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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dating as plus size

35 replies

Lonelylass90 · 07/01/2025 18:47

I am currently a size 16-18. I am trying to lose weight and get fit and don’t really use the dating apps, but I’ve matched with this guy who seems really lovely. We are texting every day and I’m just getting a really nice vibe from him.

However I think he’s out of my league and I am worried when he sees me he’s going to think I am fat and not be interested. Some of the pictures on my profile are a few years old when I was slimmer and I don’t have a full body picture.

I just wish I was slim and wasn’t so self conscious about meeting him. Any words of advice?

OP posts:
LadyTable · 07/01/2025 18:55

I think a very common complaint from online daters I know, seems to be out of date photos or very heavily filtered.

ChoppedLivers · 07/01/2025 18:55

Errors · 07/01/2025 18:52

You need to subtly let him know your size OP. Better to know if he will still be interested now than wait until you have met.

FWIW, if he decides not to meet you just because of that reason when you’re getting on so well then he is an arse

Is he? I wouldn’t want to date an obese man as I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to one. I don’t think that makes me “an arse”.

Getting on well with someone is great for friendships but when dating people are looking for sexual attraction and are allowed to have visual preferences.

MoleAndBadger · 07/01/2025 18:52

I don't believe in a league to be honest.

I do think that your photos should be up to date though. It's not fair to mislead someone. It just wastes everyone's time if the info on your profile isn't accurate.

LadyTable · 07/01/2025 18:52

Regardless of your weight, you should have up to date photos on your profile, surely?

Flossyflop · 07/01/2025 18:52

A few things here:

  1. You should be using currentish photos so you’re not misleading anyone and then you won’t need to worry about that part.
  2. You have two choices:

a) Date with the body you have now and OWN IT!

b) Lose weight first then go dating. But you can’t wish yourself slim. If you’re unhappy then you need to put the work in.

Regarding the current date, maybe give it a go if you’ve been getting on? Remember if someone isn’t attracted to you it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s their personal choice. All that matters is that you feel good in your own skin.

Errors · 07/01/2025 18:52

You need to subtly let him know your size OP. Better to know if he will still be interested now than wait until you have met.

FWIW, if he decides not to meet you just because of that reason when you’re getting on so well then he is an arse

PonyPatter44 · 07/01/2025 18:51

Well I was a fat fat fatty (size 18 at 5ft) when I met Mr Pony, and he didn't seem to mind. I was a solid size 16 when I split from my exH and spent the next couple of years having a lot of fun with a variety of men.

If this man is only keen on skinny women, then so be it. If he sees you're a lovely, funny, decent person, he won't give a monkeys about what the size label in your jeans says. He'll care about the woman in them. Hope you have a great time.

mardirousse · 07/01/2025 18:50

update your profile with a recent full body picture (clothed) and send one to him too.
`Men are into all types, just like we are.
He probably just genuinely likes you, if he doesn't, you're better off without, just carry on.

XmasSocks · 07/01/2025 18:50

Tell him before you meet?
Im also ‘plus size’ but would make sure the person knew my size within afew msgs so not to waste everyones time

Any photos on dating sites should be recent for this reason

HeeleighWay · 07/01/2025 18:50

Don't want to sound harsh but your photos shouldn't be of something you're not. That's misleading. Talking from someone who has also not long ago been a 16-18 but have since lost the weight.