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AIBU?

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Original poster

Father’s behaviour towards child

114 replies

Questions112 · 07/01/2025 20:47

Posting for traffic.

I am after some quick opinions on a situation this evening.

4 year old was in the bathroom before bed, and ‘D’P decided it would be funny to lock them in from outside. I asked him not to but was ignored. Unsurprisingly, 4YO got upset and cried when they realised they couldn’t open the door (they could have unlocked it from inside, but panicked).

4YO ran straight to me afterwards as they knew DP had locked the door. DP then told them they weren’t a baby anymore and should think about the situations they are in and not cry (to clarify - DC IS FOUR YEARS OLD!).

I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

YABU - totally fine and normal behaviour from DP
YANBU - not normal and cruel

OP posts:
verdantverdure · 07/01/2025 22:01

A cruel and weird thing to do to a small child. A bit alarming tbh.

Porkyporkchop · 07/01/2025 21:52

This is awful. Why are you letting this person scare your child like this ? They would be OUT. It won’t be funny when your child develops a fear of going to the toilet and starts wetting themselves . Stupid awful bully.

pictoosh · 07/01/2025 21:42

How is he in general?

DorothyStorm · 07/01/2025 21:41

WhatNoRaisins · 07/01/2025 21:32

Did he give you any insight as to what he was thinking when he did that? Was it out of character or normal for him?

Not normal behaviour, it wouldn't be funny at any age. I shudder to think of someone doing that to my DC.

He wanted, as an adult, to upset the child.

RabbitsRock · 07/01/2025 21:35

Oh OP that’s horrendous! Your poor DS. I still remember how scared I was when I accidentally got locked in my DG’s shed & I was older than your DS.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/01/2025 21:32

Did he give you any insight as to what he was thinking when he did that? Was it out of character or normal for him?

Not normal behaviour, it wouldn't be funny at any age. I shudder to think of someone doing that to my DC.

sandyhappypeople · 07/01/2025 21:30

DorothyStorm · 07/01/2025 21:11

No comment about the arsehole man? The woman is always to blame?

He might be testing you to see how much abuse he can get away with.
This. The major problem here is if you leave him he will be an abusive man alone with your poor son.

Show quote history

I never blamed her? I think it goes without saying that he is an abusive arsehole, if she is choosing to share her life with such a fine specimen of a man she should be protecting her son from him in the very least, hence me asking why she didn't deal with it appropriately at the time.

If he isn't the child's father then she should not be tolerating one more second of him in their lives.

Vaxtable · 07/01/2025 21:27

Nasty bully. It needs curtailing now, if he does it again that would be the last time, I would be leaving and taking the child

IsThePopeCatholic · 07/01/2025 21:26

At best, an idiot, at worst, an abusive shit.

MumonabikeE5 · 07/01/2025 21:20

Leave.
his bullying will become more abusive as your child gets older.
and if you don’t leave your child will believe this is acceptable and will replicate this mindset.

Edwina8320 · 07/01/2025 21:12

This is such utterly bizarre behaviour. If you are saying he just did it for a 'joke', I cannot imagine this is someone you'd want in your child's life.
He was making a game/having a laff at scaring a 4 year old child. People are right to say he is a bully with no respect for your child. He will damage him. You must protect him.

DorothyStorm · 07/01/2025 21:11

sandyhappypeople · 07/01/2025 21:03

is he your son's dad?

Why didn't you handle it appropriately?

No comment about the arsehole man? The woman is always to blame?

He might be testing you to see how much abuse he can get away with.
This. The major problem here is if you leave him he will be an abusive man alone with your poor son.

lazyarse123 · 07/01/2025 21:10

He's a bullying cunt.

AnxietyLevelMax · 07/01/2025 21:10

This is really disturbing OP.

my 4 year old locked himself in a bathroom at my friend’s house and the lock got stuck…coincidence and no one’s fault but it took us good 10 mins to break the lock and open the door. He was hysterical. It really shook him up and it took me some time to calm him down. I dont know why anyone would find it funny and do it as a joke? Let alone a father, grown man to
a child? Really disturbing.

have you noticed this kind of behaviour before?

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/01/2025 21:06

Let's hope this man ends up locked away in prison. Won't be so funny then, will it?

Newuser75 · 07/01/2025 21:05

Ah bless you son. Poor little thing. To be honest I'd panic if I thought I was locked in a room let alone a 4 year old.

N4ish · 07/01/2025 21:05

Horrible, nasty and cruel. I would not be staying with anyone who dared to treat my child like that.

sandyhappypeople · 07/01/2025 21:03

is he your son's dad?

Why didn't you handle it appropriately?

bombastix · 07/01/2025 21:00

So upsetting. Locking a child in a room. Horror film stuff

Dramatic · 07/01/2025 21:00

It's just means behaviour isn't it, I mean it would have been one thing if he'd done it and then realised he messed up and was sorry about it but to then call a 4yo a baby because they were upset? That's a horrible thing to do

Biroclicker · 07/01/2025 20:59

My DS accidentally got stuck in a room once for about five minutes when he was about 6. (We were downstairs and didn't hear him at first) The door handle was stuck but we opened it easily from the outside. Took him about 2 years to get over it, he refused to ever shut a door.

Your DH is a nasty man.

TheatreTraveller · 07/01/2025 20:58

Poor child. A father who bullies and abuses him and a mother who is failing to protect him.
Get your child out of that situation, DH (not that he would) would only have to do that once to our children.

bombastix · 07/01/2025 20:58

Cosmosforbreakfast · 07/01/2025 20:57

Is he your son's father? It's a bizarre and cruel thing to do. He might be testing you to see how much abuse he can get away with. Huge red flag there.

Yes. He even asked you and still did it. He intended to upset this children.

Trust me this man is trouble for the child

Scutterbug · 07/01/2025 20:57

What a twat. I would be very concerned if my husband did that.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 07/01/2025 20:57

Is he your son's father? It's a bizarre and cruel thing to do. He might be testing you to see how much abuse he can get away with. Huge red flag there.

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