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AIBU?

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Original poster

That moment you realise you really do hate them

185 replies

Thetimeisno · 05/01/2025 22:32

DM is having life saving operation followed by ongoing treatment starting next week. Had a family gathering today as she was too ill over Xmas. DH knew at Xmas it was going to either be today or yesterday based on greater availability. States he didn't know it was definitely happening so booked to play golf and go for drinks afterwards.

Asks me yesterday do I want him to come. I say yes but what about golf. He says he can get out of it. I ask later is he coming and he says no he really should play golf 🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡

Also said I may need to make trips back home a day a week to help out DM and his response is 'well it depends what day it is' - we have 2 primary school age children.

He barely works, just lazes around the house doing nothing. Will save you the expletives but he's such a lazy........

Think this really is it. I couldn't despise him more.

OP posts:
mommatoone · 06/01/2025 08:47

OP, he sounds useless and a complete lazy arse. I wouldn't worry to much about him being awkward. He probably will take it as a gren light to spend more time doing what HE wants to do. Selfish. Put you and your children first. Hope your mum is okx

poemsandwine · 06/01/2025 08:44

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:47

Partially as he refuses to pay for anything above half the bills e.g. holidays, presents, school trips , other unforseen costs.

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He's a monumental arsehole. Please let this be your wakeup call.

LBFseBrom · 06/01/2025 08:40

toomuchfaff · 05/01/2025 22:34

Life's to short to spend it with a dick.

If you hate him (and good reason), then get out of it and breathe free.

That.

You can only take so much. If he doesn't step up, get rid.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/01/2025 08:39

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 08:03

How did he take it and is it working with him? He's so difficult now I think he's going to be so much worse when/if we do split.

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So what? He doesn't care about you or his kids, why are you worrying about him?

Annabella92 · 06/01/2025 08:32

What attracted you to him? What were his good points? I dont ask because I'm suggesting you should focus on those and save the marriage, I'm just curious because it sounds like you have such a raw deal here, there must have been something positive.

I hope it goes well with your Mum. Let her be your priority. It is absolutely your partners job to provide loving and practical support during a difficult time, but if he won't - then what is he for?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 06/01/2025 08:24

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:49

Well he has a full time job so gets a full time wage! Just works maybe 2-3 hours a day. Below average wage so not like he's a top earner.

I earn more but obviously would be tough paying for everything as a single mum. Can't see him becoming any more willing to pay for stuff for the kids if we split 😂🤣🤬

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No but he'd either be having them 50% or need to pay maintenance. Either you get more time or more maintenance, won't solve all your problems but it's something and it's better than living with the anger and the hate eating away at you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this when your mum is sick he really is an arsehole doing that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/01/2025 08:24

Partially as he refuses to pay for anything above half the bills e.g. holidays, presents, school trips , other unforseen costs.

What is the point of men like this? From an evolutionary perspective why the fuck have they not yet become extinct?

I am sorry about your mum OP. It’s very clear that you know what you need to do. I would get through the next few weeks first. Good luck.

Australianhere · 06/01/2025 08:16

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 08:03

How did he take it and is it working with him? He's so difficult now I think he's going to be so much worse when/if we do split.

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He sucks already OP so you might as well get it over with. I’m so sorry you’re going through this when your mum is unwell too. But he’s not bringing anything to the party so no great loss once he’s gone. Best of luck x

Pussycat22 · 06/01/2025 08:09

My God, another cocklodger. Yes if you break up it will be hard but the alternative is you becoming even more resentful. I used to feel sick at the sight of my ex husband but I got through it. Somehow you just do. 🙏❤️

Bornnotbourne · 06/01/2025 08:06

In a similar position my dad is having surgery this week and DP is being horrible as per usual. He can’t stand the world not revolving round him and resents a little sick old man being given a crumb of attention. They’re pathetic cowards the pair of them!

thepariscrimefiles · 06/01/2025 08:06

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:49

Well he has a full time job so gets a full time wage! Just works maybe 2-3 hours a day. Below average wage so not like he's a top earner.

