DH said I was cruel and fat shamed him

Good grief op, he sounds nasty!

The people posting about UPF are probably not the same ones saying it’s only a McDonald’s. The husband isn’t ‘dieting’ really and he along with OP and the child already have a take away a week. Offer your family what you like, you just need to do your own research and make your own choices like we all do.

Because no one is saying eat McDs every day. Food habits don't have to be that rigid.

If money is tight and your child is overweight then I can see why DH was against it, especially as your child already has take away once a week and your DH has had to work really hard to loose weight. However he was horrible and childish in how he said it, you through the eating habits in his face was childish too but that’s what happens when someone attacks you. Sounds like you both need a grownup conversation about finances and how he speaks to you.

His binge eating on his treat day shows he still has an eating disorder, that's a huge amount for a person to eat...is he bulimic by any chance?

Does he have any good traits?

I would genuinely like to know how people can post on here "Its only a Maccy Ds" then there are threads about ultra processed food.
I am not having a go. I am not feeding small children and do not eat this sort of food. I just said if the husband was dieting go somewhere else.
I am not trying to be superior about food here believe me.
I am just confused as to what the main message is to people these days as to how to feed their family
When I have my family around what do I offer?

OFGS. 🙄

Well, he does sound rather controlling and maybe a bit of a dickhead.

I don't think I would quite call what you said "fat shaming" but I would still say that calling someone who has struggled to bring their diet and weight under control "king of the takeaways" is a sticky wicket.

You're not wrong about the happy meal being a nice treat for DS once in a while. In fact, I'm sure I once read that happy meals aren't as calorific as you might think. Can't for the life of me remember where though.

What does he add to your life, exactly? Doesn't sound like much

I think I'd be telling him to get to fuck, especially over the messy garden. He doesn't want to sort shit out but isn't happy when you do it.
Bet he doesn't do any if the cooking either. Fucker.

All this talk about not referring to Maccy D's as a treat. I'd prefer them to see it as a treat, as in every now and again, not an all the time food.

This is what I couldn't understand.
He complained about buying McDonald's but is happy when it is his choice having takeaway once a week; also he said about the cost yet didn't mention stopping this weekly 'treat'.
I think next time he wants to order takeaway I would bring his own arguments back up and tell him what he thought!

Why are you taking an overweight child to McDonald's?

The fact your child is overweight points towards disordered behaviour around food in the home anyway.

DH also has a takeaway once a week, I’m not keen on them but he enjoys having a treat once a week. He spends a lot of money every week

Spending lots of money on takeaway once a week, doesn't sound like he has much chance to miss them!

People with weight issues are touchy about food, esp at this time of year. It's not ideal but I can be like this myself, in the wrong mood, the 'threat' of fast food could make me overreact and nix the idea, being OTT as if it'll be the thing that'll make all the difference. Plenty of women are like this with food/weight issues so i guess it's just a bit more unusual that it's a guy but as you say, he's only recently grappled with his weight problems and probably still has a way to go to react more normally in all moods. I'd move on from it and not get into who's to blame. It's a human thing, you love each other, try to cut each other some slack. Probably hurts that he thinks you see him as some big fat takeaway guzzler (what king of takeaways meant in his head in the moment) and you're no doubt hurt that he thinks you're a bad mum feeding DS crap (what it felt like to you). On a nice sunny summer day, the row might never have happened.

You don't have to go nuts just because it's McDonalds. My son will have a Happy Meal and I'll have a cheeseburger at 300 calories. I don't get the extreme reaction to McDs on here. Everyone knows it's not the healthiest but no one is obese because they get a big mac meal once a month.

I don't get how you fat shamed him OP. Sounds like he made a mountain out of a molehill. As for you having making up to do fuck that.

‘Ok he is like a dry drunk: he controls his addiction by rigidly keeping to his self imposed schedule of restrictions (salad during the week) and treats (expensive take away)—this is nothing more than a successful eating disorder combining restriction with bingeing. Your “offer” of mcd for your son (in his mind) threatened his ritual in two ways :it challenged his dominance over money/treats and it reminded him that he was technically in his restricting phase.’

This sums it up perfectly, especially given your later info about the vast consumption of ‘junk’ in the ‘permitted’ day. Basically DH is ‘cycling’ between excessive consumption, and excessive inanition/ repression. The peaks and troughs, the oscillation in food and type of food is going to lead to or exacerbate mood swings of the sort you describe. He is not living ‘healthily’ , and so he is going to be more prone to unhealthy and irrational behaviour as you are describing.

I don’t know what to do about this, but I feel that it is a situation which may well worsen if he cannot break the cycle and adopt a more measured approach to eating. Good luck, OP.

Lots going on here.

I'm not expert but your husband's treat day does sound a bit worrying.

Why did he say you're obsessed with takeaways when you say you don't like them and he's the one that gets them? Do you regularly give them to DS?

I don't agree with the way he has handled this, but I do think the Macdonald's idea was not great and a bit odd that you'd take DS there for a treat and not eat anything. It seems a bit pointless and unhealthy.

He does sound a bit as if he resents money that’s not spent directly on him? And if that’s related to how much he can get for himself on his treat day - well, you’re looking at very disordered thinking. I don’t think it’s fat shaming to refer to basically an addiction to that kind of food, but I can see he would be in denial.

Ha Ha Ha
But if your husband struggles with junk food would it not be a kinder thing to take your child together to somewhere that he does not find upsetting while keeping to his diet.
There is a vast space of options between mc donalds and celery sicks at waitrose ( thanks to the sarky puss that said that)
Do you not have cafes or anything else other than mc donalds?

I’ve got a food-addicted friend who drives me insane by getting quite angry every time she’s got a dinner invite. In her telling, she’s finally got her eating under control and now someone daring to cook a nice meal is going to derail everything.

It’s completely irrational to everyone else but obviously feels so real to her. I guess proximity to McDonald’s feels a bit like that for your husband, even though he’s actually reined the eating in?

My friend also has all these things she constantly says about junk food being “gross” and how she feels “terrible” the day after she’s eaten processed food, as if she can reason her way out of the addiction. When your husband said you can’t afford a McDonald’s, it could be one of the arguments in his head to ward off the threat of the takeaway. Again, totally irrational – a Jammie Dodger isn’t inherently gross, it’s just a biscuit! And you guys can afford a Happy Meal on a dreary Monday!

You really didn’t deserve the criticism from him about McDonald’s or about the junk going to the tip, does he have hoarding tendencies?

Interesting. If he thinks you haven't got enough money to pay for someone to collect and dispose of rubbish, where does he think will you get the money for driving lessons from?