To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

"I don't really understand this. Me and DH managed to raise our kids while still being able to answer the door if they were sick or in bed. It would have taken seconds to give OP her parcel."

@rightinthedavinamccalls

This. I find it bizarre that anyone on this thread is siding with the neighbour or saying that someone shouldn't expect a door knock at 7.30. 7.30 is a perfectly normal time to knock at someone's door, 2 year old or not.

The OP has not done anything wrong here. The neighbour is being weird and unneighbourly.

Hope he just refuses to accept the parcels from now on. Easier all round. This really is beginning to sound like a lot of hard work just to do someone a favour.

I think 7.30 in the evening is still early tbh and I don't think you were wrong for knocking (as long as it wasn't banging). 2 year olds go to bed early but life in general is still carrying on then. Children might still be playing outside, people could be having barbeques, dogs barking, young teens could be calling each other on the street etc. His own phone might ring! I think it's wrong of him to blame you for his toddler waking up and also his anger about that (or whatever else it is he's angry about because I doubt it's the parcel issue).

I am wondering why your 6 year old was crying and frightened when you were trying to get off the drive? Did they feel you were not competent to drive? I know it was icy etc but a driver has to be competent and make their passengers feel comfortable, especially if they are children. Understandable you may have needed a bit of help from your husband but there should be no reason for another man to step in and help because you should be competent. Your comment that you don't know why he was clearing his car of ice when he works from home, isn't that really his business? Maybe you felt he just came out to watch you struggling, but you don't know for sure and he has every right to be on his drive and scraping ice at any time he wants. He might have had to go out that morning.

Not having a go here. It might also be possible he's not a nice person and as soon as your partner made the comment that it's as if they are a sorting office, he took that as an insult and wants to assert dominance (instead of realising your partner was trying to be nice). He might not be very good at being assertive so instead of telling your partner at the time that he'd rather it didn't happen too often, he just said it's ok, but then stewed on it. You got that. Maybe he thought your partner was taking the p*ss when he said that, though from what you said it doesn't sound like he was.

I wouldn't do anything now. I thought I'd agree with the others about sending a note, but you and your partner haven't really been nasty in any way so I'd let him come to you (and if he does I'd still keep a distance going forward). You and your partner may be the type of people that will do anything for others and so think they will do the same, but not everyone is like that or wants to. Some take pleasure in watching other people's discomfort! Not saying he does but you don't know, it wouldn't have took much to open the door. Just let it be a lesson. Get your own shovel and be independent of him, it's on him to do the work to recover this situation. There may be much deeper problems going on if he misread your partner's comment and the anger about the toddler waking up. Why has he got a shovel? I'd watch him lol (joking)

Hang on. "Foreigners"?! Why do you think that's okay to say? We're not in backwards times now! That's not okay, give your bloody head a wobble. That's absolutely vile!

If they were unable to give OP her parcel then they shouldn't have accepted it. If I don't want to faff about holding parcels and what not I simply say sorry I am going out shortly so won't be in for them to collect.

Don't take in someone's parcel to be "neighbourly" and then ignore them when they come to get it.

Makes zero sense.

Yeah and the thing is by them ignoring the door they made things worse for their “sick sleeping child”. OP wouldn’t have came back if they had just answered it the first time or popped around with it.

They shouldn’t have taken it in if they were being so rigid about when OP can pick it up. I get that they may not have thought it through when they accepted the package, but that’s on them. They should’ve just taken it as a lesson and then told Op they won’t be taking in any more of her parcels due to their kids or whatever reason they have.

I don’t agree that he should necessarily have got involved with your skidding car though. Sounds like a potentially tricky situation plus he was busy with his own car and your husband was there.

When he's working from home he probably gets tired of delivery men knocking for you and other neighbours' deliveries

Not really, maybe they had other stuff going on.

I give people 3 chances. I assume someone was having a bad day the first time and let it go.

