I’m scared of using new/nice things

I'm exactly the same.

My MIL bought me a little bottle of Jo Malone bath oil and it's been sat in my bathroom for 7 months!

I don't know why I can't use it.

I'm the same with food.

It's strange because I have no qualms spending on others and making sure they have lovely things.

I grew up poor and hungry a lot of the time, so In the back of my mind, I feel like I'll be really poor again one day, so no point in using or eating nice things.

This is timely! It's actually my sort of New Year's resolution to stop doing this as I have realised it is a real problem for me.

Check out this old thread, I found it very thought provoking and helpful:

How to stop saving things for 'best' www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3901094-how-to-stop-saving-things-for-best

I'm guessing that, like any sort of avoidance, it's about challenging yourself to do it until you don't have to think about it anymore. You make yourself wear the nice top, use the fancy shower gel etc and realise that not only has the sky not fallen in, but you feel better for it.

Another good piece of advice I read on here about is about clothes specifically. Wear new clothes within 2 weeks of buying. It 'breaks them in' and gets rid of the 'saving for best' mental block. If you don't, ask yourself why you haven't. Is it just the fear of using your nice things, or is the garment actually uncomfortable or unsuited to your lifestyle?

I used to be the same and keep things for best but a couple of years ago I had to clear my Godmothers house when she died and found a canteen of cutlery with a presentation plate from her fathers workplace dated 1932- every piece was still wrapped in the tissue it was bought in, never used. Her parents had kept it for best, she had kept it for best and in 90 years it had never been used. Now I light my nice candles and use the expensive shower gels that I'm given- 'best' may never happen and tomorrow never comes.

I'm like this with clothes. I bought myself some nice new (and quite expensive) jumpers, shoes and trousers recently but I'm still wearing my old stuff. With me it's partly sensory. I prefer the feel of well worn clothing and new things just don't feel "right", but there is also the fear of spoiling them.

No point buying new stuff if you aren't going to use it. If you are given something new, either use it or pass it on to someone who will. Otherwise it is a waste of money and just clutter.

It's worth using the nice stuff as well to role model the normality of using nice stuff for kids.

@Evaka is right, rather than trying to change deep seated patterns of behaviour (most likely inherited from parents and grandparents) make one small change at a time. So use the flask a couple of times, get comfortable with it and then throw out the tatty plastic pots and clingfilm - both of which are bad for your health. Do the same with clothes; wear one new thing, throw one old thing out.

I think a lot of people do this. I saw something on Oprah years and years ago advising to actually use your 'nice' things. My parents had nice plates in the cupboard for decades while we ate off chipped, discoloured ones.

My solution is not to spend do much that it'll really upset me if the item gets spoiled or ruined. That way I feel confident just going ahead and using things in the knowledge I can replace it if needed.

It probably is. My parents were like this too, they never saw the point in having nicer things. Literally everything from clothes to food would be value brands. I don’t know why because they were higher earners and have multiple properties etc but I think part of them felt children or the household wasn’t worth the expense

I am like this and I believe it is as a result of being brought up to feel less than. I don't know what, if anything, to actually do about it. If I bought new shoes today I would get unpleasant remarks if I wore them.

What was your upbringing like? How is your self esteem?

I went through a phase like this. Mine was stress related OCD due to a traumatic incident. I don't usually suffer from OCD, but did during this point and it was horrible. It started when the buttons on a new blouse messed up after wearing it for an hour.

I had to really force myself out of it. It creeps back in even now, and I imagine things. I got a locket at Christmas and my DS pressed it. I convinced myself the gap between each side was new and it was broken. Had to contact the person who made the locket before I could happily wear it again - he reassured me that all of them were the same as they were handmade. I'd probably just not noticed before as I wasn't looking for an issue. It's nonsensical in some ways, and I absolutely hate it.

Start small, as a pp said. Don't let it ruin nice things for you, even if you have to really push through. I bloody love that locket. I've had to tell myself that things age, break, and don't stay perfect - but that's okay. It's part of their story. Which is fucking twee, I know, but it does help a bit.

Yeah I do this, but I’m making an effort to stop.

for example I never used to decorate for Christmas because I’m mid 20s and live alone, so didn’t see the point as only I would see it? I felt it was more a family thing for the future. So I had decorations etc that I just kept in storage.

I wouldn’t bother buying pyjamas or dressing gowns cause I could just chuck on something else and save the money.

Little things like that, it was like I was always happy to delay gratification

But I decorated for Christmas recently and bought loads of PJs and cosy things and I’m so much happier for it. I think experiencing nice things is part of self care.

I buy fabric to make clothes- I have a cupboard full of nice stuff that I can’t bring myself to cut into. So I walk round in clothes made from still £2 a yard poly cotton.

I used to save things for best until I found a couple of amazing pairs of shoes and jackets in my wardrobe had basically disintegrated (faux leather but still really really nice) and I was gutted.

I had a similar experience with make-up in that it just went off when I eventually opened it.

I think the key is knowing that it always be replaced, even expensive stuff. Most of us aren't buying stuff that can't be replaced in 6 months time by putting away a pound or two a week. And you're making do without it anyway by not opening it.

Maybe you're enjoying the delayed gratification?

Life is better if you use the stuff!
Your house is less cluttered as well!

I think my partner does that. He has gorgeous quality clothes in the wardrobe and dresses like a hobo. Literally his toes will be coming through socks, jeans sagging and fraying, t shirts almost sheer they're so worn. It's deep seated! Can you challenge yourself to start with the flask? One small change can help, rather than thinking you must transform all your habits.

100% I can relate, I leave labels and protective film on things , I never ate my Easter eggs as a child because I didn't want to spoil the packaging. I'm in my 60's and my mum still has my untouched Sindy doll in my old bedroom. I do wear new clothes though but I take care of them.

This is why I don't bother buying anything nice or new. What's the old saying? "Your possessions shouldn't own you" or something like that. The whole concept of "nice" is capitalist, consumerism nonsense.

(I do spend money on things that actually make my life better/easier! But I don't bother spending a lot of money on things that just make me anxious)