To ask dh to help out occasionally when he is wfh

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but really do think you should have some permanent childcare in place while you’re both working. I was never allowed to wfh with little children around (only in cases if child was ill) but I simply don’t think he’s wrong.

Lots of people saying "your poor mum" etc. My mum retired early many years ago, she OFFERED to do this.

But you also admit that you have absolutely no other childcare and there’s a huge waiting list.

So she didn’t really have much choice did she?
What would you have done if she didn’t offer/said no?

And of course she’s not going to take any more money off of you when you were made redundant from your job and went from 2 incomes down to 1.

I’m sure your mum loves your DC but there’s a big difference between spending time with her because she wants to/you want her to vs having to do it because you literally have no other alternative.

Just because she’s retired, doesn’t mean she is not busy with doing things that she wants to do.

And on top of that your DH wants her to do it even more!
She must feel very used.

Neither of you should be looking after the baby while working apart from an occasional emergency. You're being paid to work. You need a better plan.

Cancel Grandma and put your DD in nursery

Then show him the bill

Then he'll realise

Come off it, as if this is real….

Also, if waitlists are two years, why not go on them when you are pregnant?

If waiting lists are two years, you need to be on a list regardless. You say Mon-Fri and then when your hours change, you let the nursery know which hours you don’t need.

This is an unmanageable situation. You cannot wfh with a child, you should have childcare organised. I’m not sure your job requires it but what if you were needed in office or the company demand you now come in for a few days a week?
i would agree set days with ur mum and also have nursery days to break up the week.
dh must share the drop off and pick ups 50/50. It’s not fair you are doing all of it

Neither of you should be WFH whilst looking after a child. It's that simple.

Are the 15h you have to man the phone line predictable ie it’s every Monday/Wednesday morning? If so, can your mum come to you during those times?

No you shouldn't ask him to look after the baby while he's working however you shouldn't be looking after the baby either. You can't do both properly at the same time. You need to find full time childcare. This however is not solely your responsibility to organise and you and DH have to make some decisions and plans together.

Don't rush into another child with a man who earns more, thinks childcare is your issue to juggle and insists you pay 50/50.

He's no prize.

You need to be on waitlists regardless surely? Put her down as 5 days on all options then if and when you change days you contact the providers and update your requirements.

If your dh is earning 13k more than you, and you and he are 50/50 on living costs, where does this extra go?

Wow! Just how shit is your staff's productivity for it to not be impacted by looking after small children whilst working!?

So your boss is fine with you claiming FT wage while barely working PT, and looking after your child while you do. Your mum doesn't mind looking after your child. And your gripe is that your husband isn't doing enough to help on his 2 days at home and you're angry he slacks off while you're what, working really hard? I'm sorry but you're coming across as lazy and entitled. Should your partner be watching videos or playing games while working, no but that's a separate issue, one he will have to deal with the consequences of when his management find out he is also a lazy git.

You're seemingly in a really good position to have such a flexible working environment and a parent willing to help out whenever you want, stuff that people would kill for. Maybe count your chickens while they're home to roost because if your manager leaves and a new one comes in they might not be so forgiving by a working clearly taking liberties. Or if your mum got ill and couldn't do childcare anymore you'd be up shit creek as you've apparently not bothered to find suitable childcare despite having time to get on waiting lists etc.

How many childcare waitlists are you currently on op?

As oer my previously ignored question do you and your dh earn the same?

The way I look at it is you cannot expect your DH to look after child during work hours. Your job might be chill but not everyone else's is. It is easy to judge that he has you tube but you can't compare you tube on the other screen with looking after baby.
If your mum is happy to look after your daughter and I trust you when you say she is, then you and your DH need to agree on schedule of driving DD to your mum every day (he drives some days and you do others) and on the days you drive you come back to your house to work. DD will stop screaming if you do it every day - she will get used to car drive. When it comes to your sacrifices I am sorry but you are saying you are the person you are and hence arranging to go there with DD and then spend your lunch breaks on helping your mum. If this is self inflicted then your DH shouldn't pay for your choices. If you are doing that because your mum is struggling then you need to find alternative childcare.

More and more employers are mandating fully (or nearly) back to the office for WFH staff.

Reading threads like this - and not just OP's comments, quite a few other posters too - explains why.

Tell him to take the child out in the car on his own and give him a taste of what you are experiencing for a start.
He is being a bit of a caveman in his interpretation of being a parent - after all, he did play some part in creating the. child didn't he?
Tell him to get his head out of his arsehole, pull his weight and be a dad occasionally.
Long term though you really do need to make provision for childcare; once this baby starts toddling you'll need eyes in the back of your heads and you cannot keep a child safe 100% of the time whilst you are glued to a screen can you?

Unfortunately you can’t look after a young child and work effectively. The only time I’ve done it is when my child has been sick and my work have been completely aware of the situation.

I know it’s tempting to try and reduce the stress on your baby and your mum by minimising time in the car etc, but you might get into hot water if either of you are found to be doing childcare when you’re supposed to be working.

Sorry OP, but I agree with PP: you simply can’t look after a baby AND work from home. You need to put formal childcare in place.

You can’t compare it with having YouTube up on his other screen. He’s in charge of how much attention he pays to his other screen: looking after a baby means being responsive to the baby.

But also, DH is equally responsible for sorting out and paying for these childcare arrangements! OP, maybe you arrange 2/3 days with your mum and tell him his job is to sort the other 2 days??

Yet you seem to be paid full time so 40? Hours a week

But work 15 ish

What do you do the other 25hrs ish

And if manning the phones - my friend does this as a social worker but she knows when she is doing it so books her ds into a flexible cm that she has amazingly managed to find

Your husband is in the wrong for not taking any responsibility for childcare. But he is not in the wrong for not looking after your baby during his work hours. You shouldn’t be doing that either except for very rare occasions (like if your mum was sick and you had to complete a task that day)

You should outline the cost options to him and make clear he will be paying 50/50. And also tell him he will now be taking 50/50 of the drop offs and pick ups. Why does he get to not have his work week impacted? me and my DH used to alternate - he’d drop and I’d pick up.

If you are genuinely worried about your mum doing too much; you need to supplement with some other childcare. I found a childminder great and did 2 days per week. Will you not soon qualify for some funding from baby hitting 10 months anyway? If you are based in England.