Teenage son attempted suicide - need support

Mental health inpatient care is only available for children who are at immediate risk of harm to themselves. In any case this isn't a treatment, it's just a way to stabilise them to the point they aren't about to kill themselves before discharging back home.

I don't know what you mean by 'social services don't care about safeguarding the other two'. What do you think they should be doing? All they can do is explore what safety planning you have in place as their parents. They don't have special resources to safeguard siblings of children with risky behaviour. You are the resource.

The ADHD is absolutely not a red herring. This boy's experience sounds like classic undiagnosed/unsupported ADHD in teenage boys. It's textbook. The mood swings and hyper cycling is also ADHD. Far less likely than bipolar disorder (though obviously that's a possibility)

This is normal! My ADHD DH finds coffee chills him out and can drink buckets all day and evening without it affecting his sleep. It's to do with the part of the ADHD brain that is acted on by stimulants.

Private psychiatrist may well
Help.

They will be able to prescribe a it depressants and or consider if it is bipolar and prescribe effectively.

No there is very little help out there.
We tried Camhns and were on a waiting list for years.

Coffee having a calming effect is classic adhd.

Consider how to protect your other children. You may need to look at having other relatives etc who can take them in an emergency so that they are not exposed to/don't get involved in physical violence.

Consider getting martial arts training for yourself and your husband, not so you can overpower your son but so you have more confidence in dealing with these situations - looking at how to block punches etc.

Is your son not 'eligible' (sorry can't think of the correct wording!) to be an inpatient at a children's mental hospital?

In my area camhs isn't fit for purpose. They are constantly looking for reasons to not pick up cases. My own child had what looked externally like an extreme behavior change that on my own safeguarding training was worthy of a urgent referal to socail care. The only thing that happened was the ht telling me I was a trouble maker and camhs via gp taking 6 months for a urgent MH assessment. My older ds also had a urgent camhs referal that took three months for suicidal thinking and got discharged at triage.

I don't have any answers. I also suspect adhd but my child really needs a short period of medication on anxiety meds to go back to be calm as a normal. It's impossible via camhs as they want to try everything else first while offering nothing. Private as you say takes ages too.

He is the exact same as me at that age I am now 20 and still sometimes feel the same I 100 percent think it's down to adhd mine was it's called impulsive decision making so you feel a certain way and the adhd clicks and without thinking of anything you do it so example you feel upset within them 1-5 mins you think I don't wanna live like this and impulsively take the first thing you see or have around you to try stop the feeling then the regret kicks in i highly believe he should be on adhd medication and melatonin at night to help sleep and ease the taughts I had many of these episodes until I was put on this hope it helps in some way (also never opened up and never wanted to it made me worse so if he doesn't like opening up just let him know ur there for him but don't make him say anything he doesn't want to)

I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through. We have had similar issues in the past, though our children are adopted so it's easier to understand where it has come from. Our eldest was like this around 14 to 15 - I think with her it was all about the fact she had huge difficulties with peer relationships and coping (not coping, her behaviour was a constant issue) with the demands of school. She did get an ADHD diagnosis but I don't think that explains her fully. She made a series of suicidal threats at school, did things like put ligatures around her neck or sit in the road, though she never actually harmed herself beyond a few cutting episodes. She also ran away, always it would be after school, so she wouldn't come home nor answer texts or calls. We often called the police. They'd ask about who she could be with but at that time she only had one friend whose home address she didn't know, so we knew there was no one. She was unable to really express her feelings verbally and we did our best to be accepting, loving and kind when she was home. Strangely, other than being rude or abrupt, she never really had an obvious problem with us. I think it was just general unhappiness. She had CAMHS from age 6 but couldn't really engage - I found it more helpful as support for me. Only when she was around 16 / 17 did she suddenly want to talk to the therapist (actually a psychiatrist) by herself. I can't offer advice in particular, only to say that from 17 things gradually improved and she's now mid 20s, living at home, has a job and manages friendships.

We have also had mental health issues with our youngest, who went to CAMHS from around 13 but is much more able to express her feelings. Lots of self harm crises and she was given lots of support - at one time she ridiculously had 4 separate professionals working with her. She also demanded medication and was given antidepressants at 16. She's over 18 now and things have calmed down a lot but anxiety has always been an issue for her. She now engages fairly well with adult services who have been surprisingly good so far - took a more holistic approach and have helped dd understand herself better. Maybe we just live in a well-serviced area.

I know that adoptive children tend to get more support - or did, don't know about now, so we were lucky in a sense. But really it was us as parents that held it all together somehow (luckily eldest had settled when youngest took off so we only had one set of crises at a time!)

Both dds have been kept overnight in hospital - eldest once because she was caught trying to climb the fence of a bridge, but let go the next day. The youngest twice - once as she refused to come home with us from hospital and once because she had to wait to see CAMHS in the morning to be assessed. We've certainly never had inpatient offers.

