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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say 50/50 isn't ideal for many children?

354 replies

cadburyegg · 06/01/2025 11:32

50/50 seems to be thought of as the best way to share children after a split but AIBU to think that this isn't always best for the children involved?

My children are with me approx 80% of the time and they love being "at home". They don't talk about their dads being another home, even though I do. I know they would hate having to move around every week and never having one base, they find it hard enough EOW.

So AIBU? Or if you have 50/50 are the kids happy with it?

OP posts:
Enko · 06/01/2025 11:45

I have Scandinavian friend who have done 50 50 it's far better set up there for the father to be involved and due to this the issue over 50n50.is far less than here.

I know adult children who grew up with 50 50 and they have close loving relationships with both parents and see their parents home as "theirs" so yes YABU.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/01/2025 11:43

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 06/01/2025 11:40

If your kids spent more time with their dad, they would probably see his home as their home too. They're never going to see his house as home if they're rarely there.

Yeah this is exactly it, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy really. If they’re only ever there 20% of the time then no, it will never feel like home because it’s not their home. If they were there half of the time or more, it would start to feel like their home.

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/01/2025 11:42

My kids have 50/50 with their dad, it’s important they have a relations him royal to their relationship with me and that he parents the boring bits like homework and school runs. They aren’t my kids more than they are his. They enjoy spending time with both of us and see both homes as “their” home.

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 06/01/2025 11:40

If your kids spent more time with their dad, they would probably see his home as their home too. They're never going to see his house as home if they're rarely there.

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