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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

139 replies

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:31

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 06/01/2025 15:22

I think it would be really odd to invite her.
You're clearly not friends....

Bearhunt468 · 06/01/2025 15:21

No, I didn't invite my DH best man wife to my hen do and he didn't invite my moh/bridesmaid partners to his stag. It's your hen and you have who you want there.

Cosyblankets · 06/01/2025 15:20

yggvugg · 06/01/2025 14:50

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

Good idea

Lurkingandlearning · 06/01/2025 15:17

On the whole I agree with you about not inviting her but as her partner is going to be best man she is going to be spending a lot of the wedding on her own so I think I would invite her to the hen do, just so she’d met a few people she could chat with.

She doesn’t sound awful in that she’d sabotage your hen night. You and your good friends will hardly notice her standoffishness

MounjaroOnMyMind · 06/01/2025 15:17

If she's not someone you'd socialise with on your own, then no, I wouldn't invite her. She's made it clear she wouldn't want to come anyway, so you'd both be resentful if you invited her and she felt she had to attend.

Winterskyfall · 06/01/2025 15:16

I wouldn't invite her. She's made no effort with you so why would you have her lessen your fun at your hen party. She may well cling on to you for the day/night if you are the only one she knows. And honestly, if I was her and didn't particularly like you I'd prefer not to be invited because I wouldn't want to come but I also wouldn't want to say no and be rude to my boyfriend's friends.

Ellie1015 · 06/01/2025 15:08

You should invite her if

1 - the hen do was part of the abroad wedding and she would otherwise be left alone.

2 - there are a group of couples friends and the other wives/girlfriends are invited (and i woould expect one of those wives/girlfriend to keep her company).

3 - if it was future sil but again would expect mil or other family to chat to her.

As none of these apply absolutely no reason to invite her. Fiance needs to stop feeling bad about it. Is he inviting your other friends boyfriends ie not your brother who by now is also his friend and soon to be family.

pizzaHeart · 06/01/2025 15:05

littlemissalwaystired · 06/01/2025 14:40

I personally wouldn't invite her. She's coming to the wedding and that's the main thing. It's your hen, you should have your friends and family that that you're comfortable around and who you want there. I'm getting married in a few months and the hen do is one thing I really would not invite people to out of obligationSmile

This^

Jl2014 · 06/01/2025 15:03

If I were her I really wouldn’t expect to be invited. I genuinely don’t think she would be upset at all.

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 15:02

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2025 15:00

It would be ludicrous to invite her imo. What on earth is your df thinking?

He is a beautiful person and doesn’t like upsetting people. I am much less of a people pleaser, hence the reason for my AIBU. I will be sticking with not inviting her, DF is fine either way, he just thinks it’s a bit odd lol.

OP posts:
Sazzerss · 06/01/2025 15:01

Absolutely not.
Your Hen is for your friends.
She isn't a friend of yours.
Don't be guilted by him.

Trumptonagain · 06/01/2025 15:00

I wouldn't invite her. If you don't get along to well socially she may even be relieved at not being invited.

She's going to the wedding as you DF's best man's girlfriend, which is all she is to you.

Richard1985 · 06/01/2025 15:00

My wife and my best friend's wife didn't go to each others hen dos despite getting on perfectly well

As said, it's for your friends and family and is awkward if she only knows one person (you)

there was no expectation of an invite or any hard feelings about it

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2025 15:00

It would be ludicrous to invite her imo. What on earth is your df thinking?

Isittimeformynapyet · 06/01/2025 14:59

thinktwice36 · 06/01/2025 14:46

I’d prob invite her, then you’ve done the courteous thing. And hope she regretfully declines 😂

who knows she might be delighted to be included and actually turn out to be a great laugh on the hen? X

Inviting her and hoping she'll decline is a dangerous strategy. I can imagine her starting a thread here like:

"My boyfriend is going to be his BF's best man and the bride has invited me to her hen. I hardly know her really. It'll cost me £xxx to attend. I don't want to go but don't want to be rude. Would IBU to decline"

And then 50% of Mumsnet telling her it'd be rude.

TipsyKoala · 06/01/2025 14:57

If I was in your position it wouldn't occur to me to invite her.

buttonousmaximous · 06/01/2025 14:51

I wouldn't invite her, she's not your friend or family. Your hen do should be for you to enjoy yourself, let your hair down with people you love and who love you. Also your hen do has exactly fuck all to do with your dp. Stand your ground.

HenDoNot · 06/01/2025 14:51

I’m sort of in the position of the girlfriend in this situation (I’m not literally her).

A very good friend of DH is getting married and I like his partner but she’s 15 years younger than us, we have little in common, and I have no interest in going on her hen do.

They’re also getting married abroad and we are both invited to the wedding.

It hasn’t occurred to me that I might be invited on her hen do. I hope I’m not. I only ever see her with her partner and my DH. This thread has made me think I may ask DH to tell his mate to tell her I’m not expecting, nor do I want an invite to the hen do.

yggvugg · 06/01/2025 14:50

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:49

It didn’t cross my mind to consider inviting her until DF queried it. She won’t be the only woman attending the wedding who won’t be at the hen party as a few of my friends live elsewhere and can’t make the hen but will be at the wedding. Hopefully she’ll not give it a seconds thought either.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 06/01/2025 14:48

CollectedStories · 06/01/2025 14:43

It wouldn't occur to me to have invited her. Hens are for the brides friends and family. Not 'girlfriend of one of the groom's friends whom neither bride nor groom particularly like'. She's clearly not that into you either, so I doubt she'd be upset.

Same here. Surely hen dos are for closest friends and family. I think there were only 6 of us on mine. It didn't occur to me to invite my SIL or best man's girlfriend (who i barely knew). As far as I know no one was offended. This was 25 years ago though, maybe the etiquette has changed!

CurbsideProphet · 06/01/2025 14:48

When we got married I didn't invite the wife of my DH's best man to my hen do. She's very pleasant but we are not friends and she had never met any of my friends. It would have been weird to invite her.

YankSplaining · 06/01/2025 14:48

I vote you’re not unreasonable. I’m a best man’s wife - wedding is this weekend - and not close to the bride, and I wasn’t offended to not be invited to her bachelorette party (we’re American). We’re not close, even though we’ve gotten together socially from time to time.

Shrinkingrose · 06/01/2025 14:48

I’d invite her. However your phrase of this is your time to catch up with loved ones, do you not see your family often? I assume not, hence why this is your time to catch up with them,?

if you just don’t like her and don’t want her there just own it.

thinktwice36 · 06/01/2025 14:46

I’d prob invite her, then you’ve done the courteous thing. And hope she regretfully declines 😂

who knows she might be delighted to be included and actually turn out to be a great laugh on the hen? X

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