Page 2 | Father’s behaviour towards child

Mnaamn · 08/01/2025 18:27

OP, she knows he is mean.
She knows it is not normal.
She has verbalised he is mean to you.
She will tell someone.
If she mentions it to a teacher, they will be obligated to report it to SS.
Talk to your GP.
Self report to SS.
Let it be clear that you are fleeing his abuse of you and now the children.
See if help can be offered.

JimHalpertsWife · 08/01/2025 18:26

The thing is, OP, you've already acknowledged that this is similar to what he does to you. And now its the first time he has done it to her.

So as a fully grown adult, you can decide for yourself what you want to do about the behaviour directed to you. Your choice to stay with him and put up with it or leave.

Your child has zero powers to step out of this dynamic, and now its affecting her - happening to her. So now you don't get the luxury of choice. You have to act.

ginasevern · 08/01/2025 18:19

That's the sort of thing my older brother used to do to me. I hated it and used to cry but he was my brother not my dad and he did get thoroughly bollocked for it. If you can't trust your mum or dad to keep you safe from fear or harm, who the hell can you trust? Bottom line, your DH is an absolute arsehole and bully and doesn't sound fit to look after, or even be around, a child.

Original poster

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 18:17

sandyhappypeople · 08/01/2025 18:09

In fairness, those handles are probably safer than any other type of lock that can't be accessed from outside, we had them in the house growing up and you could just turn it with a 2p coin to get in if necessary.

You shouldn't have to do this OP, but it may be worth teaching her how to get out if it was locked in again, normally they are just a thumb turn latch inside, could she actually do it if taught or is it too stiff for her to operate anyway?

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She knows how to do it. She just panicked (unsurprisingly IMO) when she realised she was locked in. I can’t even look at DP, I’m so angry.

OP posts:

sandyhappypeople · 08/01/2025 18:09

TomatoSandwiches · 08/01/2025 16:52

Get someone in to remove those lockable door handles tomorrow.
You know you need to leave but make sure you've documented this arseholes behaviour.
Your poor DD, please hurry things up she needs you to do the right thing now not next year.

In fairness, those handles are probably safer than any other type of lock that can't be accessed from outside, we had them in the house growing up and you could just turn it with a 2p coin to get in if necessary.

You shouldn't have to do this OP, but it may be worth teaching her how to get out if it was locked in again, normally they are just a thumb turn latch inside, could she actually do it if taught or is it too stiff for her to operate anyway?

JimHalpertsWife · 08/01/2025 17:19

Quite a significant number of dads are their child's first bully. It's fucking awful tbh.

hardtocare · 08/01/2025 17:18

Hoping you're not my ex's wife, he did same to our 2yo to teach her a lesson. Poor kid is 13 now and still terrified of the dark

Justnippinginthegaragelove · 08/01/2025 17:16

WTF? I have little girls and this post breaks my heart.
Please find the strength to leave this cruel abuser

Evaka · 08/01/2025 17:16

Psycho thing to do whether your child is 4 or 34. Sounds like you're dumping his unhinged ass. Good luck OP and well done standing up for yourself and your tiny little girl x

AnxietyLevelMax · 08/01/2025 17:09

Ppzd · 08/01/2025 15:41

I think if it had been a similar situation to this one (accidentally locked in) and only after the child is out of that room and has been comforted and is calm, it can be helpful to tell them "it was really scary, wasn't it? You're 4 now and you know how to unlock, so trust yourself. You can do it! If it happens again, try not to be scared and try and remember how to unlock." But what your DP did was such a cuntish thing to do! Poor little kid!

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Please read my post carefully.
i am saying it was an accident and it shook him up but OP’s partner did it on purpose which is
shocking and disturbing. If an accident caused so much drama, when you are being locked by a person who you trust can really mess with you..
and i didnt have to tell my 4yrs old “u can do it, trust urself” because it was a stuck lock as i said and we had to break it and force entry so thanks for ur unwelcome advice.

Fedupoftheshits · 08/01/2025 17:06

Horrible, horrible man and a nasty bully. I'm getting sick of these awful excuses of a human being doing stuff like this to kids.

outerspacepotato · 08/01/2025 16:55

Your "partner" is a sadist.

He is vicious and cruel to his own child for fun.

Leave or get him out asap.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/01/2025 16:52

Get someone in to remove those lockable door handles tomorrow.
You know you need to leave but make sure you've documented this arseholes behaviour.
Your poor DD, please hurry things up she needs you to do the right thing now not next year.

