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Original poster

To know how much to tell my daughters

167 replies

Happyface246 · 05/01/2025 20:08

Dd1 has gone to uni and has her first boyfriend. I think I need to have a chat with her to see if she is using contraception. My husband says that I should let her know that I got pregnant at 22 (it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks) so that she can see that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone which I’m pretty sure she is already aware off! My mum and I didn’t have a close relationship and didn’t really talk about these kinds of things. I’m going to have ‘the talk’ with her but unsure as to how much I include. Any advice welcome x

OP posts:
BodyKeepingScore · 05/01/2025 20:44

Goodness this is definitely a conversation that should have taken place in early teens.

By 22 your DD has likely been sexually active for a number of years. Hopefully she's been aware of other resources for contraceptive support and sexual health advice

hazelnutvanillalatte · 05/01/2025 20:44

You don't need to tell her about your own experience if you don't want to. Makes no odds to her knowing the risks of unprotected sex which I'm sure she already does. You can tell her she can always come to you if she has any kind of issue and you won't judge, but again you don't need to talk about yourself if you don't want to. My mum never shared anything like that with me and it never occurred to me that she would or should have.

DottieMoon · 05/01/2025 20:44

I’m sure she will know all she needs to know at her age and does not require a ‘talk’. It’s lot different today.

Waterboatlass · 05/01/2025 20:43

No, you don't need to start talking about your experience of miscarriage.

Your husband can stay out of it. It's not his information to be pushing you to share as a cautionary tale.

MrsPerfect12 · 05/01/2025 20:43

That was a conversation at 14/15.

Yellowpingu · 05/01/2025 20:43

Having the chat now seems little too late for DD1 but it’s definitely time to have the chat with any younger DDs. With regards to your early pregnancy and miscarriage, it’s up to you whether or not you want to share this information. Remember that contraception isn’t just about protecting against pregnancy, it should also be to prevent STIs.

Marblediamond · 05/01/2025 20:42

I think it doesn’t hurt mentioning again? Like do you need me to help you start researching into what contraception could be best and having responsible sexual life; etc and how an unplanned pregnancy could be a problem. But I would not being your own experiences.

MummyJ36 · 05/01/2025 20:42

I think that ship may have sailed OP. She is an adult now and can make her own decisions, including those relating to contraception. This will likely really embarrass her!

BlueMum16 · 05/01/2025 20:40

My DC went to uni in Sept. I sent a box of condoms.

No conversation but making it as simple as possible for them to make good choices.

The contraception chat happened years ago.

Echobelly · 05/01/2025 20:40

She's old enough to hear it but I don't think she actually has to in order to have a serious conversation about it unless you think she is likely to be careless about it without intervention.

Icanttakethisanymore · 05/01/2025 20:39

Quick OP, shut the stable door, the horse has bolted!

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 05/01/2025 20:39

Octavia64 · 05/01/2025 20:11

You are about 6 years too late.

This.

It’s odd you’re only thinking about this now tbh

2025willbemytime · 05/01/2025 20:38

Gosh.

Bit late and also a very weird take from your husband.

hamsandyams · 05/01/2025 20:36

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 05/01/2025 20:13

At her age I think it highly unlikely that she would want to know about your own situation and subsequent miscarriage OP. I also think that if she wants birth control advice then she'll ask. I'd just have a chat in general and maybe in a jokey way say something like 'now, we don't have to have THE chat about keeping your legs shut, do we love?' She'll likely laugh her head off, and say 'No Mum, I know what's what and have since I was 12'. At least, that's what my daughter would have said, but if yours has had a very sheltered life, then maybe just ask if she needs any advice about birth control, and see what she says.

The problem with this is you don’t know what you don’t know. Your daughter might say she already knows it all, but what if she doesn’t. You should have the chat with your teens in their early teens even if they think they know more than you do, just so you can be sure they’ve definitely had the right messaging.

lightsandtunnels · 05/01/2025 20:34

I agree with PPs that are saying you're a bit late in the day for this.

Young women today are way more clued up on sex and relationships that I remember being. There is so much information that is really accessible now. She's at uni so is now an adult so I'd trust her to know how to keep herself safe with a new bf. Keep lines of communication open of course.

Pamosonic · 05/01/2025 20:21

Just buy her a packet of condom's and just give her a wink. No need for an awkward spoon fed conversation at her age I don't think.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 05/01/2025 20:21

That’s your history and your story to tell if you want to. You shouldn’t be under pressure from anyone else. Children generally don’t listen to their parents’ cautionary tales, anyway.

Ponderingwindow · 05/01/2025 20:19

Um, I talk to my teenager about contraception constantly and she isn’t remotely interested in starting a relationship. She knows all the options, how I feel about physical and more importantly emotional readiness, and the importance of having a plan even if she isn’t planning on having sex.

There are condoms and the morning after pill in my medicine cabinet just in case. I put them there when she got her period and I make sure they are never expired. I also make sure she has time at least once a year with her GP without me in the room to ask any questions she wants to ask just in case she wants to ask about birth control without me present.

get talking NOW

PromoJoJo · 05/01/2025 20:18

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

BusyCaz · 05/01/2025 20:18

I'm assuming this wouldn't be the first conversation regarding contraception??

KrisAkabusi · 05/01/2025 20:18

Are you suggesting you've never had 'the talk' with her before now? This can't be real. You should have done this about 8 years ago.

Monstermashermashedthemonster · 05/01/2025 20:16

I think it's a bit late to be having this conversation with your dd.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/01/2025 20:15

If she's at uni then she's at least 18...why have you not already had the safe sex conversation???

FoxInTheForest · 05/01/2025 20:14

Just ask in passing if the contraception she's on is agreeing with her, with a chat about your experience with different types.

MaggieBsBoat · 05/01/2025 20:14

That. Ship. Has. Sailed.
Not sure why you are thinking of this now. She’s an adult and having sex. If she doesn’t realise that sex can end in pregnancy- it’s not just you and her schools that have failed her, it’s her own common sense. And I say that as someone who had their first at 21.

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