To say 50/50 isn't ideal for many children?

Thank you - I’m sorry you had a shit experience.

But putting your children first sometimes means avoiding conflict with the other parent. Some exes, men and women are very difficult. Sharing a flat with them, and the family home one week on and one week off could be a disaster. I know my ex would have made that intolerable for me and it would not have been putting our son first at all.

Like anything, it depends on the people involved.

Some do, some don't.

Unpopular opinion but genuinely don't think people should be moving in with new partners while children are still at home.

Blended families simply don't work.

Our court ordered 50:50 never happened because he just wanted to win, but it would have involved the kids taking their entire life to school on a Friday as he didn't provide anything - clothes, shoes, uniform, weekend clothes, gadgets, books, sports kits, clubs kits. Plus a three hour trip on buses at the age of 11. All to sleep on a sofa for a week.

By teens, they just want to chill in their bedrooms. Not be ferried around when told to.

Not sure how any of that is good for the child.

@Mydogisamassivetwat I don't know. Maybe you'd do it for the happiness and stability of your children. Or do your children not come first? Plus you wouldn't be sharing with them at the same time. You have a schedule.

Ok thanks for that. Sounds like actions rather than the circumstances were the problem. I imagine nesting is a good option at the start..

I doubt many people would want that set up. I know I would want my own space. Not to sleep in the bed my ex was in last week. And you know there would be arguments over cleaning etc, in both houses. it sounds like a recipe for disaster. And what if one of them met someone else?

I agree, I would have hated 50/50 as a child. I only really saw my DF on a Sunday as a child as he was always at work!
I have a very strong bond with both my DP but I was a child of the 70’s there wasn’t as much mental load. As I didn’t go to any clubs and wore my own clothes for school until secondary.

50/50 is crap for children. Kids deserve their own permanent home without the stress of moving around all the time. It would be bad enough doing that as an adult never mind doing it with the angst of growing up too. It’s often the only choice though if both parents want to spend time with children given particular circumstances so I don’t necessarily see a better solution- unless the parents are willing to still spend time together and create that family unit.

Largely because my Dad is not a nice man who used 50/50 primarily as a way of having power over my mother and had 0 interest in actually parenting us. And because I was a very sensitive child who found moving between houses extremely disruptive and difficult.

Google her. She writes lots of tripe about everything, it’s actually quite hard to get to the bottom of as there’s is so much waffle to wade through, but It seems it fell apart when they met new partners and she moved on VERY fast with a new baby.

But who would want to share a flat with the ex, even if you were there at different times? Divorce is hard enough without that added into the mix.

We do 50/50, our daughter calls both houses home, and is happy and thriving! I'm sure if she was only at her dad's 20% if the time, she'd call mine 'home' and his 'dad's house'.

Do many separated couples have the funds to do this though?

@Mydogisamassivetwat but a divorced couple are already running two households. It costs no extra money. In fact it could be cheaper as the second home could be a smaller one bed as the children don't need rooms.

My parents were divorced and set up 50/50 care between them. They’d have said it was going well but I struggled a lot. If someone asked me where my actual home was, I couldn’t answer them. I hated that my clothes and belongings were all split across both houses and I couldn’t have certain things if I was in the other house. I hated having two beds and bedrooms as well.

Eventually in my early teens I decided to be at my mums more for some stability (which broke my dad’s heart and I feel terrible about it to this day). I don’t know if there is truly a good outcome for the kids in divorce when both parents are so loving and involved.

This sounds OK... where can you read what happened next or where it went wrong?
I assume the shared flat would have two bedrooms!

A lot of posters here are talking about the best or ideal way but I think that different things will work best for different families.

As part of my job I used to see a group of children and young people who were struggling with their access arrangements - make no claim that they were a representative sample

But these were the common themes

deeply unhappy
didn't feel listened to
never felt settled
moving from one home to the other was disruptive
personal items/schoolwork and kit would get left at the other home

The biggest and loudest complaint was that 'adults wouldn't want to live like this'

Having a great deal of money can solve some of these problems but not all

Who can afford to keep the family home going and then also their own homes?

As a child of divorced parents
Both remarried and had new children
I hated both my step parents and they hated me
Thank god I had a settled home and only had to visit my dad every other weekend.
I absolutely wouldn't of coped with moving 50/50 between two homes
I feel desperately sorry for any child in that situation
It is clear to me it is about meeting the needs of the parents not the children
If 50/50 was about meeting the childrens needs ,they would stay in the home and the parents would choose to alternate living there ..but ofcourse that doesn't happen, because it's all about the parents rights ..not the childrens needs

I think money. Ita hars enough to do 1 home let alone 2 or 3.

Nesting takes away a lot of the problems that 50/50 poses for the children. Honestly best for kids and can't believe more parents don't do this. Selfishness probably.

I can speak from experience here. I have two girls by different fathers, neither of which I am still with (judge away..) DD1 is 15 and has never spent more than EOW with her dad. DD2 is 10. We used to do 40/60 but in the last couple of years it has been 50/50 at his insistence. I would say 50/50 is very hard on the child. Constant transitioning is disorienting for her, and for me it feels like there’s not enough ‘time’ for me to help her regulate before she’s off again. And when she is with me she is far more demanding than I feel she would be if she was here full time.

Occasionally she might be with me for a 10 day stretch due to holidays or whatever, and I find she’s much more chilled when she’s here for longer periods. Ideally I wouldn’t do 50/50, I’d have her more, but he wants 50/50 and she wants it to be ‘fair’. My older dd is far more settled and less emotionally reactive, but I guess that could just be personality.

This is totally not feasible for most and leaves you very much still in a relationship with an ex you’ve tried to break free from. Sharing two properties together!? Rotating between the two? Having zero privacy or safe space in your own home, your bed also being your Ex partners bed half of the time..?? Absolutely fuck all of that.