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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so awfully jealous of pregnant SIL

37 replies

YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:02

I know IABU but I want to know why I feel like this!!

SIL is pregnant, first baby in the family, due any day. And I am so so so horrifically jealous and I hate myself for it. She’s lovely, everyone is so excited and I am too but I can’t help but feel this ugly ugly jealousy.

For context I have PCOS, similar age to SIL (mid20s). She conceived by accident and found out relatively late. I am by no means trying for a baby, not financially able to and DP not ready. I’m just so scared it might not happen for me one day, I’ve never ovulated and was put on contraceptive pill for cysts and told to come back for fertility check when I’m ready for a baby.

I think the fertility worries might have something to do with it but it’s getting to the point now where I’m angry at DP for wanting to be there for his sister, angry whenever she brings up anything about baby. I hate it and wish I wasn’t like this.

Is this normal?!!!! Help me not feel like this 😭

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 06/01/2025 19:50

Sorry, OP.
I don't know if it's normal, I never felt jealous of someone pregnant.
More likely I kept a polite distance.
No children by choice, obviously.
You're still very young to have your own and possibly explore these fertility issues, stuff is evolving all the time.
🍀

Original poster
YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:41

Rosequartzz · 06/01/2025 19:39

What you are feeling is completely normal. My sis got pregnant in 2nd month of trying whilst I was struggling with years of infertility and IVF. It's was a stab in the gut as well as overjoy and love for my sis and baby. It's an undescribable feeling and you're allowed to feel this way. Don't mourn your fertility, everything is possible, I'm currently pregnant after years of going through infertility. Your partner is also doing the right thing, when your sibling is expecting a baby it is so damn exciting and you want to be there for it all.
Have you considered getting fertility checks done for some peace of mind ? I wish at your age someone had told me to get checked

Show quote history

Congratulations!!!
Would it be completely ridiculous to get a fertility check while taking contraception and actively not trying???

OP posts:
Rosequartzz · 06/01/2025 19:39

YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:29

I just feel awful at even entertaining the fact I feel so grumpy and jealous about it. I can’t handle DP bringing it up; he doesn’t know this as he’s rightfully excited for his sister. It makes me so angry that he wants to be there for her (Thinking of postponing a work trip in case baby comes), I don’t realistically understand what he can possibly do as her DB but I couldn’t ever be anything other than supportive.

He knows my fertility worries but doesn’t understand because “we’re not even trying yet” and I don’t want a baby anyway.:: YET!

What you are feeling is completely normal. My sis got pregnant in 2nd month of trying whilst I was struggling with years of infertility and IVF. It's was a stab in the gut as well as overjoy and love for my sis and baby. It's an undescribable feeling and you're allowed to feel this way. Don't mourn your fertility, everything is possible, I'm currently pregnant after years of going through infertility. Your partner is also doing the right thing, when your sibling is expecting a baby it is so damn exciting and you want to be there for it all.
Have you considered getting fertility checks done for some peace of mind ? I wish at your age someone had told me to get checked

Original poster
YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:38

I also worry it’s coming across as I wasn’t invited to baby shower, haven’t seen a lot of her during this pregnancy (secretly can’t stand MIL so that’s probably my fault for not being more involved!!) She has so many friends and her mum (MIL) who I find overbearing but she probably finds supportive. Just feeling awful about the whole thing tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:29

I just feel awful at even entertaining the fact I feel so grumpy and jealous about it. I can’t handle DP bringing it up; he doesn’t know this as he’s rightfully excited for his sister. It makes me so angry that he wants to be there for her (Thinking of postponing a work trip in case baby comes), I don’t realistically understand what he can possibly do as her DB but I couldn’t ever be anything other than supportive.

He knows my fertility worries but doesn’t understand because “we’re not even trying yet” and I don’t want a baby anyway.:: YET!

OP posts:
Original poster
YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:27

Ponoka7 · 06/01/2025 19:25

I think that you need to ask your DP when he thinks he will be ready, because realistically the longer you wait, it might not happen.

He is older than me, we’ve had this discussion and it will probably be in the next 5 years, but I’d like to start trying in 3 or 4 years time. By that point I will only be 28 so still time on my side. We need to get some savings together and buy a house first, but it’ll definitely be soon

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 06/01/2025 19:25

I think that you need to ask your DP when he thinks he will be ready, because realistically the longer you wait, it might not happen.

Original poster
YourPunnyCat · 06/01/2025 19:25

PrincessPeache · 06/01/2025 19:15

I know you’re not quite in the whole ‘infertility’ stage yet but I’ll share with you what helped when I was going through it and people around me were getting pregnant:

They are having their babies, not mine. I don’t want their baby, I want mine. Whether or not they have a baby makes no difference to whether or not I have my baby.

Just acknowledging that out loud made a huge difference to me.

I like this. Thank you

OP posts:
Claireabella111 · 06/01/2025 19:19

i went through many years of fertility treatment unsuccessfully and struggled with other people’s pregnancies….but when the baby was born that always left me. As this was now a little person in their own right.

hopefully you feel the same when baby arrives.

PrincessPeache · 06/01/2025 19:15

I know you’re not quite in the whole ‘infertility’ stage yet but I’ll share with you what helped when I was going through it and people around me were getting pregnant:

They are having their babies, not mine. I don’t want their baby, I want mine. Whether or not they have a baby makes no difference to whether or not I have my baby.

Just acknowledging that out loud made a huge difference to me.

user1471453601 · 06/01/2025 19:11

I understand, I think, your fears about the difficulty you may face conceiving in the future.

But, your sister in laws good fortune is not any kind of indication of your possible misfortune. The two things (your sister in laws pregnancy and the possibility that you may not be able to conceive) are two very separate things.

Just because she is pregnant has absolutely no impact on your possible ability to get pregnant.

DearDeadrie · 06/01/2025 19:06

Of course is normal to feel this way.
Don't be hard on yourself, you have age on your side and if you need fertility treatment then that's OK as their are new breakthroughs all the time.
Enjoy your time with the baby as its precious and holding newborns apparently do things to your hormones, don't worry just yet xxxx