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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

139 replies

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:31

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

OP posts:
Insidelaurashead · 09/01/2025 09:43

I'm also in a similar position to @HenDoNot DP's uni friend (who he is still very close to) and his lovely partner are getting married abroad. I have met her a couple of times, I've only ever met any of them a couple of times (they live a couple of hours away) and I speak to her on social media sometimes but wouldn't expect her to invite me to her hen do, even though we're going to the wedding. Would obviously be very flattered if she did, rather than offended, but I expect her to spend that time with her close friends and family, as she should

wombat15 · 09/01/2025 09:39

It never crossed my mind that I would be invited to the Hen Party of DH's friends GFs unless they were also my friend. It is your party not his.

Thoughtsonallsorts · 09/01/2025 09:37

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:39

The hen party will be 2 months before the wedding. My only bridesmaid is my sister so yes DF is inviting her husband to his stag party but they will be brothers in law but I get where you’re coming from @yorktown

Sorry OP but in that case I'd invite her even more so due to her partner being the best man. Perhaps a way forward would be for you to actually ask the best man to find out if she would like to go because your not sure given she won't know anyone whether she would like to be included in the list. You could also say she is very welcome but you don't want to make her feel awkward by refusing if given she wouldn't know anyone there she'd rather not attend. It's just a thought but worth considering.

valentinka31 · 09/01/2025 09:34

Of course you should invite her. She will have everyone else to mingle with.

Think about how awkward it will make everything if you don't. And she hasn't offended you, you just don't particularly know or get on with her. It would be very unkind imo not to invite her, because if there's only a small group out there abroad, it will be dreadful if she isn't invited. You absolutely must. In my opinion.

AnneButNotHathaway · 09/01/2025 09:27

I wouldn't invite her nor would I be offended for not being invited if I were her. The hen do, imo, is for the bride and her friends and she's not one of them 💁She'll be at the party, she'll be in the photos, she'll be in the video or a smartshow 3d slideshow or whatever you'll have, that's enough for a plus 1 guest imo.

muddymuckymoody · 09/01/2025 09:19

I’ve been to a few hen parties where I didn’t know anyone. You just muck in and make friends and then you have people at the wedding you’ll know. It’s up to her if she wants to stand alone all day. Leave her to it

NoTouch · 09/01/2025 09:17

You find her standoff-ish and difficult to connect with - perhaps she lack confidence, or your relationship will just take time to understand/get to know each other better. If you would like that relationship to improve because it is your dh's best friends partner I would make the effort and invite her, but I am a more the merrier type of person unless someone is intentionally disruptive/rude etc

BeAzureAnt · 09/01/2025 09:14

I was a bridesmaid at my SIL's wedding and played piano for her during the ceremony, but I wasn't invited to her hen/bachelorette party. I did not know her that well, and I was not offended in the least.

user1492757084 · 09/01/2025 09:13

Invite her.
You said she doesn't know that many people. In preparation for the wedding it is kind that she gets to meet some of the wedding guests. She will appreciate seeing familiar faces when her boyfriend is busy with Best Man duties...

godmum56 · 09/01/2025 09:11

Actually, twice I have been in this position (GF of best man) in my younger days and not given it a second thought

Northernladdette · 09/01/2025 09:11

I’ve been invited to hen dos but not the weddings!

InStarbucksRehab · 09/01/2025 09:07

I wouldn’t invite her

WoolySnail · 09/01/2025 09:06

yggvugg · 06/01/2025 14:50

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

But if she can't be arsed with op generally then can't see her making an effort with guests, and you run the risk of two standoffish guests making everyone feel uncomfortable x

penelopelondon · 09/01/2025 09:05

I would not invite her because she's not a friend nor shown she wants to become one or socialised with your friends so it's going to be akward, this is your hen do and it's a non formal fun event for your very closest GF's, you owe her no explanations. The only reason she's being invited to the wedding is because* *she's your best mans GF. If she wants to become 'real friends' with you she's going to make some effort and put some work into it, in the meanwhile she's an acquaintance. Be nice and polite to her (but not passive aggressive), that's all.

Miaminmoo · 09/01/2025 09:04

You’re overthinking it, you are not responsible for her ‘enjoyment’ just invite her, and if she comes introduce her to everyone and then let her fend for herself. It doesn’t sound like she will come anyway but you can avoid any awkwardness by at least inviting her. I Invited a friend who didn’t know anyone else to my Hen do and it meant the wedding went even better as she then knew everyone already.

Eddielizzard · 09/01/2025 08:59

No, hens are for close friends and family. I don't think she'd mind not being invited either!

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 09/01/2025 08:52

If I was in her position I wouldn't expect you to invite me to the Hen. I would expect you to be doing that with your close friends and family and wouldn't be offended at all if I didn't receive an invite. In fact I think I'd feel awkward if you invited me, although I would think it an incredibly kind gesture. The fact that I'd be going to your lovely wedding would be more than enough for me.

(I love a wedding, someone please invite me!!!)

MrsDefrost · 09/01/2025 08:42

The hen is 2 months before the wedding.
You're inviting close family and friends, not every woman invited to the wedding day.
You don't know her very well.
Of course you don't invite her. This is no different to being invited to any wedding as a partner/plus 1.
Your DF is inviting her partner to his stag because they are good mates and he's his best man. That's completely different.

BonfireToffee · 09/01/2025 08:41

Shrinkingrose · 06/01/2025 14:48

I’d invite her. However your phrase of this is your time to catch up with loved ones, do you not see your family often? I assume not, hence why this is your time to catch up with them,?

if you just don’t like her and don’t want her there just own it.

She has “owned it” — that’s the whole point of her post. Who would want a random misery guts at their hen do? Hen dos are about being doted on by your nearest and dearest girlfriends and female relatives, not babysitting your bf’s mate’s gf.

enqmind · 09/01/2025 08:37

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RosesAndHellebores · 09/01/2025 08:36

34 years ago I didn't invite DH's Best Man's girlfriend to my hen do. We became much closer when we had babies around the same time.

Two years ago DIL didn't invite DS's Best man's girlfriend to her hen do.

Hen dos are for the bride's nearest and dearest not the groom's best friend's girl friend.

CocoapuffPuff · 09/01/2025 08:35

I wouldn't invite her at all. Your hen do is for you, not your fiancé. He can invite her to his stag if he's that bothered.

enqmind · 09/01/2025 08:35

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BabyNameHelpPleaseMumsies · 09/01/2025 08:34

You have misunderstood the meaning of PC @WhimsicalGubbins76

SJM1988 · 09/01/2025 08:31

I didn't invite my DH best men's (he had two) girlfriends (now wives) to my hen do. I didn't really know one and hadn't met the other.
As she wont be the only one not attending the Hen but attending the wedding I think it is fine.

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