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AIBU?

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Original poster

Father’s behaviour towards child

114 replies

Questions112 · 07/01/2025 20:47

Posting for traffic.

I am after some quick opinions on a situation this evening.

4 year old was in the bathroom before bed, and ‘D’P decided it would be funny to lock them in from outside. I asked him not to but was ignored. Unsurprisingly, 4YO got upset and cried when they realised they couldn’t open the door (they could have unlocked it from inside, but panicked).

4YO ran straight to me afterwards as they knew DP had locked the door. DP then told them they weren’t a baby anymore and should think about the situations they are in and not cry (to clarify - DC IS FOUR YEARS OLD!).

I’m just left with a really bad feeling and don’t know if I am overreacting.

YABU - totally fine and normal behaviour from DP
YANBU - not normal and cruel

OP posts:
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Technonan · 09/01/2025 11:35

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 16:40

I did say it was a horrible thing to do, and would give her a phobia for life - unfortunately I didn’t have anything to hand to unlock it once he’d done it (it’s one of the safety locks you can open from outside with a coin).

Show quote history

He sounds like a dangerous control freak - dangerous to both your dd and to you. I hope you have a safe way out of this relationship.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/01/2025 01:38

Get a book called how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court you'll need it

Geppili · 09/01/2025 00:39

Sadistic bully.

Mnaamn · 08/01/2025 22:33

Hopefully the child will alert someone to the fact that "daddy is mean to mummy and me".
Hopefully that person will report it and SS will get involved.
This is one nasty piece of work and his child knows it.
Poor mite.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2025 22:32

greenose · 08/01/2025 21:56

Omg why ?
Be prepared for your child to have a fear now of being locked in for many years to come

Exactly. As I said up thread, I have a lifelong fear of enclosed spaces after a similar incident - but it was a teenage neighbour (and I was older than 4 - about 8-10) not my own parent!

greenose · 08/01/2025 21:56

Omg why ?
Be prepared for your child to have a fear now of being locked in for many years to come

DorothyStorm · 08/01/2025 20:42

SuperSleepyBaby · 08/01/2025 20:28

Did his parents treat him like that - so he thinks (wrongly) its normal?

Does it matter? He is an adult and his wife told him not to do it as it was cruel.

SuperSleepyBaby · 08/01/2025 20:28

Did his parents treat him like that - so he thinks (wrongly) its normal?

Ppzd · 08/01/2025 20:23

AnxietyLevelMax · 08/01/2025 17:09

Please read my post carefully.
i am saying it was an accident and it shook him up but OP’s partner did it on purpose which is
shocking and disturbing. If an accident caused so much drama, when you are being locked by a person who you trust can really mess with you..
and i didnt have to tell my 4yrs old “u can do it, trust urself” because it was a stuck lock as i said and we had to break it and force entry so thanks for ur unwelcome advice.

Show quote history

Please read my post carefully. I was reacting to the fact that the dad said that DD isn't a baby anymore and should think about the situation they are in. As in, try and get yourself out of it. I'm saying that the dad's argument would only make sense if it had been an accidental lock in and that the child was safe and calm, then maybe that could be a life skill to learn. But as the dad is clearly an abusive, horrible bully who did this on purpose, his argument is nonsense.

FluffyDiplodocus · 08/01/2025 20:08

That’s really mean. I’m glad you’re taking it seriously from the responses. Poor kid. My Dad did crap like this and we’re NC now with good reason!

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 08/01/2025 20:08

OMG! Now that I've read the rest of your posts and realised that he's actually the child's father, I'm even more angry! He would be out of my house tonight if he did that to my child!!

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 08/01/2025 20:04

That is a really SICK thing to do to a child! I would be absolutely livid if any man did this to a child of mine, it is warped! This man has shown you who he is OP, LISTEN, and get rid of him, before he really damages your poor child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2025 19:58

I agree with those saying self report to SS.

It not only helps to make the case for him only having supervised access (if any) to her, it helps make the case that you are a competent parent who will protect her.

Otherwise the report comes from school when she tells them and you look incompetent to protect her.

bombastix · 08/01/2025 19:57

workshy46 · 08/01/2025 18:46

This is one of the nastiest things I have read on here, which is saying something. He tormented the poor child for fun.. he absolutely knew the child would be scared and upset and did it precisely for that reason. Its actually hard to fathom.

Regrettably it is not. He likes scaring little children

Mum4MrA · 08/01/2025 19:30

That behaviour needs to be reported to SS, Health visitor or school so that it becomes part of the evidence to use to deny him unsupervised access to your poor child. You need to safely leave this man. Please contact Women’s Aid. 💐

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 08/01/2025 19:21

I would leave someone who did that to a 4 year old child.
That is disgusting behaviour by your partner - is he your child's father? I hope not for your child's sake.

MonaChopsis · 08/01/2025 19:19

This is similar to my ex who bellowed in DD3's face to 'teach her a lesson' about learning not to call across the house to me. She was so scared she wet herself and hid under a coffee table.

Horrible bullying behaviour and a big reason why I left him.

JimHalpertsWife · 08/01/2025 19:16

OP are both of you on the mortgage/tenancy?

workshy46 · 08/01/2025 18:46

This is one of the nastiest things I have read on here, which is saying something. He tormented the poor child for fun.. he absolutely knew the child would be scared and upset and did it precisely for that reason. Its actually hard to fathom.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 08/01/2025 18:46

Lock the prick outside the front door, throw his stuff out of the window. Keep key in lock. Get locks changed. Call police if any shenanigans from the prick. Sorted.

Eyresandgraces · 08/01/2025 18:43

Put a chair under the handle when your dh is in the bathroom and tell him to see how it feels. He’s a bully.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/01/2025 18:40

He's a sadistic prick. Get yourself and your child away from him.

sandyhappypeople · 08/01/2025 18:39

Questions112 · 08/01/2025 18:17

She knows how to do it. She just panicked (unsurprisingly IMO) when she realised she was locked in. I can’t even look at DP, I’m so angry.

Show quote history

So he was doing it purely for his own entertainment then, not even in a ridiculously misguided attempt at trying to teach her anything.. that is disgusting, I'm not surprised you are so angry about it.

Sorry if I've missed it, but is he her actual dad OP? I would consider cruel behaviour like this from a step parent coupled with a complete inability to empathise with how it made her feel to be a real warning sign of serious future abuse, you hear about low level stuff like this, it's like the abusers are seeing what they can get away with, before escalating, normalising and gaslighting until the victim thinks it is all their fault.

If this is what he does to you, then it looks like he will do exactly the same to your daughter, it's up to you to stop it OP, please don't let her become a victim of that.

FinallyMovingHouse · 08/01/2025 18:35

I never usually say this, but I would not stay one more minute in a house with this man. Protect your child.

Inkyblue123 · 08/01/2025 18:32

Jesus…. That’s awful. Sounds like he is testing your boundaries , I wonder what he’ll do next? I’d be seriously considering g this relationship and I absolutely wouldn’t leave my child alone with this man. Sounds like a nasty piece of work.