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AIBU?

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AIBU to be annoyed by this comment from my MIL-to-be?

79 replies

Bixy14 · 05/01/2025 22:01

My OH and I got engaged in November and have now set a date for the wedding very soon. For context we’ve been together over 10 years and see both sets of our parents at least once/twice a month so feel we know each others families well.

Anyway at Christmas we spent the evening with his parents, older sister and sisters partner and MIL gave us gifts which included a bag of goodies/sweets. I started digging in (in appreciation!) and she snatched them off me and said ‘oops I forgot you’ll be a bride now!’

I was a bit in shock and didn’t really know what to say so I just laughed and OH’s sister said ‘Erm she can eat what she likes!’

I’m not an overweight person (not that I think this would be acceptable if I was!) and I’m sure she meant it as a joke, but I keep reliving the comment in my mind and getting really annoyed about it! I go between ‘what a strange thing to say’ and ‘how dare she!!?’

I’m very anti-diet culture and think as long as you are happy and comfortable no one should care what anyone’s bodies look like. I don’t plan on doing any crazy dieting or trying to change myself before the wedding as I just don’t believe it’s necessary, I am who I am and I look like what I look like! I would hate this kind of messaging to be passed down to any future children I may have.

I must know, AIBU to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:
ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:55

Timeforaglassofwine · 05/01/2025 22:52

My dm and dmil (both 70s) have this weird guilt thing about food, weight and diets. The theory is that its passed down from their mother's, who were raised during WW2 rationing - the men get the big / best portions, that sort of thing. It's ridiculous, insulting and infuriating to younger women, but I find it best to inwardly roll my eyes and ignore when they start.

OP hasn't said anything which remotely suggests this is the case with her partner's family. My OH and DH always get larger portions than me, mainly because they have larger appetites.

Timeforaglassofwine · 05/01/2025 22:52

My dm and dmil (both 70s) have this weird guilt thing about food, weight and diets. The theory is that its passed down from their mother's, who were raised during WW2 rationing - the men get the big / best portions, that sort of thing. It's ridiculous, insulting and infuriating to younger women, but I find it best to inwardly roll my eyes and ignore when they start.

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:52

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:45

Why did mil assume op was though

....because many people do.
Areyou deliberately not reading previous replies?

Bixy14 · 05/01/2025 22:51

Elizo · 05/01/2025 22:40

I agree. The SIL covered it, leave it unless she says it again.

Thank you I think this is good advice and glad SIL had my back here

OP posts:
Bixy14 · 05/01/2025 22:49

FadedRed · 05/01/2025 22:15

Congratulations on your engagement!
You might find this useful during the wedding preparations:

Hahaha brilliant 🤣

OP posts:
VegTrug · 05/01/2025 22:48

I would never speak to her again. Ever! I don't care if she's going to be my MIL or not. Shit like that triggers eating disorders. Nasty bitch!

Endofyear · 05/01/2025 22:48

It was probably meant as a joke - it's not something I would get annoyed or upset about.

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:45

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:42

Many still do it now. It's personal choice.

Why did mil assume op was though

BreakfastatTiffannys · 05/01/2025 22:43

I haven't read the whole thread, but from what you've shared with us, it does sound like a generational kind of thing. But it's embarrassing anyway, so I'd make my non-diet beliefs 1000% known to her. Kindly, but firmly.

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:42

Maddy70 · 05/01/2025 22:38

I wouldn't give it a second thought. People a generation or two above always dieted pre wedding.

Many still do it now. It's personal choice.

Elizo · 05/01/2025 22:40

Offtothepanto · 05/01/2025 22:13

OH’s sister responded and dealt with her mother who I doubt will make such a comment again.

I agree. The SIL covered it, leave it unless she says it again.

Maddy70 · 05/01/2025 22:38

I wouldn't give it a second thought. People a generation or two above always dieted pre wedding.

BingoBluey12 · 05/01/2025 22:30

Very weird thing to do, my MIL would never! I'd be inclined to think it says more about her than you though - maybe she felt pressure to be a certain size/diet for her wedding?

Hopefully she won't comment again but I would just let her know (politely!) it's not something you're concerned about if she does.

SkaneTos · 05/01/2025 22:29

Good that your sister-in-law stood up for you!

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 22:29

I hate how some women police other women's food intake. I doubt the OP's mum would have said anything to her son if he had started eating the sweets.

Onlyonekenobe · 05/01/2025 22:27

Tbh I’d have the same reaction to anyone telling me what to eat/not eat. For it to be my future MIL is just grist to the mill really. It’s everything wrong with the DIL-MIL relationship encapsulated in one drawing room montage!

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:21

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:19

It's a pointless comment then saying tbh a lot of brides do - what was the point of saying that. It's not an excuse for MIL2B to be so rude

If my comment is pointless then so is yours.
Some brides do diet, it's relevant.

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:19

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:18

And? Did I say 'ALL' brides diet?

It's a pointless comment then saying tbh a lot of brides do - what was the point of saying that. It's not an excuse for MIL2B to be so rude

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:18

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 05/01/2025 22:11

I think some older gen are just like this re diets and in fairness also a lot of women in their 20s and 30s i know DO / DID diet for their weddings.

Unless she keeeeeeps going on about it and making digs it's not a hill I'd die on .

that's not really "in fairness" just because some people do doesn't mean it's right to assume everyone will

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:18

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:17

And? Not all brides diet

And? Did I say 'ALL' brides diet?

sushibelt · 05/01/2025 22:17

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:16

You starting eating the sweets straight after being gifted them, in front of everyone? Isn't it normal/more polite to take sweet gifts home with you to eat?

TBH a lot of brides do diet/get in shape.

And? Not all brides diet

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:16

You starting eating the sweets straight after being gifted them, in front of everyone? Isn't it normal/more polite to take sweet gifts home with you to eat?

TBH a lot of brides do diet/get in shape.

FadedRed · 05/01/2025 22:15

Congratulations on your engagement!
You might find this useful during the wedding preparations:

AIBU to be annoyed by this comment from my MIL-to-be?
Offtothepanto · 05/01/2025 22:13

OH’s sister responded and dealt with her mother who I doubt will make such a comment again.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 05/01/2025 22:11

I think some older gen are just like this re diets and in fairness also a lot of women in their 20s and 30s i know DO / DID diet for their weddings.

Unless she keeeeeeps going on about it and making digs it's not a hill I'd die on .