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Original poster

To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

428 replies

bananapalmtree · 05/01/2025 14:37

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

  1. Open a bank account in my name -
Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.
  1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

  1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

OP posts:
TopshopCropTop · 05/01/2025 15:56

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/01/2025 15:54

No he wouldn't, if he were married to a financial abuser.

Inheritance laws exist for good reason.

Show quote history

The OPs husband doesn’t sound abusive though. Rather just a sensible man trying to manage the family finances with a wife who by her own admittance “isn’t good with money” and has ADHD.

The DH family has helped the OP to purchase the home she lived in and she gladly accepted their money. But now that she has money of her own she has no intention of contributing it to the marriage and wants to keep it. Despite the fact that she contributes significantly less financially to the marriage as it is.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/01/2025 15:55

RedHelenB · 05/01/2025 15:53

Can't fathom how a marriage can operate with him not already knowing you stand to inherit.
Juat open a savings account for now, one you can access easily. You may need it for lawyers fees if you do split up.

Whether he knows or not is irrelevant. The money is legally hers and hers alone.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/01/2025 15:55

Calmhappyandhealthy · 05/01/2025 15:51

I feel like he views himself as my saviour

What a joy he must be.

Wanker 🙄😡

Only on here would a man who financially provides for his wife and family, as well as doing his share of the other bits, be a wanker eh😂

Mamabear487 · 05/01/2025 15:55

you can open a monzo account online. Then your able to open a savings account on that account and they have a good rate atm

edit just saw you have a monzo account. You could do starling online bank it’s who I use never had any issues

Silvertulips · 05/01/2025 15:54

Both my husband and I have received inheritances and they have been ours

DH is likely to inherit a lot more than me - it’s his money - he can choose how to spend it or save it.

Married 25 years and I don’t believe I am entitled to his inheritence.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/01/2025 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No he wouldn't, if he were married to a financial abuser.

Inheritance laws exist for good reason.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/01/2025 15:54

Right so your husband has provided for you financially for years and now you come into some money you want to keep it for yourself. So what’s his is yours and what’s yours is… also yours? You can’t see any issue with that?

PlopSofa · 05/01/2025 15:53

Revolut is easy to use and is very good with international money transfers. I use it for many things abroad and at home.

Also OP, go to MoneySavingsExpert website run by Martin Lewis and find the best one for you in terms of Cash ISA.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/best-cash-isa/

Long-term if you want to grow it and not going to touch it, I would put a portion in the S&P500. It grows on average 11% per year. Of course some years are up, some are down but on average, this is the return rate. The problem with just keeping it as cash is that even with a 5% return rate, it won't beat inflation which just seems to be still be going up and up and up...

Good luck OP.

Snapncrackle · 05/01/2025 15:53

Also if you need easy access money cards with no credit checks
post office do a travel card
you can put up to 5k on it maybe more

yes they charge a fee around 15 per 1k but you have the app on your phone / no statements and you can use it as a debit card to pay for stuff and no trace

just need to pop into a post office with id and you get the card straight away

Asda do one as well

RedHelenB · 05/01/2025 15:53

Can't fathom how a marriage can operate with him not already knowing you stand to inherit.
Juat open a savings account for now, one you can access easily. You may need it for lawyers fees if you do split up.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/01/2025 15:53

Inherited assets are likely not part of the marital pot (if you don't mingle) in case of divorce.

Don't listen to ill-informed twits online, OP. Don't mingle the funds and get advice from a solicitor if you do wish to divorce.

This is your money. Whoever bequeathed it would not want your overbearing husband to get his clutches on it.

samarrange · 05/01/2025 15:52

Open an account with Wise (wise dot com). You can do that online - you might need to have a video call where you hold up your passport photo next to your face while they check your ID, but if you do that today it will be running by Tuesday.

Once your account is open, you get a UK account number, but also an account number in the Euro zone, the US, Australia, and several other countries. So anyone in those countries can send you money using a local (to them) transfer, which will cost nothing in bank charges and be very quick. Then it sits in a pot which you can convert to Sterling at a good rate and access online. You can also get a debit card to spend it. It also pays a little bit of interest - not market-leading but it's nice to have.

That gets the inheritance part out of the way. The clock stops and you can breathe. You don't have to decide immediately what to do with the money, and you aren't holding anyone else up. You can shop around for an ISA or a savings account, or you can tell DH about it, if you decide that that's the best course of action. (I tend to agree with PP that if you really can't tell your DH about £6k, you probably ought to be making substantial plans to leave.)

Unrelated38 · 05/01/2025 15:52

You can open a monzo account in about 5 minutes from your phone.

But he can't MAKE you do anything.
"I want you to use your inheritance towards our house deposit "
"No. I put it in a savings account "

THisbackwithavengeance · 05/01/2025 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 05/01/2025 15:51

I feel like he views himself as my saviour

What a joy he must be.

