Dating as plus size

Be honest.

Even though i used up to date photos, they were mostly waist upwards ones and i looked smaller in the pics. I said on my profile that i was bigger than photos suggested and if they were looking for a gym partner, to swipe left etc. I reiterated this in conversations pretty early on. One man i had a really strong connection with, a lot in common even some pretty niche stuff, but i knew my weight was going to be an issue. He insisted it wasnt so we met up for a drink, and i could tell immediately there was no physical attraction, but we had a good time. I messaged afterwards and said im old enough to understand that physical attraction wasnt there due to my size, however, im also mature enough to think that shouldnt stop us having a friendship given how much we have in common. He is now one of my closest friends 4 years later, and we socialise, me with my partner, him with his, and a wider circle of friends we share from the niche hobby, alot. Even now ive shifted most of the weight i can see that we would never have worked romantically, but the friendship is very dear to me, and also brought me a whole social circle i wouldnt have if id blocked him after it was apparent my weight was an issue. Incidently i met my now partner off dating apps.

So thats a pretty long winded way of saying be honest, and also be understanding that people have types and preferences and its not a bad thing if you arent their type, i dismissed plenty of people i was physically attracted to because they had other traits i didnt gel with. There are also though plenty of people who really dont care about weight, or prefer a curvier fuller figure. Just keep an open mind too, sometimes you can gain more from the dating apps than you expect going into them.

Starting a relationship off with a lie is not a good start.

There are lots of men that like a fuller figure on a woman and the honest answer is just to be you, that is who you want them to fall in love with, not with something you may aspire to. Don't try to start a relationship by lying as you will end up feeling inadequate..

I say this from experience. I was the same size as you when I met my husband... we have been together a long time now. You are good enough as you are and there are lots of men that will love you for it, if you give them a chance.

I'm a 16-18 and 10 months into meeting a great guy who really seems to like my curves. But representing yourself wrong on apps surely isn't helping this anxiety? Put true photos of yourself on, the lying is the most unattractive part I am sure.

You might find dating coach little nudge Erika Ettin interesting to follow. I'm happily in a long term relationship but I still find her fun and informative to read. She advises people to always use one full-length photo in their profile.
Personally I think it's such a shame to use misleading photos, and it can ruin the date when it would otherwise have been fine. I wouldn't want someone's first feeling on meeting me to be disappointment. Using misleading photos is like lying about your age - it's disrespecting potential matches by deciding that you know better and doesn't allow them to make their own informed decision about whether to meet. Much better to be honest and have them charmed that you're even better in real life.

Dating someone who is plus size wouldn’t bother me.
Neither would height etc

Someone looking very different to their photos would bother me though, as I see it as deceitful and a red flag.

I would post some photos showing your actual size.
If you’ve added each other on WhatsApp then put it on there, you don’t need to send them to him directly.

It’s very likely that he would still be interested but it just helps take your anxiety of it away.

I went on a date with someone who was overweight, but used old photos where he was slim and toned. It was the reason I didn't go on a second date (and I'll happily date men with a bit of weight on them!). It wasn't what he looked like that bothered me, but the fact that I felt duped. It felt dishonest and that's no way to start a relationship.

I remember being so frustrated when I was OLD and people used photos from a long time ago - it’s such a waste of time. The best guy I ever dated had a picture of him eating a sandwich with his two kids - it was not flattering! When we met it knocked my socks off because he was gorgeous - I actually think it’s better to use less than perfect photos. As a PP said, either accept your size and date now, or take time away from OLD until you’re feeling more comfortable with your body shape. As far as this guy goes, send him an honest photo before you set up a meeting, saves a lot of heartache.

I remember being so frustrated when I was OLD and people used photos from a long time ago - it’s such a waste of time. The best guy I ever dated had a picture of him eating a sandwich with his two kids - it was not flattering! When we met it knocked my socks off because he was gorgeous - I actually think it’s better to use less than perfect photos. As a PP said, either accept your size and date now, or take time away from OLD until you’re feeling more comfortable with your body shape. As far as this guy goes, send him an honest photo before you set up a meeting, saves a lot of heartache.

It's a big mistake to put old photos on your dating profile. What were you trying to achieve when you were obviously going to meet them?

The average size for a woman in the UK is 16 so I wouldn't worry about it.

Send proper pics and update your profile ones. What was the point in using old photos? It's just going to attract men who are attracted to an old you. You're only hurting current you by doing that.

When I was dating online (tinder) it had height and weight on it I think. I know I wrote on it 'a few pounds heavier than I wish ' as people commented on me being honest. I was an 18 at the time. How would you feel is the other person was significantly different. Shorter. Fatter, balder it's best to get honest

I think that you are potentially causing a problem by only sharing misleading photos. If a guy did that to me I would be annoyed, no matter how much I liked chatting with him.

Sorry, but update your pics! Friend had gone to meet various blokes who had profile pics that showed hair but they’re now bald, or slim but they have beer bellies or dark hair who showed up looking like santa etc!
Using pictures that are 15 or 20 years out is going to cause you issues!

He may also have old pics on there from when he was slimmer/ more muscular/ younger/ had hair… he may have made himself taller…
how will you feel if he looks quite a bit different?

I think in general you should update your profile and have one full body pic on there. I'm sure you are absolutely beautiful and loads of men will want to date you. Better to just put it out there and the guys who fancy you will be the ones showing interest! Then you won't need to feel nervous about not being what they expect!
Ahead of this date you could do a couple of things:

• update your watsaap pic to one that you like but is more recent
• send him a pic of you doing an activity that you are discussing (ie ready for evening out). You don't have to make a big thing of saying you look different or have gained weight etc!

I think that’s fine then, personally. You have sent him an up to date pic and he’s still chatting to you so I don’t see the issue

Agree with others that you should update your photos so he's aware, just because it's best to show an accurate picture.
But as far as dating plus size goes, I spent years after my divorce avoiding starting dating because I was embarrassed about my size, but the moment I started, it became clear that it really wasn't an issue at all.
In my experience, there are a staggering amount of men who absolutely love bigger women. There's a real chance that he'll actually be thrilled if you turn up with more curves than he was expecting. Don't let it put you off.

Use accurate photos?!

But you're not going to be able to 'make yourself look better with angles' on a date, so what's the point?

Send an honest, up to date photo and ask him to do the same.

Otherwise you could both be setting yourselves up to fail.

Do a video call and don't angle the cam up or break up with him and work on yourself just stop catfishing.

Why do you have photos on your profile that don't represent who you actually are? I daresay if a man did that you'd be quite annoyed by it?

I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment by being disingenuous.

Send him an up to date photo before you meet.

Can you ask to exchange a few more photos before you meet? Photos should probably be six months old-ish at the latest on a dating website. If you're getting on well, perhaps exchange a couple more?

I'd say you should show him a more recent photo before you meet. It's not really fair to use old pics where you really are a very different size and look. He will be put off by that. Not your looks, but the dishonestly of it.
You don't want to go out with someone who's actively anti slightly bigger people. So better to know in advance.
Id hope he'd still think you're attractive regardless of your size and if he doesn't then he's not the right guy and pretty superficial.
But how would you feel if he was a totally different size, height, amount of hair etc to his photos? It would be unpleasant.