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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

139 replies

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:31

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

OP posts:
SpringfieldPet · 06/01/2025 20:46

It's a small wedding. How many people will she know if she isn't invited to the hen do, where she could at least break ice with others?

5128gap · 06/01/2025 20:41

Invite her and tell her she's welcome to bring a friend as she won't know anybody. She probably won't come.

stichguru · 06/01/2025 20:38

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:49

It didn’t cross my mind to consider inviting her until DF queried it. She won’t be the only woman attending the wedding who won’t be at the hen party as a few of my friends live elsewhere and can’t make the hen but will be at the wedding. Hopefully she’ll not give it a seconds thought either.

I don't think you need to at all. The only reason you should would be if the hen and stag parties were abroad before the wedding and the only people GF knew in the country would be at the stag/hen party that day!

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 06/01/2025 20:33

I would invite her. Sounds like she'd be unlikely to go anyway.

BBQPete · 06/01/2025 18:10

hens are for close female friends/family members, not an addition to the wedding for all the guests? My hen dos (had a weekend and a night out) were just my personal friends who largely knew each other or had met before. Never crossed my mind to invite partners of the groomsmen.

this ^

I wouldn't have invited her either.

thing47 · 06/01/2025 18:09

This is spot on. It doesn't sound like you have any sort of close relationship outside of her being your DH's best man's girlfriend, OP. In those circumstances, of course it is perfectly reasonable not to invite her to your hen.

DD has just said that she expects large parts of her hen to be her school and university friends taking the piss out of her and bringing up embarrassing stories from her past. Which is fine but not something the best man's girlfriend can contribute to!

SunnyHappyPeople · 06/01/2025 18:03

She's hard work, makes no effort with you and you don't like her.

Why would you even think of inviting her?

Who cares if she finds out/what she thinks.

This is your big day and preparations. You do what you want to do!

latetothefisting · 06/01/2025 17:46

best man's gf isn't really invited to your wedding though, is she? She's essentially just a plus one for best man. If they broke up she wouldn't still come. So no, I don't think there should be any obligation to invite her on your hen, which is supposed to be for close friends and family.

Endofyear · 06/01/2025 17:21

I would invite her and look upon it as an opportunity to get to know her better. She's your future husband's best friend's partner so you will probably be spending a fair bit of time with her in the future. You say she's stand offish but that could just be social awkwardness or shyness. She probably won't come and make an excuse but at least you'll have extended the hand of friendship!

CautiousLurker01 · 06/01/2025 16:49

yorktown · 06/01/2025 14:36

Out of interest though, is DF inviting the partners of your bridesmaids, etc. to his stag do?

Edited

This - hens are for close female friends/family members, not an addition to the wedding for all the guests? My hen dos (had a weekend and a night out) were just my personal friends who largely knew each other or had met before. Never crossed my mind to invite partners of the groomsmen.

Squirrelblanket · 06/01/2025 16:43

I wouldn't invite her. I had a similar relationship with my sister in law (made effort, didn't really gel) and she invited me to her hen party. I thought it was a nice gesture and and olive branch. It was just really awkward as it was immediately obvious she'd only asked to be polite. I wish I hadn't gone!

GRex · 06/01/2025 16:40

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:49

It didn’t cross my mind to consider inviting her until DF queried it. She won’t be the only woman attending the wedding who won’t be at the hen party as a few of my friends live elsewhere and can’t make the hen but will be at the wedding. Hopefully she’ll not give it a seconds thought either.

Are the women on DF's side all invited to your hen do; his mum, sister, any cousins? Are all the men on your side invited to his stag do; your dad as well as BIL? If not then that may help show DF that it is just not the event for his mate's girlfriend.

MammaTo · 06/01/2025 16:37

I’d invite her and offer for her to bring a friend to keep her company.

mollymazda · 06/01/2025 16:33

i would invite but expect a rejection... and if she comes, it might be an opportunity to get to know her a little better, cos it sounds like she's going to be in your lives for sometime anyway.

you say there is no real reason why you don't get on.. i was recently excluded from a hen do because myself and the brides mother don't see eye to eye. (i am the wife of dad). If i had been invited i had already decided i would politely decline, but the fact that they organised the hen do in secret and everyone chose to exclude me hurt..

Gabitule · 06/01/2025 16:32

I would invite her (just in case not inviting her would upset DF’s best friend) but I would then get SF to text his friend and say ‘’hey, I know my DF invited your gf to her hen do. It would be so lovely if she came but if she doesn’t want to come we completely understand as the people at the hen do are people she hasn’t yet met and my DF won’t have time to chat with her much as she’ll have to interact with all her guests. Blah blah ‘’

I think there’s a high likelihood that she won’t come but if she does, she’ll already know what to expect so you don’t have to spend any time with her

CaurnieBred · 06/01/2025 16:29

I wouldn't invite her, but I would speak to the Best Man first to give him the heads up.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 06/01/2025 16:24

Oh I think yabu - it looks rude not to invite her but have her at the wedding

And she might just be shy? It doesn't sound like she's done anything unkind to you to warrant being left out, just is a bit different to you

I'd invite her but not go out of your way to babysit her as pp have said

thing47 · 06/01/2025 16:11

I have a.DD getting married this year @BusyBride so I asked her. She said no way, and thought the idea of inviting girlfriends of best man or ushers to her hen was very odd. Her fiance is not asking MoH's boyfriend of 2 years to his stag because they have only met a couple of times.

So your instincts are fine, go with them 🙂

mindutopia · 06/01/2025 16:06

Are you close? It doesn’t sound like it. If you want to invite her, do. If not, I think it’s fine. Dh has been best man twice and I’ve never been invited to the hen do, even though I am actually friends with the partners in a ‘couple friends’ sort of way. Unless you’re going for a huge hen do, I think it’s okay to just invite people you are actually independently friends with. But I think it’s also okay to extend an olive branch and an invitation, she may say no, but won’t be offended you offered.

JHound · 06/01/2025 16:02

Why on earth would “Best Man’s” girlfriend been invited - or have I misread it? Are you going overseas for the wedding and hen together? If so that would be highly unreasonable to not invite her.

Notsureaboutusername · 06/01/2025 15:58

From what you have said you do not seem to have a connection which is a pity. But she may be relieved that she is not invited to the ‘Hen Do’ as she is not your friend.

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2025 15:44

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:39

The hen party will be 2 months before the wedding. My only bridesmaid is my sister so yes DF is inviting her husband to his stag party but they will be brothers in law but I get where you’re coming from @yorktown

Hen parties are for friends and family

Not the whole wedding party

LibbyL92 · 06/01/2025 15:44

I’m also having a wedding abroad.

I was not planning on inviting my other halves best man’s, GF… barely know her. Not even a topic of discussion.

she’s coming abroad and will be doing mini hen out there which she will come to. But not my UK one. It’s close friends and some family members.

rubiconartist · 06/01/2025 15:26

I wouldn't invite her. The hen do was for my close friends and family not any woman also invited to the wedding. There were plenty of people who didn't come to my hen who did to the wedding.

She probably wouldn't come but what if she does? You've got somewhere there you don't really know or like which is awkward.

LaDeeDaDeeDa · 06/01/2025 15:25

No i would not invite her!

The good relationship is between the two men. You've met her and a friendship has not taken off so there is no need to invite her to your hen do.

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