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Original poster

To know how much to tell my daughters

167 replies

Happyface246 · 05/01/2025 20:08

Dd1 has gone to uni and has her first boyfriend. I think I need to have a chat with her to see if she is using contraception. My husband says that I should let her know that I got pregnant at 22 (it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks) so that she can see that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone which I’m pretty sure she is already aware off! My mum and I didn’t have a close relationship and didn’t really talk about these kinds of things. I’m going to have ‘the talk’ with her but unsure as to how much I include. Any advice welcome x

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/01/2025 21:00

CautiousLurker01 · 05/01/2025 20:59

I don’t think you need to say anything more than “lovely to hear you have a BF. Am sure you are both being careful, but you know where I am if you need anything. Love you”

This is a nice idea

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/01/2025 21:00

Yep agree you should have spoken to her about contraception years ago!! 🤣

Re the miscarriage, my mum told me fairly young that I would have had an older sibling, not in a ‘use contraception’ way, more in a family history kind of way. I don’t see any reason not to talk about this once they are late teens and not likely to get upset by it.

CautiousLurker01 · 05/01/2025 20:59

I don’t think you need to say anything more than “lovely to hear you have a BF. Am sure you are both being careful, but you know where I am if you need anything. Love you”

Truthlikeness · 05/01/2025 20:59

Agree with the others about the timing, but if it's any consolation she will be extremely well informed already. My parents never spoke to me about contraception and I learned everything I needed from school, university and friends and this was over thirty years ago - pre the internet.

Agapornis · 05/01/2025 20:58

At 18 (? - first year of uni?) she's probably not as innocent as you think 😁

You could offer to pay for any contraception, morning after pill, or abortion she might need.

PinkyFlamingo · 05/01/2025 20:58

Good god she's an adult! Are you being serious, you've never talked to her about contraception before??

DaisyChain505 · 05/01/2025 20:57

You’re about 6 years too late for this conversation!

she’s a grown woman now and it’s a shame you didn’t feel you could talk to her during her teenage years about sex relationships and contraception.

daisydaughter · 05/01/2025 20:57

I think people are being a bit mean here OP.
If it helps, my mum never had a chat with me about sex or contraception either. We have a great relationship and can talk about pretty much anything else but we just never talked about sex at all, ever. Just because you never had a ‘talk’ with her, doesn’t make you a bad mum or mean your relationship isn’t close.

I do agree with others though that you don’t need to talk to her about it now, she will already know. The most you might do is to let her know that you’re there to help her if she’s like to talk about contraception or need any funding towards it.

StopStartStop · 05/01/2025 20:56

OP, you've left it far too late!

Ghostin · 05/01/2025 20:55

You should have had the talk long before now! The best time was about a decade ago, the second best time is now (although most likely the ship has long since sailed and she has learned it all from her peers and the internet already.

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 05/01/2025 20:54

I agree with everyone else. This is a conversation you should have had years ago!! No need to have any conversations with her at the age she is now. Believe me, she already knows!! If you want to share your own experience with her then that is fine. If you think she will benefit from knowing it. But otherwise u you are several years late to the party.

Cakeandusername · 05/01/2025 20:53

My dd is 18 at uni and we are close. She’d know that type of info. I did have another chat before she headed off to uni and she went to Brook Advisory for contraception, they specialise in younger people.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/01/2025 20:53

I don’t think you need to be having any kind of chat or that nature OP, it’s fine

Zanatdy · 05/01/2025 20:51

You’re probably 5yrs too late, but when my DS got his 1st GF age 18 at uni I just said you’re a bit old for a lecture from me about contraception and safe sex.

ThejoyofNC · 05/01/2025 20:50

Why on earth do you think your 22 year old would want to discuss her sex life with you?

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 05/01/2025 20:50

Ponderingwindow · 05/01/2025 20:19

Um, I talk to my teenager about contraception constantly and she isn’t remotely interested in starting a relationship. She knows all the options, how I feel about physical and more importantly emotional readiness, and the importance of having a plan even if she isn’t planning on having sex.

There are condoms and the morning after pill in my medicine cabinet just in case. I put them there when she got her period and I make sure they are never expired. I also make sure she has time at least once a year with her GP without me in the room to ask any questions she wants to ask just in case she wants to ask about birth control without me present.

get talking NOW

You sound like an amazing mum for a teenage girl.

Dotto · 05/01/2025 20:50

Bit late to have the birds and bees chat now OP! I'm sure she knows how babies are made.

Pinkissmart · 05/01/2025 20:50

If you want to have a useful conversation with her, talk to her about the unrealistic expectations porn consumption puts on both men and women.
Choking / fisting / anal etc

Itsallgonesideways · 05/01/2025 20:50

It might be late but it's not too late to remind her about keeping safe whilst at university. I'd build it into a general safety conversation about drinks & spiking, keeping safe on nights out, alcohol safety & consent.

My friend's dd had her drink spiked during a night out whilst at university & sexually assaulted. So it's not too late to have a conversation about general safety & awareness in a new city & contraception can be mentioned as well.

Theimpossiblegirl · 05/01/2025 20:50

Hopefully she already knows about contraception. You have left it very late to have this conversation. I also wouldn't be telling her about your pregnancy and miscarriage, she doesn't need to know.

If there is good reason to believe she doesn't know about sex and contraception you need to talk to her asap. But you're probably too late.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/01/2025 20:48

now, we don't have to have THE chat about keeping your legs shut, do we love

Wtf is this advice

Marblediamond · 05/01/2025 20:48

She didn’t say her daughter is 22, did she? She said she has just gone to university; I think it doesn’t hurt having an informal conversation with her OP.

Like have you started thinking if contraception and sending her link to different options.

mnahmnah · 05/01/2025 20:46

I hope she went to a school with good sex ed!

Auldlang · 05/01/2025 20:46

It's not up to your DH what you tell your daughter about your past. He's being weird.

SpringIscomingalso · 05/01/2025 20:45

She might quite fairly so , even planning a pregnancy

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