So much sympathy, I know how draining, worrying and difficult it is. Outcomes can never be known but we've made it though so far. Hoping you find a way through. All the best.

I'm so sorry things are so tough- mental health services are dire at present and so many people are not getting the support they need (I say this as someone who works for mh services)

I agree with PO that the ADHD sounds like a red herring. Can you afford a private psychiatric assessment? You shouldn't have to pay but it's so shit right now.

I really hope he turns a corner soon.

Remember to think about everyone else's safety too. There might come a point where he has to stop being your priority.

I know camhs can be useless, but the difficulty with therapeutic support and counselling, is that the young person has to know and accept that they need help and want to actively engage with it. It's not a passive process. Often camhs psychiatrists will prescribe antidepressants and part of the reason for this is to help the young person to better access therapy.
As I said, it's not a passive process. Even when a child is sectioned, they're encouraged to engage fully in therapy.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I suspect medication and inpatient intervention will be needed here. Does he want to get better, understand how bad things are? Does he want therapy?

Papyrus are brilliant. Really recommend giving them a call, even if your DS won't engage, they will speak to you.
My DD told us a week before Christmas 22 that she had a plan, and only because a friend had realised and talked to her all night, then forced her to tell us, did she not go through with it.
I spoke to Papyrus and they helped me no end to rationalise and make sense of what was happening (DD was diagnosed ASD 3 weeks later). GP referred her to CAMHS but told her there was no support and she (GP) would be support. CAMHS triaged her and said they would be in touch...the call came 10 months later 🙄
How old is he? Our GP prescribed anti depressants - she was just turned 17 at the time and the GP said she absolutely could prescribe as noone else would....
Good luck, it's a really, really horrible situation. You sound to have been an absolute rock for him and I know just how helpless you feel.
We DID come out of the other side, and I pray you do too.

I don’t have advice, I just wanted to wish you all the best with it because it all sounds unbelievably difficult and stressful. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things as parents but not getting enough support.

I hope you can find some help for your son and that things get better.

I worry that the possible ADHD element is muddying the waters here. From what you describe it sounds like there is another factor at play - I would really be wondering about rapid cycling Bipolar. Is there any capacity for a private psychiatry appointment?

I’m so, so sorry. 💐☹️❤️

Hello OP. Firstly you sound like the most amazing parents. He’s so lucky to have you. My daughter is 8 and has ADHD so I know what it’s like having an ND child although mine is still little. She still has bursts of anger and talks about harming herself and I know I’ll have to be v careful about her acting impulsively as she heads towards her teens. As the previous poster says if it was me I think I’d pull him out if school completely and focus solely on keeping him alive for as long as is necessary. Much of his behaviour sounds impulsive (and low levels of self control) and like he’s in a cycle he can’t break. Have you looked at Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria? You might look into Pathological Demand Avoidance too. The two things might be contributing to his behaviours.

I know this is possibly really unrealistic and might sound bonkers but if you have the means can one of you take him away from home and spend some time somewhere in nature, far away from devices and friends while he’s waiting for his next assessment? If possible for a few days? I’m in Australia and my DD is out of control I drive her into the forest or to the beach and make her take her shoes off and just stand still for a bit. The grounding effect is phenomenal and I see her whole body just release all the anger. She can play on her own for about 15 mins at home, or for hours at the beach. It also gives us chance to talk and reconnect. As an ND person myself I find the world just throws stuff at us nonstop and mixed with hormones and media and noisy, busy environments, plus finding people pretty confusing and worrying constantly about whether we’re getting it right our brains just overload. When he’s alone with just some trees or the sea and mum or dad and nobody is watching to see if he’s saying something cool, or funny etc he might just allow his brain to rest for a moment. Wishing you all the very best x

How awful for you, I have personal and professional experience of what you’re going though.

Professionally, I see people in extreme MH distress turned away from ED daily, told to wait for community follow up, that they’re not ill enough, the threshold for intervention is so high its scary. Lots of people don’t make the wait. I don’t know what to suggest other than keep shouting to all the relevant authorities you can, use words like accountability and safeguarding, especially how they will keep your other children safe from your son given his threats. You’re doing all the right things but I know you’ll feel like it’s still not enough.

Personally, I have a loved one who had undiagnosed ADHD for years and it nearly cost him his life. Do you suspect drug use? Unmedicated suffers often turn to this as it hits their receptors in their brains that all haywire because of the condition (our adhd nurse explained it much better than I can!). If you pursue a private diagnosis you will have to fund treatment privately until he gets seen on the nhs, and even then they may refuse to accept your private assement and make you go through it all again. Luckily in our case, the nhs saw how severely affected he was and agreed to immediately treat. It’s been a long hard road and I hope things move quickly for you.

So sorry @fatandhappyxxx