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Original poster

Father’s behaviour towards child

114 replies

Questions112 · 07/01/2025 20:47

Posting for traffic.

I am after some quick opinions on a situation this evening.

4 year old was in the bathroom before bed, and ‘D’P decided it would be funny to lock them in from outside. I asked him not to but was ignored. Unsurprisingly, 4YO got upset and cried when they realised they couldn’t open the door (they could have unlocked it from inside, but panicked).

4YO ran straight to me afterwards as they knew DP had locked the door. DP then told them they weren’t a baby anymore and should think about the situations they are in and not cry (to clarify - DC IS FOUR YEARS OLD!).

I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

YABU - totally fine and normal behaviour from DP
YANBU - not normal and cruel

OP posts:
ByBusyTiger · 08/01/2025 15:19

The fact that you ask if you’re overreacting tells me you’re used to it. You shouldn’t be. Get your child away from that monster

ByBusyTiger · 08/01/2025 15:09

Sorry but I would never allow a person like that near my child. WTH, locking a four year old in a bathroom is foul because a baby cannot understand. I’d honestly leave someone like that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2025 15:07

That is very, very abusive of him, not just unreasonable.

Thats a lifelong phobia of being enclosed in spaces started right there for your dd, which (as I have one from being locked in a shed by a neighbouring teenager as a child “for a laugh”) is no joke to manage through life. I can’t even take a window seat on a train or plane, or a middle seat, and have had a life of people not accepting that from me as a woman.

I would show your dd at least that this is incredibly serious, that her boundaries and need not be “teased” in such a horrific way are to be taken seriously, and get this man out of your life.

thepariscrimefiles · 08/01/2025 15:03

He's a horrible man and a terrible father. What did you say to your DH?

toomuchfaff · 08/01/2025 14:41

Mopsy567 · 07/01/2025 20:54

That's incredibly mean. Your child might get nervous using the bathroom again with his idiot dad around.

Maybe you and DC could lock your partner somewhere and just tell him to grow up when he shouts to be let out?

Very good point, queue another post in 6 weeks time where a previously continent child is now wetting themselves and refusing to toilet.

DorothyStorm · 08/01/2025 09:12

I think the fact you are asking this question means he also bullies you as you dont know what is normal anymore.

Limer · 08/01/2025 08:09

@Questions112 I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

You are under-reacting. Protect your poor child. It's horrifying that his own father is abusing him while you stand by and accept "being ignored".

bombastix · 08/01/2025 08:02

I wouldn't accept any contrition. This guy sounds like a bastard who enjoys scaring kids. Child already knows he's nasty as ran straight to the mother.

Maray1967 · 08/01/2025 07:55

You should have threatened your H with the police as soon as he did it.

And yes, I’d probably lock the bastard out of the house today. Unless he is totally contrite, I would leave him. No man does that to my child.

Rewindpresse · 08/01/2025 07:51

What an absolute prick. Bullying a 4 year old. This hasn’t come from nowhere has it? Is this part of a wider pattern of abuse towards you or your child? You must take it seriously, quite apart from the fact it’s a nasty thing to do I would worry about your safety.

fallingupwards · 08/01/2025 07:20

If he's not the father, you need to immediately get rid of him. Awful bullying behaviour and a very warped explanation about not crying. If he is the father can you talk to him at all about this? Can you get help/counselling? If you leave he obviously gets access to do whatever he likes when you're not there and the courts are still hung up on the parental alienation trope that would be thrown at you. I hope this is a deeply worrying one off that you can manage if he is the father. I'm sorry for you and your son.

AnarchismUK · 08/01/2025 04:02

...and that is how phobias begin...what an absolute cunt!

HoundsOfHelfire · 08/01/2025 03:56

stunts are only funny if both people find the stunt funny. Your son didn’t find it funny, therefore it wasn’t a joke, it was unkind mean behaviour. Does your DH do this sort of thing often?

ThatEllie · 08/01/2025 00:33

Why is he tormenting a four year-old? What sort of lunatic does that??

Happyaslarry24 · 07/01/2025 23:51

Alarm bells should be clanging! HEED THEM! Look after your son. Don’t let the prick talk you around.

takealettermsjones · 07/01/2025 23:44

Sorry if I'm missing the point, but why is the bathroom door lockable from the outside?

bombastix · 07/01/2025 23:42

The worst thing is he thought it was funny to frighten this child. Which he knew would happen, it did. And then he taunted him afterwards.

This child already knows this man is a brute.

This is what he does in front of you, OP. Just you wonder what happens when you aren't there.

Nothing good. Get rid of this horrible abusive bastard

PeriPeriMam · 07/01/2025 23:32

Obviously this man is an absolute arsehole.

Well, it's difficult to think of another explanation right away.

socksonoff · 07/01/2025 23:28

Can't be the first time you have seen this side of him.

You need to look at a way out, he is causing damage to your child.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 07/01/2025 23:24

Is this DC’s dad or just your partner? If it’s a partner get rid of him, he’s vile and shouldn’t be around children. End of.

If he’s their dad then it’s difficult, because he has parental responsibility, so if you split from him he’d then have shared custody and DC would be without you to protect them.

ThinWomansBrain · 07/01/2025 23:19

do you have a shed and a secure padlock?
see what twat face thinks of being locked in it.
or just change the locks when he's out.

Ace56 · 07/01/2025 23:16

Very strange thing to do - he knew it would upset his child but did it anyway…what was he hoping to gain from this?

I hope you ripped him a new one OP.

dominique36 · 07/01/2025 23:14

Yeah, I don’t like this. It seems antagonistic

Hankunamatata · 07/01/2025 23:11

Why on earth did you let him lock the door? Are you scared of him?

Endofyear · 07/01/2025 23:07

A joke is supposed to be funny. Scaring a small child isn't funny. I wouldn't want him anywhere near my children, he sounds like a psycho 😳

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