I’m scared of using new/nice things

I've been trying to remember to use some perfume every day.

I'm loving the updates on this thread as The Things get to start living their best lives!

so I had some clothes shortened so I can wear them rather than just giving them closet space, I managed to wear them this week.
Interestingly an ex's family in Italy wore great stuff but they didn't seem to have a pile of unworn stuff, so a smaller wardrobe of probably more expensive items: not being saved for best.

The “good” tea towels. I’m using raggy old ones.
Because I know DH will use my nice ones to wipe the kitchen counter. They will be ruined. But the ones in current circulation are gone to the bad-side now! I have a bag of nice ones.

On clothes, nice shoes in particular:.. I often think if I lived somewhere with better weather then I’d wear my suede shoes etc… Like, why are women in Milan so well-dressed? I think we buy into aspirational clothes that simply aren’t practical.

Also, glam make-up etc… Folks who buy nice handbags & watches are even saying now that they won’t wear them, for fear of being robbed. I do think we’ve bought into a lot of marketing of these posh items. I like to get bargains, but then save them!

I didn't actually use my posh notepad on the day I said I would but, I took the plunge today. I've unwrapped it and written my favourite quote on the flyleaf. All because of this thread, thank you to everyone!

When I saw my perfume in my drawer I put a good few squirts on, 100% because of this thread! I never go out so no point saving it for evening outings.

Aren't there a lot of us! Made me feel better. I think my not wearing clothes I've bought or shoes or underwear is because it makes me feel secure to have something still with tags on, all fresh if everything else goes to pot... no logic in it at all and eventually, in most cases I will wear the items.... but will not feel secure until there are replacements all bright and new.
Another thing I find hard is removing really well thought out and / or attractive packaging so I keep items for as long as I can in original packaging.
I think it stems from a very " not knowing what might go wrong next" childhood

I've been through phases of this when my mental health is poor. Usually related to work-related issues.

Something that helped me crack it long term was actually the gift of some plates. They belonged to my maternal grandparents and were their "best set". They are made by Wedgewood, so would have been expensive. They aren't a design that I'd have chosen for myself, but I use them as my "everyday plates". Now when I use them I like to think how pleased my grandparents (who both died before I reached my teens) would have been to see one of their grandchildren using and enjoying them.

I'm not a hoarder of clothes, I seize every opportunity to dress up but I am guilty of keeping 'things' for 'just the right time'!
If I receive a craft activity as a gift, for example, a candle making set or an embroidery kit, I am delighted, I love these things.
But then I leave it in its packaging on the shelf, I look at it every day and decide I'm too busy, I'm tired, I can't concentrate etc.
Then I feel guilty so I put it in the cupboard and try to ignore it.
I will eventually make it and be very pleased but I cannot just use I straight away.

Luckily I have learned to understand why I do this. I was born in poverty in the 1950s and my father was an alcoholic. My mother worked so hard and my childhood was happy in that I was loved, never hungry but I didn't have many things.

I can remember receiving a craft set, little cork mats printed with the outline of animals and flowers. You were supposed to paint the designs.
I really did not want to paint these little mats. I often got the set out and looked at them then put them back.

I'm aware that I felt that, unused, I still 'had' them. Once I painted them, they were finished with, the anticipation of painting them was gone. Would I have something new? It was definitely a fear of not having something to look forward to.

Luckily, my DW has a more pragmatic approach, Don't be daft, with a big Cwtch has helped me to live in the moment and enjoy what's before me.

Actually though, I've realised that in my head I'm not getting the Lego Flower bouquet set out (that I got for Christmas after dropping many hints) because I need to clear out the under stairs cupboard first!!

I'm going to work on that today...

Keep it up everyone 🖤 TODAY is your life, hope you're using the best mugs and wearing your nice things.
It's freeeeeezing so wear your favourite wooly hat and gloves! 🥶
I'm wearing my best snow boots instead of the worn old ones and my warm fur coat.

My mum is like this. I've been very ill recently and now feeling like every day I'm well is "best" and the future is uncertain.

Break the habit if you can, or you'll end up like my mum, housebound and frail but still saving things "for best".

@powershowerforanhour
Thanks for answering my sheep's feet question. It's something that's rattled around in my head for a heck of a long time.
My feet are always freezing and I look a sheep with their big woolly coats, the wee skinny legs, frozen ground and think how are their feet not freezing!

"Slightly of topic but do sheep get cold feet?
Obviously they have warm wooly coats but their poor feet?"

