Am I wrong? And what shall I do? *content warning SA* added by MNHQ

Go to the police. This is assault. Have him locked up.

Shame must swap sides. The shame is his. You are a survivor. You have got him out of your house. Well done.

Don't be ashamed. Be proud of yourself for calling him out and for ending the relationship. Hold your head up high for seeing him for who he is. For now, cry, seek comfort, be angry, feel the emotions, then when you're ready take action in a way that works for you.

I honestly believe that MN might play a really vital role in long term uncovering of the many many many manipulative, abusive men like your ex who, over a long time, get their partners so turned around that they think it is their fault that he is a terrible person. Becuase those women come on here, instinctively understanding that things aren't right but their partner has told them THEY are the problem, and the manipulation is often so skillful that the abuser's views are shared by the victim's friends and family... and then they see the 100s of responses telling them that no, this is NOT normal.

exBIL had PIL on his side for years. The irony is that they didn't even like him. But he managed to tap into the family dynamic in which SIL is portrayed as the "difficult" "tempestuous" one who often acts unreasonably, and as a result, for years, even though they didn't like him, they felt that the issues in the relationship were HER fault. I figured out what was happening from MN!

I am sorry you were abused by the person who is supposed to cherish you more than anyone else in the world. He has admitted that this was not a one-off offence and that there is more evidence on his phone.

Right now, this minute, is the one moment in time, that women might just be believed when they tell the police something.

Usually, I think there is no point in reporting things to the police but we have all seen the coverage about the abuse and torture of girls who were not believed by the police in the UK and the trial of Dominique Pelicot in France - this behaviour is inexcusable and should not be minimised, it is unlikely that this is the full extend of it.

That said - this is your choice. We are with you, whatever you decide, but this shame is not yours!!!

If you do want someone with you to report this to the police and to attend interviews etc.. just ask - someone will come - in fact - I would say, don't go alone, have someone bear witness to the response of the police.

Op, you've had lots of advice on here, so I'll just send you love and strength as it must be such a shock. Treat yourself kindly, it's a lot to process. And, most importantly, be proud of yourself that you told him where to go!

Sweetie you don’t need to tell family any details unless you want to. They will probably know anyway as he was financially abusive. They may well have noticed things that you didn’t.

You can say you realised that he was very abusive.
If you want to say more, that he was emotionally coercive and you discovered that he was abusing you in your sleep.

As time passes, I think you’ll realise lots of other behaviours that are abusive, but that he has effectively trained you to accept.

Good advice

It's not obvious. She's been violated once, it is now up to her how she wants to go from here. Let her decide what to do and regain control of the situation.

I think you need to report. I would also be concerned about if those images were circulated with others. Unfortunately this happens a lot. I hope the police treat you with respect and kindness, but sometimes they can be a bit rubbish with this sort of thing, so bring someone with you if you can.

Give the footage to the police .. obviously

Reading your post made me gasp with horror He’s a sexual predator .

Don't feel pressured to report to the police if you're not ready to. Speak to an agency like rape crisis or refuge and see what your options are, they can put you in touch with a local charity who will have access to therapists and advocates who can help you both process what has happened and talk you through the criminal proceedings so you can make an informed decision when you're ready. So sorry you've experienced this. I hope you have kicked him out.

It's sexual abuse and my ex did the same thing. The police found the evidence when they were investigating him for an unrelated offence. They took it very seriously and I've had a lot of support as a result.

You need to report this to them. You may not want to proceed to a prosecution on your own account, and they won't pressure you, but they will check his devices and arrange support for you.

You are not overreacting. Sick bastard that he is!

I agree with pp's that you should go to the police.

Oh OP, I am so sorry, that is absolutley appalling. I hope you find the support you need. 100% get your children to block him on their phones and social media.

As gently as possible I would get the police involved, they would be able to confiscate his phone and delete any images and make sure he no longer has them anymore or post them online or to anybody else. Your children will not have to know and you could get a court order so he can no longer contact you. Xx Sending massive hugs.

Op I’m on a train at moment and r

What a disgusting, depraved, pervert loser.

I'm glad you're going to tell your family. It is not your shame to bear. Be is the one that has assaulted you.

Make your son's block him. I know you say you don't want to tell them, but they need to block him.

He cannot have any access to you or your family.

Hope you are okay OP 🙏

You have caught the SA on camera - this is the best proof ever to get a conviction! Please report this to the police asap, because it stands a higher chance of the CPS agreeing to charge him thanks to the footage you captured. Don't let him tell you that it's was nothing and that he missed you. He sounds like a sexual predator (not letting you see his phone? Red flag) - and could possibly do the same to someone else. He sounds dangerous.

What he did to you is sexual abuse, a crime. In your shoes I would report him to the police and tell your teen sons in an age-appropriate way what he did. Then ask them to block him and never have anything to do with him again.

Yeah. He's an abuser lovely. Manipulating people is what they do. He's currently trying to manipulate you and your whole family including your children. That's why you have to do something to stop him.

I'm so sorry that he has put you in this position.

He’s a revolting pervert,op.
What a hideous man.