Did I overreact or did he?

If you like him then I’d suggest taking a step back and allowing him the space to arrange dates etc so that you know you’re not the one pushing things along. If he’s really trying to let you down gently he will be hesitant to book up your next date/meet up.

Be busy, maybe unable to meet up next time he suggests it, not to play games as such, but to get an idea of how keen he is to rearrange if you’re the one who’s busy.

He created the entire situation by mentioning his need to focus on work.

I'd ask him if he has space for dating if he's not sure or it's a no end it.

Nobody is responsible for the time he spends on his business, (or anything actually) but himself. That's a him issue.

After 3 months I'd want to know where I stood before I spent anymore time on him.

I would be impressed at all.
He gets irritated at you responding reasonably to his statement.
He has poor regulation of his emotions.
You are not his emotional punching bag.

I would be far less available OP, if at all.
Yes setting up a business might be stressful but you barely know him.

Be firm on your boundaries.
He's rude.
Do not tolerate it.
Moody and cranky is not attractive.

I agree, he could be using you for sex whilst trying to make clear he has no interest or time for anything else.

I would tell him focus on his business as you are not interested.

I wouldn't wait for him to contact or leave it openended like that. You are not some plaything that he is welcome to just pick up and put down whenever he chooses, you have so much more worth than that.

I'd let him lead for a bit, being mindful of his actions/behaviours/words. If he kept it up I'd wish him the best in his venture and leave it at that. We had some fun for a while etc and it is time to move on

Either he's chaotic and unable to manage his time, or he wants to keep it casual. Maybe both. But he's unable to communicate like an adult, which makes the whole thing more difficult than it needs to be. I think you've been entirely reasonable. I don't think he'd going to sort himself out any time soon so I'd probably leave him to it if I were you.

Sorry OP but it sounds like he's using you for sex. He's using his work as an excuse to keep things casual then getting angry when you question him.

You haven’t overreacted at all. He’s letting you know that you’re a distraction but won’t end things fully because by letting you know he’s got more important things to be dealing with, that puts the onus on you to leave. If you don’t then you’re accepting whatever attention he’ll give you and you can’t complain about it because he told you you were a distraction.

You need to call the shots on this and tell him you think it’s best to spend some time apart for the foreseeable future.

He’s not a lovely gem. You’ve been seeing each other for three months and he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship with you.

He is in fact wasting your time. You deserve more and better.

I don't think he can have it both ways - if 3 months in is too soon for you to be 'challenging' his thinking it's also too soon for him to be moaning at you. It's hardly romantic and suggestions that he may be rather self centred to me. You had a lovely morning but he felt fit to bring the mood down and seek some response from you. He is right that you should be on the 'honesymoon' phase at 3 months after only X dates - but he isnt acting like that by whining and thinking out loud.

I would try and not fall into the trap of this as it isnt a very attractive trait at all.

It is a big deal. And if you want to give it 100% of your focus in the startup phase you don’t really have any focus left for a relationship. That’s simply the reality. He may not have the bandwidth for a new business and a new relationship at the same time. He’s made his priorities clear.

Sounda like he's torn and may have set up unrealistic expectations of himself ie 100% of his time and focus to his business.
I don't think ybu to ask him questions, but it would seem he's already feeling pressured and then taking that pressure out on you hy his reaction.

His musings are 'he wants to focus 100% on the business and stop getting distracted by other things'. Their dates/ relationship is 'another thing'. The OP is a stakeholder in that thing. She isn't needy to want some clarity on whether she should continue to invest time and emotional capital. He didn't say it once. He even said it in bed.

I don't think she should be passive. She was right to politely ask what he meant.

If he's saying he's too busy or stressed for a relationship the. That's what's likely to go in these early days.

He didn't respond appropriately which doesn't show much empathy given it's him making the remarks.

Fine to get rid early but she doesn't want to drag it on when she could be meeting someone with capacity.

I think you are being too needy in a 3 Month old relationship.
He is just thinking aloud.

Well obviously you are interested in your own future and want to know if you are wasting YOUR precious time by investing it in him. Why does he see his time as more important than yours.

I think you’re both being reasonable. To you the timing makes you concerned, to him he’s just talking about his worries and this makes him feel pressured when you’ve only been together 3 months.

HIBU. You haven't asked for any long term assurances, just to know whether his oddly timed comments relate to you. You let the first one go, but asked for clarity the second time and he kicked off. I wouldn't find his behaviour particularly transparent if I'm honest.

I'd want a sincere apology for that outburst and an explanation of what he means, proactively at the least.

I see a lot of posts on here where partners set up their own business and never feel they have enough time for it and so everyone and everything else has to fall by the wayside.

(Often the business also fails as it was an ‘I can’t be tied down, I need to be my own boss’ pipe dream rather than a carefully thought through commercial undertaking with realistic budgeting and forecasting).

The fact he can’t even see what a fucking rude thing this is to say in the context in which he said it would lead me to pull back from the relationship. Then he can devote all the time in the world to his entrepreneurial pursuits.

Definitely this imho. Starting your own business is a big deal and I’d def be a bit grumpy if I was sharing that I felt guilty about not doing it 100 per cent of the time (a normal thing to feel and want to share) and my partner kept saying ‘are you saying you don’t want to be with me then?’!

You’re not asking him to make promises for the future, merely to define the present. That’s absolutely fair enough. If he’s not interested you don’t want to waste your time.

It could be as people say above or he could actually just be using you as a sounding board about his worries for the business, in which case I’d probably find it irritating if every time I was worrying out loud about how productive I was etc you said ‘but are you talking about me? Where do you see us going?

You only asked because he said it, twice, with you. Quite a valid question: it it his subconscious kicking in?

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. At three months in you might not be sure about how you feel about another person, but you know if you want a settled down relationship in the near future or if you’re enjoying casual dating and want to carry on with it.

He might be a great bloke, but that doesn’t mean you need to waste time on him if the two of you are looking for different things.