When they're lying down their feet are mostly tucked under. Walking about yes but I don't know how much they feel it. They definitely have plenty of pain receptors as lameness due to foot infections is a big problem in sheep. Not sure about heat/cold. There's some fat between the sole and the sensitive tissues of the feet whoch insulates them a bit, and the skin just above the hood is quite thick. Normally a hoof is cool to touch even in summer. They don't like wallowing about in boggy bits but when the ground is frozen they don't seem to mind.

I sort of get what you mean. I am quite precious about my jeans not because they’re posh but because it’s so hard to find jeans that are decent quality and also fit. I’m keen to make them last as long as possible to the point where I’m reluctant to wear them.

She didn't grow up in poverty - the opposite, in fact - but did have very critical, dysfunctional parents.

I think that might be your answer.

I find this such an interesting, and sad, mindset. My closest friend does it; we buy each other very nice presents, but she will keep hers - cashmere socks, lovely candles, pyjamas - in the cupboard for years before using them. She didn't grow up in poverty - the opposite, in fact - but did have very critical, dysfunctional parents. To me, it just seems so very, very wasteful, esp to buy yourself things and never use them, but we all have curious paths that we tread.

@powershowerforanhour lovely, I'm sure the sheep 🐑 appreciated your perfume. Slightly of topic but do sheep get cold feet?
Obviously they have warm wooly coats but their poor feet?

This thread has done me a world of good thank you
No raggedy indoor clothes today
Properly dressed , even though I’m housebound due to weather
I also sprayed on my expensive perfume!!!
now a declutter next
keep up with the decent stuff

Lovely to read of so many people beginning to use things previously kept aside.
What a positive thread! 😍

Thanks to this thread I've just been out to check my sheep and break the ice in the water troughs drenched in 25 year old perfume. It was Lancôme Poême (there are several different old perfumes all 95% full but the rest are lost in clutter somewhere) and smelled OK to me , well the sheep didn't mind anyway. I downgraded a pair of trousers from "just about OK to wear to work" to "farming trousers" and wore those, and a new not expensive pair of gloves I bought last winter, promptly lost, and found when I was looking for the perfume. When I got back I picked the old sheep trousers (ancient jeans with the knees out, heavily frayed hems and the cotton worn thin and starting to shred round the back pockets) off the bedroom floor and took them to the outside bin.

I get that and I've done it recently with both oven gloves and new, expensive (and very pretty) teatowels.

I'm trying very hard to have a word with myself. What's worked for me in the past few weeks is to make a mental note of the tatty stuff that needs to go (teatowels, oven gloves, old bits of make up etc) then on bin day, about half an hour before I know the bin men will be coming, I snatch everything up, chuck it in a bin bag - preferably one that's currently been used for food waste so I can't change my mind - and throw it outside in the bin) It's a great feeling watching the bin lorry sail past and thinking to myself "right, it's gone now. You can move on and use the nice, new stuff"

I also do the same with charity bags. Last minute snatch of things that keep surviving a cull, then just be brave and bold. Similarly, I've hung on to two tops with holes in because I love them. They are way past darning. I was doing some crafts and as I had dressmaking scissors thay were nice and sharp, I snipped up the holey tops for dusters before I could change my mind.

I definitely have some hoarding tendencies. I know and understand the reasons why, but it's taken me ages to start to be able to use lovely things. I've not missed a single thing I've chucked and I've enjoyed using the lovely things previously kept for best. I still have to work very hard on it though.

I can generally understand keeping new clothes 'for good' although I tend to buy for occasions or holidays, so they get their first use and are no longer new

Here one that makes no sense, I bought new oven gloves this week in a supermarket sale because they looked nice, my existing oven gloves are over 20 years old and beyond their best. I can't actually bring myself bin the old ones and use the new ones incase I get them dirty or covered in sauce! Duh!

Do eeet ♥️♥️

I can't help putting things away for best. I have copied it from my mum, who in turn copied it from her mother.

My daughter is the opposite who I think doesn't look any different day to day. She always looks smart/immaculate. I always look dowdy/tired day to day and people tend not to recognise me when I get dressed up for special occasions.

I can't change - I've tried.

I think it's fantastic that my children haven't copied me. That would've been something else to feel guilty about.

I have also found this thread helpful and am taking concrete action, e.g. wore my nice jacket today. I may even wear the 'nice' winter coat this week ;)