I earn more but obviously would be tough paying for everything as a single mum. Can't see him becoming any more willing to pay for stuff for the kids if we split 😂🤣🤬

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He sounds as shit an employee as he does a husband. How on earth does he get away with working 2-3 hours a day in a full-time job?

Original poster
Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 08:03

Autumndayz77 · 06/01/2025 07:56

Mine was really more of an awakening to what a selfish and just not very nice person he was. And that he wouldn’t change and I basically would continue living a life where I was constantly unfulfilled, sad and disappointed. I got rid two days later and that was 9 years ago.

Yes you have less money (worth it) But My bills reduced considerably (water, electricity), I cancelled sky and my food bill pretty much halved.

How did he take it and is it working with him? He's so difficult now I think he's going to be so much worse when/if we do split.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 08:02

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 06/01/2025 07:55

He refuses to pay for HIS children's holidays, trips, gifts etc.??

Have you asked him to and he's just said no?

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He either says they're too expensive so not to buy/pay for what ever it is. Sometimes he says he'll give me half but never does. Says I spend too much and have bought too much etc. Lots of excuses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 08:00

jeaux90 · 06/01/2025 07:54

You can't unsee it once you do.

I honestly think my life is somewhat easier than a lot of women. I'm a lone parent, way more peaceful than having a horrid manchild in my life.

I'm just dreading the break up though and how difficult he is going to be re the children. Wish he didn't have to be in my life but he has to be cos of them.

OP posts:
HamAndMustardSandwich · 06/01/2025 07:57

Apparently it’s ’Divorce Monday’ today. Strike whilst the iron’s hot.

Autumndayz77 · 06/01/2025 07:56

Mine was really more of an awakening to what a selfish and just not very nice person he was. And that he wouldn’t change and I basically would continue living a life where I was constantly unfulfilled, sad and disappointed. I got rid two days later and that was 9 years ago.

Yes you have less money (worth it) But My bills reduced considerably (water, electricity), I cancelled sky and my food bill pretty much halved.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 06/01/2025 07:55

Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:47

Partially as he refuses to pay for anything above half the bills e.g. holidays, presents, school trips , other unforseen costs.

Show quote history

He refuses to pay for HIS children's holidays, trips, gifts etc.??

Have you asked him to and he's just said no?

jeaux90 · 06/01/2025 07:54

You can't unsee it once you do.

I honestly think my life is somewhat easier than a lot of women. I'm a lone parent, way more peaceful than having a horrid manchild in my life.

Original poster
Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:49

AluckyEllie · 05/01/2025 23:27

If he barely works how does he pay for his golf? Would you actually be worse off financially without him?

Well he has a full time job so gets a full time wage! Just works maybe 2-3 hours a day. Below average wage so not like he's a top earner.

I earn more but obviously would be tough paying for everything as a single mum. Can't see him becoming any more willing to pay for stuff for the kids if we split 😂🤣🤬

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 06/01/2025 07:49

What does he bring to the table other than grief then? And why do you put up with him?

Original poster
Thetimeisno · 06/01/2025 07:47

OurDreamLife · 05/01/2025 23:26

Are you funding him?

Partially as he refuses to pay for anything above half the bills e.g. holidays, presents, school trips , other unforseen costs.

OP posts:
AluckyEllie · 05/01/2025 23:27

If he barely works how does he pay for his golf? Would you actually be worse off financially without him?

OurDreamLife · 05/01/2025 23:26

Are you funding him?

Flidina · 05/01/2025 23:22

If he's that unreliable, and can't step up when needed, he's not worth having around. I'd cut him loose and good riddance.Hope your Mum's ok and you have other support from family and friends.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/01/2025 23:16

toomuchfaff · 05/01/2025 22:34

Life's to short to spend it with a dick.

If you hate him (and good reason), then get out of it and breathe free.

As is so often the case on here, first post nails it.