Unused embryos - is this a ridiculous thought?

OP we would have done this if we had any left. As a scientist I knew the benefits of allowing them to be sent for research and should have wanted to do that but it was never an option for us.

We also never wanted to donate (we also would have never used donors for the same reasons). I think it’s wonderful if you can donate but not everyone can or wants to and that’s also ok.

I think it’s called a compassionate transfer and is more common than you think, sometimes emotionally it’s what you need. Wishing you peace in whatever you choose though, even if it’s just to store another year whilst you make your mind up! ❤

I would look for a specialist therapist who can help you process your thought process before taking any action. As a previous posters has said, there are risks and (huge) costs associated with having them transferred, although I absolutely appreciate where you're coming from with this thought!

A morula/ blastocyst is not a human being. It's a group of cells without consciousness or sentience, not much different to an egg or sperm.

No it isn't. It's an embryo.

But an embryo is not tree. It's a human being.

Congratulations on your DN.

I didn’t know that there was any flexibility with the Catholic Church teaching that IVF is wrong as IVF ‘replaces the marital act’ in the creation of life, but know plenty of Catholics (including myself) who have had IVF treatment. And plenty of devout Catholics praying for IVF to succeed because they will (quite rightly imo) put real people above such ridiculous teachings.

Your emotions are totally normal, nothing odd with them (rather beautiful, I would say).
What I would make sure though is that this plan doesn't pose risks to your health 🙏

What about what other pp suggested: burying them?

Some have been stored and used up to 30 years and there have even been cases of people donating to younger generations of their family.

Historically under old freezing type embryos had a lot more damage so where not as useful over time so where commonly disgarded but now a days they could remain frozen indefinitely (although NHS or private clinic may set their own rules to not over crowd their freezers but even then you can pay to move them to other storage facilities).

There is no reason say a young person freezing due to cancer treatments or an early 20s couple etc... would only be allowed 10 years. Embryos are far more stable and require lower numbers than unfertilized eggs too.

HFEA (the UK governing body for fertility regulation) state embryos can be stored 'up to 55 years'.

But it’s only a potential human- Like a seed
An acorn might be eaten by a squirrel
Or it might have grown into an oak tree th

I would speak to the storage provider about your options. This won’t have been the first time this question has been asked, nor the last.

Once you know what the options are, I would seek some counselling to talk through your thoughts and the pros and cons of the decision.

No it doesn't sound ridiculous. That's why I am not really in favour of frozen embryos waiting for a chance of life. I certainly wouldn't donate them for research.

I don’t think compassionate transfer is legal in the UK - not if there is zero chance of pregnancy. That’s what we were told anyway.

Counselling is a good idea, and maybe starting to think about how having them planted in the garden would make you feel.

It’s a really difficult decision & one that there isn’t much discussion about. Especially as there are so many people who haven’t managed to have a baby or have ‘left over’ embryos. It just feels ungrateful to suggest it’s a ‘problem’. I have to say though, that there was a sense of relief once we’d signed the papers and our fertility journey was finally over.

💐 to all of you in this situation.

I don't think the clinic will agree to that in the first instance (it may affect their stats).And why waste money and resources setting something up for failure?

I'm also seeking IVF treatment; no success yet after 4 transfers and have 4 in the freezer. I was planning for a Jan transfer but now have put on pause. I am 42 and have been wondering recently if I'm now too old to become a parent. I have loads of meds left, so I'm also thinking I should go ahead with the transfers this year and see if there is success.. it is a dilemma.

I know what you mean by letting them come to a natural end; but understand they are embryos and not fetuses. This is what I tell myself should I decide not to proceed.

Speak with the clinic but it makes more sense to me to bury them. Or say goodbye to them in a river or somewhere.

I think they can only be stored for 10 years so depending on how long ago they were created you might be pushing that boundary too.

There are various reasons why embryos can't be donated.

The OP clearly stated her embryos can't be donated yet multiple people are commenting saying 'oh I'm sure they can be donated'.

It sounds like a question for compassionate counselling.. so you can explore your thoughts and feelings and come to terms with letting them go..

My DB and SIL have recently had a beautiful baby via embryo donation. They're devout Catholics and had unexplained fertility. Straightforward IVF was off the table for them, but having children via embryo donation is seen as a morally neutral option by the Vatican (as the embryos already exist, and might otherwise be destroyed). However, they had to go to Spain for the IVF, as I believe certain clinics specialise in it there. Just putting it out there in case this presents another avenue for you.

Don't call pp ridiculous when it's literally the point of the thread... OP wants to do exactly that.

We had frozen embryos. It was really tough to pick up the pen and sign for them (in our case) to be used for research. Once signed though, I felt a huge sense of relief that the decision had been made and done.

I thought I would wonder what ifs etc - but I genuinely feel no regrets, our family is complete.

Don't be ridiculous. Op has completed her family. Why would she want to risk a multiple pregnancy, the complications that come with it and the expense of raising twins or more.

And depending on her age she might not be allowed to transfer 4 at the one time. I think 3 is max even for over 40s.

Its a common choice.

Confused why they 'legally' can't be donated OR researched though?

Pretty much any embryo can be researched (even ones not suitable for use). If you don't choose that morally thats fine but it should be an option.

I can’t even imagine what you must be like as a person to make a comment that is this level of crass.

One of the reasons why IVF is a bad idea.