Am I wrong? And what shall I do? *content warning SA* added by MNHQ

I'm probably not either. It would just save having to find a way to put it into words.

Maybe you could show a family member this thread?

Women's Aid and Refuge can advise you on how to talk to your family if that's what you need help with.

I'd be tempted to just show one of them the video and go from there but that's probably terrible advice.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but you all need that abuser out of your lives.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You must be shocked and devastated. I think this is probably the most shocking thing I've ever read on here a I actually gasped and clapped my hand to my mouth. I even hoped it might be a troll thread, it's that awful.

Don't minimise to yourself or anyone else the seriousness of what he has done. This is sexual assault and he knew what he was doing. The fact he pretended to be asleep when you stirred then carried on tells you he knew it was wrong, but didn't care.

Please report him to the police as he will do this to someone else. Hopefully the police can force the images to be destroyed.

I understand you not wanting to tell your kids the truth, but as teenage boys who will likely be looking at porn at some point in the future you don't want to risk them stumbling across these images! I would tell them that you found evidence he had taken indecent photographs of you without your consent. You don't need to give the rest of the details unless they are old enough for a talk about those specific actions and to reiterate how it's never ok AND you feel comfortable talking it through.

Definitely block him on the kids devices, unless they are his children he should not be contacting them. You certainly don't want his influence on their characters!

On yours, screenshot everything if he admits guilt etc. just in case he deletes it later. Block him so he cannot contact you. Don't give him the heads up about the police as this will give him chance to delete everything.

Find your anger and use it to push aside any shame - the only shame belongs to HIM. Don't let him get away with this.

Once again, I am so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it.

Report him to the police and ask your sons to block him on their phones and social media.

Hand the camera footage over to the police too.

Police, now. He'll do it to someone else, or worse.

You don't need to go into a lot of detail with your sons, but I think you are doing them a disservice if you let them continue to believe he is the wronged party here. Partly because if and when they figur either out, it's going to be very upsetting that you, in effect, lied to them all this time. And partly because I would not want his influence over them continuing.

Sending hugs. What a horrible discovery. Glad you’ve chucked him out.

If she reports him she will also be liable for the money because it goes on household income.

However, you should definitely go to the police op, I'm so sorry he did that to you

Please please report this to the police.
He needs to be on a register because he will do this to another woman after you.

It's assault.

Get a restraining order for you, your DCs and family. Insist on bail conditions that he must not contact you and if he does report it straight away. Before he can delete the images from his phone you must contact the police.

And yes, report him for benefit fraud as well.

You poor thing - i am so sorry this happened to you. You've had excellent advice about going to the police. This is not your shame, it is his. He is the sick little pervert.

If he is stupid enough to send pictures of you to your sons' phones, he deserves prison time.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please take the film to the police and ask for support. You shouldn't be going through this on your own.

I don't know how old your children are but I don't think he should still be in contact with them since he is a sexual abuser and financial abuser of their mother.

Can you ring Refuge or Women's Aid for advice and support?

I bet this man has other women that he has done this to.

Also, incientally, men like this who are displaying behaviour traits in line with covert narcissism (doesn't mean he is one, but there are traits), will absolutely wage a campaign against you in which he will do one or more of the following:

• lie outrigt about what happened, what you did, what he did
• claim that he DID do something wrong BUT.... he couldn't help it, he needs help, you were mean to him, he was insecure etc etc etc.
• tell people twisted versions of every argument, disagreement or issue you've ever had, painting you as the baddie.

This strategy can be surprisingly effective, but often over the long term it totally backfires as people wise up. But your role is not to accept ANY of this shit. Prepare a line and stick to it if you don't want to go into any detail, "Well, in the 5 years he lived with me he never paid a penny and, as it turned out, he was also sexually assaulting me in my sleep so, sure, he thinks his life is hard but really, I'm much better off without him."

Report him to the police - what he's done is vile

Yes

Huge hugs op. Contact someone and please talk. Work out a plan to get him out of the house for a start

Your teenage sons should block him.
As pp have said, report to the police.

Police and cease all contact with him and explain to your children he has violated your trust and they must block him.

You tell your children to block him. You tell him you are going to the police with the video footage of him violating you and to leave you alone. The police WILL take it seriously after the Pelicot case. Whether you decide to go the police or not is your decision but a firm message should make him back off. And yes, I'd tell the benefit fraud line all about him too, if you think he was claiming fraudulently.