To know how much to tell my daughters

I don’t imagine she needs a talk about contraception at 22. She will have worked it out by now.

completely disagree with most PP! Yes, ideally the chat would have been earlier but that doesn't mean it's no use now, given the daughter has only just got her first boyfriend. Not everyone DTD before 18!

OP I would have a casual chat with her and let her know that there are a number of options available, including the pill, coil, etc. pros and cons of each. Let her know she can talk to you at any time. Entirely up to you whether you share your personal information - I would only do so if she seems dismissive of the idea of being safe in general.

Good luck!

The main thing to check is how she accesses healthcare for which you don’t need a formal contraception talk.My DC there has always been a lot of confusion as to whether they are our home GP or the uni one or one in an area they rent in. Contraception is usually v easy to access though. I also made sure my DD knew about free emergency contraception but also that she had enough money in her account that if she suddenly got panicked and tried to buy it she could. Unis are v up on making sure the students know but also if they do not sign up for the uni GPs at the start of the course they sometimes forget to.
and don’t tell her about MC when I was 20 I was in hospital with my DM who was having a MC at 44. It was horrible and I didn’t need to or want to know

She probably knows more than you....

Gosh, mine are just almost teenagers and we've had the talk about contraception! 22 I would hope she knows herself by now!

FWIW, this talk would've been wasted on me (or any of my friend group) at 15 / 16 and would've been welcomed at the start of college. Opening up lines of communication is important at any age!

With respect, you're way too late for the talk, the talk should come pre 16. She's an adult now.

Patronising AF

I think your a day and a dollar behind. It should of been at 15...

I think this talk should have been about 5 years ago! Very strange that you think she’ll need it now.

Before DD went to uni last year, I suggested that it might be a good idea for her to speak to her doctor about contraception-she’d had boyfriends, but hadn’t been serious with anyone yet. I believe she did talk to the doctor and she went on the Pill at some point.

Of course your DD will have heard about the various options, but I don’t think there’s any harm in reminding her that it’s so easy to get pregnant at their age so it’s best to get it sorted out. Then step back and let her deal with it.

She's an adult. It is no longer your job to lecture her about anything. She will know everything she needs to know - you should have spoken to her about this years and years ago.

She will have had plenty of talks in school and colleges are always promoting about safe sex, but I still think it'd be nice to have the conversation and open up the lines for her to talk to you about this! There's no need to tell her about your miscarriage at 22 though. I think some day you could tell her, but not in a conversation about contraception.

They have the talk in school and cover contraception, STDs etc.

I would have the chat about not getting pregnant by accident regardless.

There should be a doctors surgery associated with the uni and ensuring she is signed up regardless of any chat would be sensible.

A solid 6-8 years too late for “the talk” I’m afraid. The internet and her peers have raised her and schooled her already. Make sure she’s registered with a GP.

I always see online proud mums saying they’re an open family, always spoken to their children about sex, contraception, no subject off the table etc.
In reality, none of my friends had a sex talk from our parents apart from one who said it was excoriating and not helpful at all.
I went to university and got my first boyfriend at 18, my mum had a little chat with me to make sure I was signed up to the uni GP and if not did I need to go home to get the pill etc. I was sensible so didn’t need it but appreciated it, in my case the OP having a chat with her daughter would be a nice idea.

To every mum who is so much better than the OP telling her off and saying this should have happened years ago, how is that helpful at all?

A typical uni student would probably know more than you about contraception! What you need to emphasise is that she can come to you about absolutely anything, and you will listen and not judge but support and help if needed. This goes for sons too. I have 2 of each all been uni and all had various issues at one time or another some more serious than others. I know 100% they still know I am here for them, as a single parent it has been awkward for me discussing son problems but I have always just been matter of fact, same with girls nothing is too personal, believe me they never stop needing Mum, my oldest is 33.😊

100% speak to her. My mum was always open and honest with me and it made our relationship stronger and made me more careful about things like that. Of course she knows about contraception already, she ain’t been living under a rock I’m guessing! But to hear her mum is thinking of her in this way should be good for her. Just be cool about it 😌

Very very late for this conversation! I never had a conversation with my mum but I made sure that I did with my two boys. Am very open with them even now they are adults

Having said all that, I wouldn't assume someone of that age is having sex - this generation are waiting longer and average age is low to mid 20s I think. Gauge her reaction - she might not even be thinking about it yet.

I'm going to second this. My generation (early 90s), everyone I knew was desperate to lose their virginity by 16/17. Talking to my kids older than this and huge numbers of their friends just aren't bothered, for a variety of reasons - the hassle of relationships (which seems very different in today's world), the fear of stds and pregnancy, porn sex expectations.

Just read full thread. Am shocked!! You need to talk to her about contraception and consent pretty urgently I’d say. You’ve put her at huge risk imo. Time to let go of your embarrassment and just face it. The consequences for your daughter could be huge..

There are lots of 18 year old who aren't having sex! My DD and most of her good friends haven't had a boyfriend and haven't had casual sex. In fact most of the teens I know didn't have boyfriends or girlfriends until they went to Uni. I've had a chat to DD about safety if drunk etc but haven't had a specific conversation about contraception although we talk about all sorts of stuff over dinner etc. I'll bring it up when needed although she will know all about it. Same with DS- he's younger but had a girlfriend briefly. But unless they were doing it whilst ice skating or in the public library I don't think he's had sex either!

I remember being drunk and talking to my 14yr old stepdaughter about my abortion which was probably great contraception advice.

This can’t be the first time you are talking with her about this surely. She’s a grown woman now! I’d say you’re many years late!!

Agree with @PlopSofa

We're not in the 1950s anymore. I don't know anyone who doesn't have open and honest conversations with their teens/20 somethings, boys and girls, about sex, contraception, relationships, porn, drugs. These things aren't embarrassing, they're a normal part of life. Be embarrassed or ashamed and you're setting your kids up to think there's something embarrassing and shameful about sex.