Wanker 🙄😡

Rictasmorticia · 05/01/2025 15:51

Cash ISA and choose the option for no mail. This is easy to do. Open it up with £10 now so that it is ready to receive the money.

Comtesse · 05/01/2025 15:50

SensibleJaneAndrews · 05/01/2025 15:07

And if OP was restricting her H’s access to his own money, deciding how it should be spent and making him feel like he has no say over it, it would be fair to “tear her to shreds”. But she’s not is she.

Completely agree with this - it’s a false equivalence to say “double standards” in this case.

MoetUndChandon · 05/01/2025 15:50

I was married to someone a bit like this. We are divorced now and though I am still crap with money I no longer feel so bad about it. Six grand is a nice little amount to allow you to leave and take steps to set up on your own. Put it into your Monzo.

ChristmasKelpie · 05/01/2025 15:50

Do not tell him. Before you have it paid in to an new savings account open a couple of pre paid credit card accounts (Tesco do a no fee one) and spread the amount around those, that way you will always have an escape fund at hand.

Dotto · 05/01/2025 15:50

If you agree to put it towards a deposit on your home, you could be tenants in common (instead of joint tenants) with your share ringfenced and left to your DC in your will.

kittybiscuits · 05/01/2025 15:49

sometimesmovingforwards · 05/01/2025 15:33

Agreed.

Also, just imagine this thread if the roles were reversed and a man wanted to keep money off limits and invisible from his wife. The usual loons would be out with their ‘financial abuse’ placards in a shot.
It’s good to see the hypocrisy in real life though. And in text in a forum is handy, preserves the conversational advice rather nicely.

OP's husband is doing exactly this, if you read the thread

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/01/2025 15:49

Brickiscool · 05/01/2025 15:46

But for now just set up any account for the money to go into and then worry about the best interest at a later date.

But I do think it's worrying you don't want your husband to know
Both my husband and I have received inheritances and they have been ours. We know what the other has received and we have each chosen to spend partially on joint house related projects, but there is no coercion

What is the point in guilting the OP?? Your marriage is not her marriage. Many marriages are coercive, abusive and unsafe.

And even if hers were perfect, she still has a human right to privacy. Not everyone wants to mind-meld with a partner. A bit of autonomy is actually more healthy; ask any psychologist.

OnceMoreWithAttitude · 05/01/2025 15:47

jackstini · 05/01/2025 15:08

Bear in mind that if you are considering divorce, this inheritance amount will be included in the financial settlement

You sound scared of him OP - mentioning rage if he finds out. Do you feel safe? Any DC?

Inheritance money is not generally considered a marital asset UNLESS it has been put into a joint account and / or used for any joint expenditure.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 05/01/2025 15:47

Of course this marriage will end because its AWFUL

However I appreciate that you want to take your time to work out how and when to leave/kick him out

Put the inheritance somewhere, anywhere, where DH can't find it. Not a building society as they tend to send things via the post

May I say , without wishing to sound patronising, PLEASE start to take control of your finances/life and stop leaving decisions up to DH

You need to be independent and think independently

Original poster
bananapalmtree · 05/01/2025 15:47

For those that have mentioned a Wise account.

I have a Wise account that my parents use to send us money for Birthday's and Christmas. Unfortunately the bank overseas has said they cannot send the money to a Wise account for some reason. It needs to be a 'proper bank'.

If they're able to send it to my Monzo account then I suppose I could always transfer it into a Wise account?

To clarify a few other comments DH is a good dad and will do whatever he can to provide for us. I have ADHD and have never been great with money. He does get angry with me that I've not been able to contribute more financially because I don't make as a high a salary as he expected I would and would like me to make. I feel like he views himself as my saviour. He's said I'd be nothing without him before and couldn't live the life I do without him. This is true. And I'm appreciative of it. But we have been in many arguments over the years because he has to carry the financial burden of supporting our family because I don't make enough.

Basically he implies and makes me feel like a freeloader that provides minimal contribution financially. He does an equal amount of the day to day parenting duties as well, so that's nothing for me to fall back on as a defence.

I've considered telling him about the money many times. I would rather not have to hide it from him. And there may very well be a chance that he'd help me get it into a good savings account. But there's also a very good chance he may insist I put it all or half into the deposit for our home. And as I've said, I don't have an issue with that either if it meant we could get something we otherwise couldn't afford. But I would like to be the one to make that decision, and not have it dictated to me. I would much rather tell him about the money and have him support whatever decision I make with it. But I know if I told him and if I chose to put it in savings rather than a house or something else he would be very disgruntled and would hold it against be for a very long time, constantly bringing it up as a point in arguments.

OP posts: