I’m scared of using new/nice things

I'm in! I got a lovely cream cashmere jumper for Christmas, and I've been putting off wearing it because of imaginary spillages. I'm not even messy! 😂 Going to wear that tomorrow, and I bet not one drop of tomato soup will end up on it! Proof it's all a figment of imagination!

How about this? Everyone in this thread go out and use or wear or consume that thing that you’ve been saving some time in the next week and come back and let us all know how it felt.

Please, it’s a new year and there is no time like the present to make a small change.

Use the notebook, pull out the good dishes, wear the new shoes or boots!

I'm surprised there are so many of us like this.
I don't know why I do it , I buy stuff and keep it in its package until I feel I "deserve it ". I won't open up the new "thing " I've bought myself until the bedroom is tidied enough I tell myself or I've done something I feel worthwhile enough to deserve opening it and using it.
Won't wear the new pjs till I deserve to wear them etc.
My eldest daughter tells me off about it but I've got worse I think as I'm getting older , it's got to be self esteem I think

I like buying 2nd hand things for this reason. It takes away the responsibility of having to look after brand new things. I also wonder who owned it before me and about their life story.

I am exactly the same OP and I hate it.

I bought some brand new boots at the start of winter but I just can’t wear them. Still wearing my old ones (same make and model but 13 years old) and the sole is literally falling off. Still can’t make the swap.

I am like it with everything - new clothes, perfumes etc.

I also used to be like this and I'm not entirely sure why - losing both parents whilst relatively young seems to have cured me.

I used to never wear dresses despite having quite a few - they were for special, for best, for an occasion... never for daily wear or work! I now wear dresses almost every day - mostly 'occasion appropriate' but really, every occasion is appropriate if your mind is in the right place!

I have many, some would say too many, sparkly dresses - massive sequins, tasteful glitter, detailed patterns, long, short... I just love sparkles and they make me feel so pretty! I never used to wear them - they're for a ball or a fancy gala or event... not anymore, Friday Night at Spoons? Metal gig at my local moshpit or Sunday lunch with dear friends? Throw caution to the wind and always wear the sparkles... ✨️

I think this is so common. I have never had this problem but can see where it arises from. I'm the opposite, I buy myself lovely things all the time. An expensive knit arrived today that I bought myself in the sales with Xmas money. I put it on as soon as I finished work. I tend to think, "Better start getting my money's worth!" The more wears, the better the value, right?
New makeup, skincare, I'm opening it and slapping it on ASAP!

I bought my god daughter a pair of diamond earrings (starter set) for her 16th birthday. The only thing I told her was they are meant to be worn! (Fair enough if she didn’t want to). When (not if) she lost one while wearing to let me know and I’d replace it with no bother.

Lord knows I lost a few of them over the years, I’ve also chipped stones, broken necklace chains , and all the rest. My DH’s wedding band broke and we’ll get it fixed. I really was only joking with him when he texted me the picture of it from work after it broke and I replied “well… It’s been a good run…I guess it’s all over!”

I’m also a knitter, and love to see holes and wear or pictures of the dog sleeping on the gifts I’ve made. Has your baby erupted from all ends on that baby blanket I knit? Wonderful, I hope it saved the carpet. Chuck it in the wash or give me some time to make a new one.

Please use stuff!

Now you have said it, I think it’s having children that has helped with this, especially during lockdown. I want them to have the best of everything. I’ve learnt to stop myself saying leave it for best but it’s definitely gotten easier with them knowing what they want and wearing “their best” for everyday use.

Maybe for some of us it stems from the days we had to keep “our Sunday best” literally for our best.

Being worthy is absolutely a big part of it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thats so funny, I’ve walked past a beautiful new notebook multiple times today that I bought on Boxing Day. I so want to use it but haven’t. I’ve found a trick though, my 7yo, I let her use my notebooks to write me a note, she usually draws a picture, then I take them back as they are good to go until they are disappeared for good by one of my DDs.

I used to be very much like you but I read something on here that really made sense to me , which was , " if you don't use it you are already living without it " . This really made me think.