Everydayimhuffling · 08/01/2025 16:50

The fact that your small child thinks he is mean already is quite telling. Is that from his behaviour towards you or smaller mean actions towards her?

Wallacewhite · 08/01/2025 16:46

That is a man enjoying sadistic power and control over a four year old child. Unless this was a completely out of character brain fart that he is deeply remorseful for, it is only likely to escalate.

Original poster

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 16:40

Technonan · 08/01/2025 16:21

Were you not able to stop him? A father who thought this would be funny or a useful lesson is worrying, but if he went ahead when you were trying to stop him doing this - that is even more seriously worrying. Major red flags.

I did say it was a horrible thing to do, and would give her a phobia for life - unfortunately I didn’t have anything to hand to unlock it once he’d done it (it’s one of the safety locks you can open from outside with a coin).

OP posts:

Technonan · 08/01/2025 16:21

Were you not able to stop him? A father who thought this would be funny or a useful lesson is worrying, but if he went ahead when you were trying to stop him doing this - that is even more seriously worrying. Major red flags.

Original poster

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 16:12

Penguinfeet24 · 08/01/2025 15:58

How he reacts when he's chewed out for it would determine what I did. If he was capable of accepting that was out of line, apologising to your son and never does it again then I would give him one hell of a row but I'd let it lie afterwards. If he continues to minimise your sons distress I'd kick him to the kerb and tell him never to darken my doorstep again.

He is convinced it’s perfectly normal behaviour and doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. He accused me of trying to turn DD against him as she has a complete preference for me and often says ‘Daddy is mean’. I never badmouth him to her at any point. He can’t seem to see it’s his behaviour that causes it.

OP posts:

Mnaamn · 08/01/2025 16:04

Awful behaviour.
Not normal.
He's a bully.
Poor child.

Penguinfeet24 · 08/01/2025 15:58

How he reacts when he's chewed out for it would determine what I did. If he was capable of accepting that was out of line, apologising to your son and never does it again then I would give him one hell of a row but I'd let it lie afterwards. If he continues to minimise your sons distress I'd kick him to the kerb and tell him never to darken my doorstep again.

Original poster

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 15:53

Thanks for all responses (even the ones blaming me), I have read them all ❤️

NC for this post, as some of you guessed, this is not an isolated incident. However this is the first one directed at DD, it’s usually me in the firing line. I just wanted some objective opinions with no back story.

You have all cemented in my mind what needs to happen in the very near future.

OP posts:

WitchesCauldron · 08/01/2025 15:50

Questions112 · 07/01/2025 20:47

Posting for traffic.

I am after some quick opinions on a situation this evening.

4 year old was in the bathroom before bed, and ‘D’P decided it would be funny to lock them in from outside. I asked him not to but was ignored. Unsurprisingly, 4YO got upset and cried when they realised they couldn’t open the door (they could have unlocked it from inside, but panicked).

4YO ran straight to me afterwards as they knew DP had locked the door. DP then told them they weren’t a baby anymore and should think about the situations they are in and not cry (to clarify - DC IS FOUR YEARS OLD!).

I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

YABU - totally fine and normal behaviour from DP
YANBU - not normal and cruel

Nasty. Hope your little one is ok

Ppzd · 08/01/2025 15:41

AnxietyLevelMax · 07/01/2025 21:10

This is really disturbing OP.

my 4 year old locked himself in a bathroom at my friend’s house and the lock got stuck…coincidence and no one’s fault but it took us good 10 mins to break the lock and open the door. He was hysterical. It really shook him up and it took me some time to calm him down. I dont know why anyone would find it funny and do it as a joke? Let alone a father, grown man to
a child? Really disturbing.

have you noticed this kind of behaviour before?

I think if it had been a similar situation to this one (accidentally locked in) and only after the child is out of that room and has been comforted and is calm, it can be helpful to tell them "it was really scary, wasn't it? You're 4 now and you know how to unlock, so trust yourself. You can do it! If it happens again, try not to be scared and try and remember how to unlock." But what your DP did was such a cuntish thing to do! Poor little kid!

DemelzaandRoss · 08/01/2025 15:25

What an absolutely horrible, horrible person.
Can think of nothing positive to say.
Please remove him from your life as soon as you are able.
No second chances.

Lyra87 · 08/01/2025 15:24

Your DP is a bully. Your poor DC, this will probably get worse as your DC gets older unless it's stopped now. You need to protect your DC.