To ask dh to help out occasionally when he is wfh

I think it's maybe not so much an issue with helping but the unexpected standing in.
He should be more involved in the overall planning. With time set aside during the day (of his) to help e.g. doing drop off etc if possible .

Well in that case you get a childminder or sort out a nursery. I'm not sure why it's so hard to comprehend. Some of us arent so lucky as to have grandparents to help and have to pay thousands and thousands per year in childcare!

YABU

i don’t agree you should be working and looking after your child.

but if you do that’s your choice, and your risk. Don’t impose it on him.

I agree that it's U to ask him to look after dc whilst he's working. However he should be contributing to the the arranging of childcare and ferrying your dd around so you can BOTH work.

While obviously he shouldn't be watching youtube or playing games for long stretches during his work time, it also doesn't mean that he is available at any time. I am having lunch now, and so mumsnetting. At 10.15-10.30 this morning I pottered around doing washing up, making a coffee and putting some washing on. You could look at me then and think I clearly have spare time when WFH - and at that point I did. But from 11-12 I was presenting in a meeting, and so completely unavailable. Depending on what kind of job you have, being able to take some downtime when things are quiet doesn't mean that you could just take a half hour to look after a baby at any given moment, which appears to be what the OP is asking the DH to do.

I couldn't do my job and look after my child at the same time. Surely anyone who is doing that isn't working at full capacity or the child is being neglected. YABU, to expect this. It wouldn't be unreasonable to tell him that he needs to arrange childcare.

People did it because they were forced to not becuase it was ideal.
People weren't as productive but employers were more understanding as there was no alternative.

It's not great for the kids involved ( and it's potentially dangerous)

It was hell on earth for me personally.

OP's DH is a twat for making childcare completely OP's problem. He just wants OP's mum to have the baby full time and for OP to do all the pick ups and drop offs. He has completed removed himself from this childcare issue and is carrying on as though the baby is nothing to do with him.

I am a “manager” - people doing childcare whilst working are a problem in my mind.
It’s not fair on the child seeing you stare at screens when they don’t understand what you’re doing and it’s not fair on your business work place or colleagues. They ultimately have to make money as efficiently as possible to pay salaries.
i think you and your H should discuss what a reasonable week looks like in terms of how much childcare you need; find professional childcare for your baby or have a frank chat with your mum - is she being polite or does she really relish the time looking after your baby alone? then you should both discuss as a more formal routine sharing taking your baby to the nursery/ mother / childminder. This would be shared based on start times, hours worked etc.
Hope you manage to sort it out.

Your baby should be in child care.

As someone who had to work full time during lockdown with a toddler roaming the house and the absolute total and utter stress/almost a mental breakdown that caused I cannot understand why anyone would choose to put themselves in that position.

Pay for nursery or a childminder for the hours your mum can't do and stop giving those of us that wfh, and work flipping hard, a bad name.

You need to have appropriate childcare for your working hours its not fair on child - employer or relationship

Outside of work your husband should be 50/50 childcare
Inside, neither of you do it

If you're going to 4 days I hope your financial contribution will reflect that?

Does your husband pull his weight in other ways?

I get that people end up having the odd day working from home with little ones. pre-Christmas my boss' daughter was ill. My boss' choice was work with a 4 year old draped over her or don't work at all. We were in a manic phase where we needed all hands on deck so that's fine. But it is not something she would do on a regular basis and her husband had a day of the same when she was properly in work.

But surely you can't just be looking after a pre-schooler all the time while you're meant to be working?

It's fair enough to want to split the load with your husband but the solution to this is effective childcare - not you both trying to do your jobs around looking after a small child.

No. You BOTH should be getting cover. He seems to bear no responsibility for his own child. Why are you doing it all?

I think he could help with driving your daughter to your mums house etc. It shouldn’t all be on you. But you need a proper routine as does your baby. Could you use a childminder who lives nearby to save the driving around in the morning.

I wasn't as productive, but from my manager's perspective it might have been close to it. That's because in order to maintain anything like a reasonable work output while working without childcare I was starting work at 6am and finishing at 11pm, spending all day trying to do both. It was absolutely awful, left me pretty broken and I still feel guilty about basically neglecting DC1 like that. There was also a level of tolerance for, e.g., me doing meetings with him on my lap that absolutely did not (and should not) continue once childcare reopened.

Who told you that they were just as productive. Productivity nose dived during lockdown and has never recovered. This country has a massive productivity people and WFH pisstake just adds to it.

I wfh 100% of the time, my DC is an adult now, but out polos y is very clear,

NO looking after children while working. And to be honest, I wouldn’t be able to. I’m so busy when I’m working that I’m basically chained to my desk. If you work full time then you should have full time childcare arranged and your focus should be 100% on work. I’d have a look at your wfh policy if I were, because pound to a penny you’re in breach of contract

You can't be looking after a young baby and working, neither of you!

Definitely the benefit of WFH is more flexibility. Also, at 10 and 13, I don't feel comfortable to leave them at home all day during school holidays. But I can WFH and they won't bother me. It's just having an adult at home so if anything bad happens, DH or I can deal with it.

Hopefully her DH is willing to pay for full time child care if he feels that the current arrangement isn't working and he won't help at all, even if he has time to watch YouTube and play computer games.

Absolutely this. I’m a manager. I generally get good feedback from the team. If I found out one of my employees was spending half an hour here and there looking after their child in working hours, I’d be insisting they came back into the office full time or looking at disciplinary measures.

A good manager isn’t one who lets you do childcare while being paid to do another role.

Sorry i get things are tough but you are wrong. You or your husband should not be working and trying to look after a baby/toddler. It’s unfair to your child and to your employers who are paying you!. Can you imagine taking a child to the office?? It’s no wonder so many wfh employees are being called back to the office!

I know it’s expensive but this should of been planned for when you were expecting! But like pp you need childcare

Absolutely true - while working from home with an infant / child in an emergency is a wonderful option to be able to have (and I'm grateful for it!) it doesn't benefit anyone to do this on a structured and permanent basis. Children need to be socialising, be outside, be seeing and doing lots of different things - not every second of every day, but certainly some of each day should be spent outside, etc. And it's just not possible to work full-time 'and' parent properly.

I don't think your mum should do more than a couple days a week though - that isn't fair on anyone either.

We all knew who had small
Children to look after during lockdown and it certainly made a bigger load on the rest of us

If you are just as effective with children on hand your boss could lose a few positions easily