Yeah 2 grown adults and one of them couldn't take a minute to pop the parcel into OP. All this bullshit about sleeping/sick children etc. is quite bizarre.

Do you think that never happened to anyone else? I also had people ringing my doorbell when I had small children in bed and it woke them up. It's life. I wouldn't dream of ignoring a neighbour at my door.

Maybe they are sick of your behaviour otherwise, and this was the final straw?

Revving and engine for no reason,
crying is year old, “5 parcels” and the sorting office comment, perhaps they don’t view you as kindly as they once did? Maybe they are sick of feeing like a sorting office for more people on the road? Could be lots of additional irritations. Or not.

If they were all so Ill they surely wouldn’t have taken the parcel in?

The difference between a favour and taking advantage of someone is often down to frequency.

They may feel that they did not mind the odd one or two times because it's a favour and it's neighbourly but any more and you're taking advantage of their presence and their kind nature without taking into consideration how feasible or put out this leaves them.

You should apologise when the heightened emotions have died down but you should also take every precaution like the drop off boxes or collect at local store options possible if you don't know for certain that someone will be in.

This is a good point. I WFH for the most part and I find this happens to me too. I can see how he might have had a titful, especially since the neighbours seem to think it's some joke. If he's got any sense he'll stop making himself so available for them.

I'm reminded of the most recent Christmas Outnumbered where their hallway wound up full of the neighbour's shit off Amazon. Solution? Chuck it over the fence. No good deed and all that.

Sometimes when someone snaps like that it takes a while for the shame to clam down enough to consider apologising or the equivalent in saying hi again or friendly gestures. You never know why they didn't answer the door, it might be sensitive/embarrassing. I would say 8 years is good going as a lot of people have difficult neighbours. Agree with a lot of comments here, kill them with kindness (when appropriate) etc but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. We can all hit a low like this man so please be kind.

I admit, from your description, I wouldn't have wanted to come anywhere near your unsafe driving. The parcel thing sounds a bit of a storm in a teacup.

If you ever want or need to sell your home you don't want to have to pretend everything is fine with the neighbours.

It’s hardly a full-on dispute you’d have to declare to solicitors 🙄

Are you sure it was only 5 parcels a year? The comment about sorting office makes me think you might be underestimating it.

If he's the one in the road that delivery drivers get to know is WFH I bet he gets lumbered with everybody's crap.

If you ever want or need to sell your home you don't want to have to pretend everything is fine with the neighbours.
Pop a card in the door, "sorry about the Amazon parcels, hope X is well. Best wishes for the New Year". Smile and be polite. He may sulk a bit but ride it out.

Pah. I would ignore him. Fuck him. Your DH gave him a little power as a joke, and it's gone to his head. Don't give the prick the satisfaction of your grovelling.

Do make a sign for delivery drivers though.

It sounds like you pissed off your neighbours, they overreacted a bit, you took umbrage at this and have leapt on the non-existent incident this morning as a way to make it their fault.

Why would your neighbour have come out to help you with his shovel? Why were you questioning the fact that he was de-icing his car? It’s his bloody car! Your own husband was helping you; you didn’t need the intervention of your neighbour.

Just accept that you’ve annoyed them, they’ll probably get over it and you’ll all move on. They really don’t care about you that much.

I wouldn't have taken in any of your parcels. Neighbours stuff drives me nuts. You shouldn't rely on neighbours, if you aren't very close friends you are actually imposing on them.

The parcel issue is totally separate to the bit below. Seriously, please learn how to drive safely in snow and ice as you have demonstrated you are a fucking dangerous driver who could kill somebody. Your engine should not be revving like that. Secondly, if you cannot drive safely then DO NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR. He could have waited at your front door until you were safely in position if it was only slippery on the drive. This just proves how mad YOU are and that your neighbour is the sane one by safely keeping his distance.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

I get the feeling that's precisely what they'll be doing from now on.