...to stay off work longer?

I'm so sorry for your loss, grief is hard 😔

If you can, I would suggest going to work tomorrow, even though that will feel hard. Often, the anticipation of things is worse than the reality. It may also give you something to focus on which can be helpful.

Cam you get a message to your manager or a trusted colleague saying that although you are coming back, you feel really fragile and would appreciate some support tomorrow?

Best of luck x

Dh felt the same after his son died last year. Could you talk to work about a phased return? Maybe accompanied by a fit note from the gp to say you need to build up to help manage the grief?

Both DH's work and mine were amazing when dss died. It was totally unexpected but absolutely should not have happened (not suicide). We were both given as much time as we needed, any accommodations needed were met. I went back in full time after about 4 days. Dh took a bit longer and went back for half days. Or as much as he could cope with. We were both exceptionally lucky to have been left on full pay for the duration.

I would have a really honest and open conversation with your manager and HR. Explain that you want to be working but your emotions are still raw and you are worried about the impact, ask them what support they can offer/assist with.

There is no easy answer. My dad was only in his mid-60s, still working and jointly owned a business. I had 3 weeks off sick but that was mainly due to needing to sort stuff out as I knew my employer wouldn't give me time off to sort the funeral, the business etc.

I probably only needed 2 weeks off and I felt the need to get some routine back but I understand it may be difficult for you. I was still upset when I went back but it was what I needed.

I'm sorry for your loss. If you haven't, I would strongly recommend some grief counselling to help you talk your feelings through as this was quite sudden.

With regards work, might a phased return help so that you aren't as daunted by a full week back?

Perhaps half days Wed-Fri first week, a full week at 6 hours the following week, rhen back full time. Maybe that would take the edge off it a little mentally.

I'm sorry for your loss, it’s tough💐

Grief is hard, it’s different for everyone and only you know when it’s right for you to go back to work.

I lost my dbro very suddenly and tried to go back after 3 weeks and failed completely. I ended up taking 6 weeks off and if I hadn’t been leaving and only had a short time left, I probably would’ve needed longer off.

It’s taken me months really and I still have bad weeks. Changing my job has helped a lot but the first few weeks in my new job, it felt like the worst decision ever because I struggled with learning a new role.

I did use sick leave, the GP I spoke with was lovely. Take as long as you need💐

Been there - very similar situation to you. I went back immediately because it was what was expected of me but I cried all the time and still resent work for not asking if I was ok to go back. I didn't know how it should be done because it was my first time losing a parent. Speak to your GP and ask to be signed off if you are crying all the time. Sending hugs.

i am so sorry for your loss.
Can you suggest just two more weeks? you would presumably need to ask your GP?

My initial thoughts are:

Have you tried to get any help with your grief? Just staying off work will not help and you need to actively help yourself to feel better.

Maybe talk to your manager and see if there can be a phased return to work. Although this is normally offered when you've been off long term sick but you took AL so I don't know if that will cause an issue.

Personally for me I think the best thing is to get on with life and front it out but that's not for everyone I know.

I’m sorry for your loss.
I would go back. As hard as it is it may never feel like the right time.

Go back. You might find the routine and the distraction of work useful. If in two weeks time you find you really can't cope than you'll need to reconsider and seek help. Perhaps some grief counselling would work either way.

I'm really sorry about your mum, it's horrible and tough and there's no right or wrong way of grieving.

Sorry for your loss.

It's not unreasonable if you're not able to go to work to go sick. On the flip side is there room to look at a staggered return? Perhaps reduced hours or part time. The routine and structure may help - unfortunately you're not likely to know unless you try so it's a catch 22.

Look after yourself first though. You've not had a lot of time off to process such a major loss.