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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner doesn’t share

37 replies

Susieblues · 05/01/2025 16:48

when my family phone me they call on FaceTime and my partner and I share the conversation. My partner and I are both divorced, have lived together almost nine years (no wish to marry again) and live in a different country to both our families. When my partners sister phones he doesn’t even put the call on speakerphone so I can join in with the call. We all get on really well I may add. The phone call ends and I ask how his sister is and what she had to say and his reply is always “oh not much” after being on the phone for 30-44 minutes. His sister is terminally ill and struggling. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to join the conversation?

OP posts:
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Nantescalling · 28/01/2025 20:52

Apoart from him keaving yoiu out of their conversations, why don't you cakk her yourself? Nothing to lose ?

emmax1980 · 05/01/2025 19:27

Could you call her separately?

caringcarer · 05/01/2025 19:14

Stop sharing your family phone calls. If you want to speak with his sister give her a ring.

ploppiness · 05/01/2025 19:07

Why would your family want to speak to your boyfriend every time? Do they never want to just speak to you? Beyond weird.

Equally, why do you need to know details of your boyfriend's conversations with his family. Verging on controlling.

Ace56 · 05/01/2025 18:59

It’s weird to expect to talk to your partner’s family EVERY time they call. Sometimes yes, or maybe sometimes where you drop in and say hi and then go off again. Add in the fact his sister is terminal and it’s completely understandable they want to talk on their own. You have only been with him for a few years so his sister is obviously closer to her brother than she is to you.

twohotwaterbottles · 05/01/2025 18:49

I've stopped calling my brother for this reason. "Oh X is here you're on speakerphone". Then the call is awkward and stilted as no one knows who's talking to who and when. It's beyond shit and a bit pathetic. So just let him get on with it

Edenmum2 · 05/01/2025 17:50

Yes, you are being unreasonable if your partner does not want you to join. Neither me or my DH would expect this (or desire it) of each other

Meadowfinch · 05/01/2025 17:43

She's in a very difficult situation. The details her illness are very personal. In her situation, I wouldn't want to share either. I'd just accept the she needs what she needs and you have to go along with her wishes.

user23124 · 05/01/2025 17:42

If anyone put me on speaker phone and 'shared the call' I would never call them again (except work obviously) if DH asked me to do this I would think he'd gone mad. It really is incredibly invasive and odd. I speak as someone who lived in a small 2 man dome tent with DH for 2 years so we are very close!

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 05/01/2025 17:40

WigglyVonWaggly · 05/01/2025 16:56

He’s entitled to a private conversation with his own sister, no matter how mundane. Yabvvvvvu indeed.

What the heck have I just read. You don't need to share conversations like this. You are being really weird.

Anoisagusaris · 05/01/2025 17:38

Ring his sister yourself if you want to talk ri her!

Shared phone calls, including FaceTime, sound awful to me!

moleeye · 05/01/2025 17:35

Yes this is super weird

Been with DH 22 years, this wouldn't occur to me. Give him some privacy

Sounds controlling on your part

Choccyscofffy · 05/01/2025 17:32

Do the same to him, next time your family call speak to them alone.

But re his sister - I would let pass, she may need just a 121 with him.

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/01/2025 17:31

Bizarrely, 5% posters think op is reasonable. No doubt they think as a family everything is shared

Moveoverdarlin · 05/01/2025 17:26

I’ve been happily married for 20 years. Wouldn’t ever occur to me to put a phone call to one of my family members on loud speaker so my DH could join in.

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 05/01/2025 17:24

You can't think of a single reason why you're partner would want to peak to his terminally ill sister alone?

I absolutely adore my sons partner, but when I had cancer I wanted to just talk to my son alone sometimes, if she had tried to insert herself into every conversation I would have been really pissed off.

OneLoudHam · 05/01/2025 17:20

Christ do you want him to spit his half chewed gum into your mouth as well so you can make sure you're sharing the experience?

Maybe crawl out of his arsehole and get a life of your own.

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/01/2025 17:20

The idea of him being involved in every call with your family is just weird to me. Is there a reason that you can't speak to your family without involving him? Does he actively ask to be involved, or is it something that he has been dragged into over the years? He's entitled to privacy, and so are his family.

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/01/2025 17:16

I rarely share calls with anyone. To the point that I didn't realise it was a thing. Call her if you want to talk to her

Cynic17 · 05/01/2025 17:14

I got on well with my in laws (they died many years ago), but I would never have dreamt of barging into any calls they had with their son, my husband. I mean, speakerphone probably didn't exist then, but all this enforced sharing is a bit 'yuck'. We are all entitled to our private, separate relationships, even when we're married.
So yes, OP, YAB very U.

nonbinaryfinery · 05/01/2025 17:10

You're well out of order. People are entitled to privacy.

FortyFacedFuckers · 05/01/2025 17:08

Honestly I find this very strange, my partner would never join in on any of my phone calls and I would never want to with him! Surely if you are close to his sister you can call her yourself?

PlannerG · 05/01/2025 17:07

Facetiming is different that a phone call. Having a conversation with his family is nothing to do with sharing.

JHound · 05/01/2025 17:04

Does his sister want you to join the conversation?

edwinbear · 05/01/2025 17:03

YABVU. Of course he can have private, one to one calls with his sister. I’ve never once joined in when DH calls his mum, that would be really weird. If there’s any important news he tells me afterwards. If she or I want to speak to each other, if we’re organising a family trip, or she wants to ask about birthday/Christmas present ideas for him, we call each other one to one. I’d find it really dull having to sit through one his catch ups with his mum to be honest!