new girlfriend or his mum.

Food left, ignored, and different food being offered instead is classic MIL territory. If your friend is using in-laws for childcare, either find something else or have the DH sit them down and have a clear talk with them (yes, they’re doing the family a massive favour but not of basic needs aren’t met). If he’s not able to talk to his parents like a grownup, you’re left with plan A.

If they were inexperienced caring for a baby, they should have given the food that the mother left and not done their own thing.

I'm also surprised that the baby didn't scream the house down. It suggests that they weren't actually hungry.

With respect to the fluids, at this age my DC was breastfed, in nursery during the day and refused to take a bottle/cup - and one was regularly offered. So they would easily go this length of time without fluids. They simply breastfed more when they were with me. So I don't see that lack of fluids on a non hot day as necessarily being a problem.