DH said I was cruel and fat shamed him

DS is autistic (non verbal/pre verbal) and I try to do small things with him to socialise him, teach him about waiting, sitting at the table, eating his food, talking about what’s going on around us etc. little outings like a hot chocolate and a cake in a cafe, short and sweet just to get him slowly used to eating out and having to wait/sit nicely at a table etc.

You are such a great mother 💐

It doesn’t sound like your DH likes you very much to be honest. What are his good points?

So he's ok to say that you're obsessed with take away, but you can't say he's the king of take away - double standards to me

On. The. Money.

Going out to eat, be it a burger or a cake, is a treat.
To eat at some garden centres (mine included) is far more expensive, if you are short of cash, a burger works out far cheaper.

Bloody hell, give the OP a break, you would think she had encouraged her child to eat cynide.🙄

I think your DH needs some therapy to work through his disordered eating and behaviour. Work through his difficult childhood issues.
He also needs to understand his role in the family and what he's expected to do and, consequently, if you have to do the bulk of the organisation, he has to accept your decisions. Let him have a paddy about it and just carry on. Sounds like things are tough enough anyway with an autistic child.

I find it odd that you yourself don't enjoy fast food, but yet are teaching your kid that a McDonald burger is a treat to look forward to.
I get the eating out thing, but it would be better to pick something you both enjoy no? It's part of the experience.

That said I'm biased as I do find McD disgusting and flavourless, so for us it's more of a last resort food on the motorway type of thing 😂

Your husband sounds like a twat. It looks like he is frustrated by his own suboptimal behaviour,.and is taking it out on you when you inadvertently highlight it.

I don’t call McDonald’s an everyday food either, that’s not what I meant about treats. What I meant was referring to food, any food really, as a treat in the sense of something special to make you feel good, to cheer you up, make up for going to school tomorrow, as a reward etc. There’s food I’m happy for my children to eat unlimited amounts of and food that can be enjoyed in varying degrees of moderation - but it’s all just food.

If my child were already overweight I would be upset if my partner were randomly taking him to McDonalds or to have hot chocolate and cake as mentioned in another post. You can go out and get something healthy, or do something else non-food-related as a treat.

Your husband sounds like an insufferable dickhead. Emotionally manipulative, insecure and from what you have said a bone idle grifter. You deserve better OP. You sound like a really lovely mum who’s had enough of being treated like dirt and left to do everything yourself all of the time. I’d tell him that unless he’s going to get off his lazy backside, start behaving like an adult and pull his weight then I couldn’t give a toss about his sanctimonious bullshit opinion. Absolute barefaced cheek of the man!

So he told you that you were obsessed with takeaways

You told him he was the king of takeaways.

You apologised (no idea why) but he didn't - for what is a very similar comment.

And now he says you've got a lot of making up to do.

Tell him to get over himself ffs.

no, you do!

Hear, hear - exactly - MacCrap is no treat.

You have issues don't you?

It's seems so odd to me that you're reaching your overweight young child that McDonald's is a "treat".
Your FH has struggled with his weight since childhood. You should be trying to stop the cycle. In an emergency where there were no options but junky fast food I'd be apologising to my children for giving it to them and saying how they don't have to eat it if they don't want it. Treat it as the crap it is.

A treat should have been the time you spent together, an extra 5 minutes at the park or if it needs to be food then why not a slice of cake at the garden centre- much more civilised.

There seem to be a lot more issues here than the McDs and takeaways.

He's happy to sit back and be completely absent from family life /take no responsibility then he kicks off when you do. Not just that but you "don't ask his permission either".

He doesn't see you as an equal, but beneath him. That's the real issue. Everything else is just... noise.

I think it sounds like your husband is "sensitive" regarding food/take aways perhaps rightly so if he's struggled with his weight and finally lost a fair bit. Maybe for him to sit and watch your son and potentially others eat and enjoy food is something your hubby would find difficult if he isn't joining in?

How did he ‘fat shame you’

He said you like take aways, and you said he was the king of them. Who called who fat?

I’m going out on a limb here. I think you make a point about not liking takeaways every week (before eating it anyway) and the hypocrisy of then suggesting a Mc Donald’s is what made him blow up.

Calling someone "the King of Takeaways" is hardly insult of the century is it 🙄He sounds tiresome.

As he's your DH, and presumably you love him etc, I wouldn't have said it's worth falling out over his grumpiness. However, I certainly wouldn't be grovelling over it either x

My general reaction to nice food round Christmas is to eat it and drink the alcohol. Then eat soup for a week after its over on January 6th. I know, though, that some people struggle and if OP's DH has this issue then a random McDonald's is probably a trigger. Why not somewhere nicer that sells real food, anyway?

Stop seeing junk food as a treat. Food is fuel. Way to give your kid the complex you seem to have.

Your h saying you have a lot of making up to do is stupid. I'd tell him to piss off.

Why did you suggest that the two of you have nothing and just sit and watch DS eat a happy meal? Is it because you are hard up and can't afford to buy even a tea/coffee each for yourselves or was it because of your DH weight issues? I can see how both would cause offence.

A family trip to McDonald's should include something for everyone. If you can't afford it, you don't go. Even someone on a diet can find something to eat - small fries, small burger, my MIL who is always on a diet is partial to a Happy Meal. I can see how your suggestion that neither of you eat could have been taken as a dig about his weight.