Thank you for this, recognise so much of myself in these posts. It's fear.
Fear of using something up, especially something that can't be replaced (eg discontinued, was bought in another country)
Fear of damaging it
Fear of it being "too nice" for an ordinary day
Fear, I think, of liking it too much and not being able to always have it. It's "safe" while it's in eternal storage.

“Because every day is all there is” - I love this. Seriously thinking of printing it out and sticking it on my bedroom wall.

I'm single, no children, live alone. I'm not expecting to die for a good few decades, but I don't want my possessions to become a burden for whoever ends up with the job of sorting out my affairs, who will never appreciate the time and headspace they have taken up.

It isn’t serving any purpose sitting in a drawer though, is it?
If I bought someone nice jewellery and they never wore it, I’d be upset and would want them to give it to someone who would wear it and enjoy it. Wouldn’t you feel the same?

Yes I have done this for years and years.
I have a brand new Stanley cup in the cupboard never used- I treated myself. Yet I use the tatty discoloured one I've had years.

I've done it with clothing, footwear, handbags- some worth £150+ and I think 'it's too nice'.

I used to do it with dc but learnt the hard way when expensive baby and toddler clothes were unable to be worn for that special occasion - I do it a bit with dc but nothing like I do with myself.

As a child I was living in a rich world one month where money was no object then we were very poor and hungry, struggling for basics.

I used to be terrible for "keeping things for best". I had breast cancer a few years back and I thought fuck it. Why on Earth wouldn't I use and enjoy my "best" things. So now I do. It's quite liberating.

you're right and that sounds a much more healthy attitude! I am unfortunately not that far along and hence the OP appealed to me because I thought 'oh gosh, I am like this!'

I don’t know, maybe it’s because I don’t have many things. So those I do have, I use. If I had multiple pairs of trainers for example, it may feel more normal to have a few pairs unused in a cupboard.
I buy very few things, but what I do buy is good quality, and I use it. I can’t imagine having loads of new stuff in a cupboard, that’s just a waste of money to me. A luxury.

@HellsBells67 Thanks, this is very helpful! I need to start with little things and move up.

@magicalmrmistoffelees I fully agree with you. It's not logical. it's a kind of stupid fear. I am keen on trying to not be like this...

No one knows what will happen tomorrow, so wear the clothes, use the plates, put on the perfume, try that lipstick that has been sat there. Things are just that, materials. But the use of them, the little moments of joy, now those are the really precious things.

But surely if you have those things, it’s a complete waste of money and resources not to use them?
Genuinely I can’t get my head round it. To me, having things sitting in the cupboard unused is the epitome of wastage.

But I don't feel I'm really worth having nice stuff. Trying to overcome this but a combination of my upbringing (made to feel quite guilty about liking or wanting possessions or nice things), together with the feeling of being alone adrift, is a powerful force I'm telling you, you are so worth it! Every single one of us deserves nice things, whether they be gifted or purchased with our hard earned cash. Show yourself some love by enjoying the best and soon the best will just naturally be what you attract.

@magicalmrmistoffelees , actually I think I almost inherited the mentality of 2 or more generations ago when actually you had to scrimp and save and you would only get one lot of everything, if that. My granny was like this and I feel like my mother's generation (born 1943) were also infused with this approach, the tin foil carefully folded and used hundreds of times etc.. I definitely used to be made to feel bad for wanting stuff and remember my Mum calling me a 'Thatcher's child' LOL.

I haven't read the full thread but I'm sure someone has quoted Joan Didion, "Because every day is all there is". I love that line.

oh wow @jigglypuff7722 I'm the same with the trainers. I feel like if they've gone through a certain purgatory time (the air max I bought in August 2023), they can then emerge and get worn! This stuff is so crazy.

What a waste of money. Those things have been paid for and are just sitting there, unused.
It’s weird because in my head, only those with money to burn can afford to have stuff just there, untouched.

I did the same in the past when I didn't have much spare income. Eventually I realised the scented candles lost their sent and the clothes went out of fashion. Prized family china became fragile from lack of use. Then I almost died and that sure cured me of keeping things for some mythical perfect day in the future. All we have for sure is today, use it, enjoy it.