To ask this from my friends?

Absolutely I’d help anyone out that needed this if I could realistically arrange my own circumstances to assist.

School runs can be quite convoluted for some - dropping off different kids at different schools, dropping off on way to work etc so there is a time in my life I might not have been able to help but now for example I could do this for someone and would, happily.

Agree group chat not the best way to go about it. Ask everyone individually initially then create a chat with the helpers.

Wishing you all the best.

Sorry for what you're going through. I'd get a lovely message ready and send it individually to the people that you are thinking of, saying you're really struggling at times and was desperately trying to think if it would an OK idea to ask a few Mum friends if you could tap into their school run from time to time. You'll know by each individual response and then suggest hey what about if I set a what's app group up would that be OK?

This way, no one is thrown into a group they don't want to be in. However, they should all want to be in it!

I would message friends individually and explain diagnosis and your reaching out to a few friends to see if anyone could help with school drop off and pickups.

Creating a group and adding me without any pre warning would initally rub me up the wrong way

Absolutely ask, they can say no but I bet most of them will be happy to help out. I would do it for any of my friends however long it was needed for.

There was a mum whose DC was in my DC's class who was in a similar situation....loads of the class mums including me used to help her with drop offs and pick ups...it was no hassle for me as I was a sahm and she was in a really shitty situation. I was glad she asked and I didn't want anything in return.

I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable. I think you’ll have to be quite open with them about your condition, so they understand that it’s not just a case of ‘can’t be bothered’ and that you’ve soldiered on as long as you possibly can. If I were your friend I’d be there straight away.

I hope none of them do, but I’d also be prepared for a) a couple of them trying to ‘rescue’ you with the best of intentions, and b) maybe the odd one of two doing a disappearing act because they don’t know what to say to you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this op. I would absolutely be willing to do this for my friends. Maybe speak to them separately with what you’re proposing then create the group and add those that are able to help. There may be some who can’t due to other commitments and it would be awkward for them to have to decline in a group chat.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.

can I just clarify - have you told anyone what's going on, or are you still keeping it a secret. I fully respect your preference to keep it quiet, but I think if you've not told anyone and then suddenly you announce it just as you ask for help, it might be unfair, but people might find that a bit offputting. I reiterate - that's not fair. But I think that when a loved one is ill, people genuinely DO want to help, but there is an impact on friends and family as well in terms of the emotions - it's nothing like what you and your DH and your DC are going through, of course, but it's there.

Having said all that, I have been directly or indirectly involved in such groups and I have certainly never minded at all or expected recipricol childcare/favours. As you say, it often works out that it's only the very odd one, and by doing it via a group, people can choose what works for them. I was once part of a meal prep group for a family managing end-of-life care for someone and it was all done via google docs - you just dropped in when you were able to provide a meal. Worked really well.

I'm sorry to hear about the cancer- I hope you kick it's arse soon. You're absolutely reasonable to ask for help but only you know what the dynamics of your group are. I'd offer money for them to do your pickup and drop offs.

Hell, I'd do it for someone I barely knew. A close friend I'd do it without a second thought.

I'd absolutely want you to ask

I’m so sorry OP, I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all to ask, equally they wouldn’t be unreasonable to say no if they can’t do it. I would absolutely do this wherever I could for a friend in your position so I’d have no issue whatsoever with you asking.

This sounds perfectly reasonable - what I would do though is don't just add everyone to a group. When you tell people and they say, 'oh, is there anything I can do?' Ask them then. I can't imagine anyone would say no!

I would want any close friend of mine to ask -a close friend of mine did when her mum was ill with cancer and we all rallied around.

Also think it's worth getting a better au pair?!

Absolutely 10000000% do this, We have a lovely mums group and often rally round and help when needed for various reasons. This reason is huge and I cannot imagine anyone not going out of their way to help you now and then. Please do it and sending you my best wishes.