Nobody fed the baby.

Same! I usually have meetings back to back and have a hard time squeezing in a pee break.

I want to know where everyone finds these jobs! I would love a work from home job that is simply sending a few emails, and I can breezily look after a toddler at the same time

Totally this. You can't look after a 13 month old and work at the same time. You can't do quality work, and it's unsafe and boring for the kid. They need to pay for childcare.

Sorry but if the partner is working from home, surely a proper childcare arrangement needs to be in place. A lot of companies do not like this, are they even aware that he is looking after the child?
Is this why the other grandparents were there this time?

To me it sounds like your daughter is just generally annoyed that perhaps the food she made wasn't given - why he couldn't be trusted to rustle up something himself anyway (is she always this controlling?) and has gone running to you.

If this was the first time this has happened and he has managed on other weeks this really is a non issue and no where near as dramatic as the title first suggested.

Plus, if it was the grandparents who fed the baby, he can't know for sure how much the baby ate and might not have noticed if they'd provided a drink or not. All you know for sure is that he didn't.

Honestly wtf - I’m reading for the first time here on Mumsnet that apparently some people wfh while having their kids around. That’s taking advantage and abusing the privilege to work from home. Unless you sit down at a later time and work what you’ve missed while taking care of your kid.

Bit of a drip drip drip of 3rd hand drama tbh. First baby wasn't fed at all - except half an egg and a mystery "wrong food". Making out dad was a lazy fecker who can't parent by himself - now turns out he was actually working.... Making out it was the first time, but in fact he has been managing for a couple of months already....
They need to use proper childcare on days they are both working, and your DD needs to loosen up and let dad choose lunch sometimes - nothing wrong with offering baby scrambled egg.

Has your DD told him how disappointed she was? Is this strategic incompetence at the expense of the baby's wellbeing so that he won't be asked to care for his baby again or is he just completely useless?

This is why it's important to give proper information. A random relative babysitting for the day is a lot different from the child's own father failing to care for the child. As usual, we're talking about a woman who has made a rod for her own back by taking on responsibility for everything baby-related because she had the baby with a useless man. This has resulted in the child's own father not being able to look after his own child without his parents' support. And you will not help the situation by taking on the child an extra day. You are just another shit-man enabler. This is their business to sort out.

I agree with PP that something doesn't add up here, grandparents who have raised at least one child between them don't know they have to give a baby liquid throughout the day? I just can't believe that is true, three adults in the house and no one thought to givedrink to the child they were looking after??.. definitely more to this story.

Either they gave stuff that wasn't approved on purpose, or they didn't realise there was stuff left after they offered to watch the baby so the dad could go off and do whatever he did all day. Or dad has lied about what happened because he does not want to be left with the baby one day a week and knows OPs mum will come in and save the day if he fucks it up badly enough.

I know you are concerned OP, but women actually do themselves a diservice by taking over and infantalising their partners the way your daughter is, men are completely capable of looking after children, but if they are never expected to do it, or in the case of someone I know they were never allowed to do anything (feed, nappies, nightimes, nothing!), then they will not have the first clue about how to look after a child, the idea is for both people to learn together at the same time on an equal footing, not one do literally everything while the other does absolutely nothing.. why do women tolerate it?

@User860131 So you've spent an entire day wasting people's time, being cryptic and vague.

Seriously, fuck off. The OP is concerned about her GDD...you may come her for entertainment only, but OP needed advice and she chose to withhold info to not influence bias.

Absolutely it is and not just food but drinks

How large was the breakfast? Maybe it was full/ refused food? Apparently I was like this as an infant.

The concept of 'snacks' is very recent.

I agree the lack of liquid is a worry.

It'd be one explanation why there were nappy changes needed whilst the sippy cup remained dry!

An outrageous allegation based on zero evidence!

(But highly likely to be correct. 😁)

I wonder if the father was even present for lunch? It sounds like he left that part to his parents, which might explain them having given the baby other things if they're less familiar with his routine.

My guess is grandparents actually fed baby treats and juice and don't want to fess up.

The main adult was watching the baby all day closely enough to know it didn't drink. But didn't notice it crying from thirst?

What were these three adults doing? Staring at a baby all day so they could all be sure it didn't have a drink but never helping it in any way except to change the nappy which somehow became full more than once despite no food or drink intake for 9 hours.

If this had been three drug addicts I can fully understand a Trainspotting type incident but two grandparents and a Dad neglecting a baby in one specific way whilst looking after it perfectly in every other way and watching it constantly to be sure none of them gave it drink. Doesn't pass the sniff test.

Occams razor says Chinese whispers.

You are just making stuff up now. You have absolutely no idea whether the baby had the time of their life with their grandparents and a few treats as well.

OP said:

'We know no drink was offered because the main adult admitted it. Forgetfulness is the excuse.'

We know that the grandparents didn't give the baby the lunch that the mum had left with instructions, but gave the baby different food that it did not like.

The grandparents obviously didn't visit the baby with the aim of neglecting them. They sound incompetent and clueless, as does their son, the baby's dad.

Not giving any drinks at all might be.

I don't think we will know the true version here as it relies on speculation.

Was this the dad's first time looking after the child? Only you mention daughter doing an extra day, so is this a one off?

Also is it too many people assuming someone else has done a job?
With the drink could a grandparent assume dad had done this? Did the grandparents know they were meant to be looking after the child or did they simply think they were visiting (to me this would mean they might be less helpful as a visitor rather than a helper).

Does the daughter actually want to go to work, or does she want husband to mess up as a good excuse to stay home? How much involvement does he have when she is there in getting the food and drink?

Yes, a neglectful father even wore thin for a friend of mine's teen/tween DSs when they realised that the initial euphoria of being allowed to game all night, eat mostly takeaways and not bother showering also came with no washing being done ever, getting into trouble at school because they'd not done their homework and not having uniform that fit because he'd not taken them to buy it when he was supposed to. One of them now lives entirely with his DM and the other lives with a friend. Friends ex lives in squalor, as would many lazy and neglectful men, left to their own devices.

Yep, and the child was observed so closely all day we can be sure he/she wasn't given a drink all day yet also totally neglected. ....and he/she had nappies changed. Schrodinger's neglect.

There is no way this child went all day without a drink. It's just third hand Chinese Whispers. He/she had the time of her life with Dad and Grandparents and most likely had a good few treats as well. Grandparents don't visit their grandchildren with the aim of neglecting them. More likely spoiled rotten.

this is all so… odd

are they the grandparents? Not wilful neglect per se if it’s a one-off, and they’re not used to looking after the baby, but sounding more like sheer and utter stupidly combined with the arrogance of the “I know best” attitude- why didn’t they give the child the food that was provided for him?

I would not be leaving a baby in their care again