...to stay off work longer?

I would encourage you to try really hard to face the barrier and get back to work as it most likely will help, but only if it's done in a way that doesn't overwhelm you. Sometimes 'performing normality' really does help you to get back into it. Also, that first step back into the office is 100% the hardest one. It is not as bad once you're there, and sometimes the longer you leave it the bigger that barrier feels.

As a couple of others have suggested, ask about phased return, I'd also self-refer for some grief counselling.

I agree with you that if you continue having time off it will only get harder and harder. Why not go back, speak to your manager, and if the full day feels too much, as for some reduced / phased working for a week or two. But the distraction of working may be just what you need, and you won't know until you try. Maybe even set yourself a "treat target" - I will go back to work and in two weeks time I am having a spa break (or whatever nice thing would be a perk for you - there's an awful lot of good deals on during January and early February as it's often the slowest time of year)

I’m so sorry for your loss.
In my experience, I’ve always preferred to return to work on a Weds/Thurs after a breavement. It get’s those difficult conversations out the way, and the weekend being so close makes it feel so much more achievable.

Perhaps you could take an extra couple of days. January is also such a long month at the best of times, anything you can do to make it pass faster might not be a bad thing.

And finally, can you do something nice for yourself on these extra few days off. Get a massage, go for a countryside walk (if mobility isn’t an issue) etc. Being around countryside I find really helps me re-centre. x

You sound like you need more time. Is there any scope to work at home for the first week, or do a phased return?

The first day back is always the hardest, maybe try it and see how you feel with a view to going home if you can't cope.

Afternoon Mum died my sister and I both felt really bad and couldn't stop crying. My sister got signed off work for 3 months and I had given up my job three months prior to help my sister care for my Mum. I felt terrible after she died but I got a new job because it was pointless sitting at home crying and feeling shit all the time. I had to concentrate on my new job and it helped me get back to normal. After 3 months of new job I felt a lot better. I went to see my sister and was devastated to find she was still stuck in exactly the same place as when Mum died. It was another 2 months before she could be persuaded to return to work so she was home 5 months in total. After she returned to work she said she started to feel better and wished she'd returned a lot earlier. She said her colleagues were all kind to her and she appreciated their support. Staying home especially if on your own most of the day will delay your recovery. Back at work I still felt sad but was working towards moving forwards. Staying home being on your own all day will make you feel worse and isolated. Go back and you'll feel better more quickly. Allow your colleagues to support you. You've already had a month off. Sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. My mum passed away several years ago in November I went returned fully after new year and honestly only managed as it was lockdown and we were fully remote.
If practical matters are taken care of you may benefit from the routine and distraction of work but there's no right or wrong amount of time to take. If you return and find it too much get signed off and have some breathing space.

It’s normal, grieving is different for everyone. although when my Dad died someone said to me ‘remember life goes on for you.’ I thought it sounded heartless but then I realised they were right and I needed to get back into my normal life.

I promise that the thought of it is always worse than the reality ... returning to work, I mean.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would go back. Millions of us are dreading tomorrow - you have that plus grief on top.. I would try and work for two weeks and then see how you feel. If you’re not coping you can get signed off for a bit longer. Grief takes a while to feel better and. Then can dip again for years on and off. It’s normal to feel so sad at such a big life event

I was in a similar position 5 years ago. My dad died on Christmas Eve in the middle of the holidays. I was due back on the first Monday in Jan. Was absolutely dreading it and I burst into tears as soon as a friend & colleague gave me a hug. I sent an email to the team to explain why I might be a bit quiet for a while. I had a couple of teary episodes but I honestly think it was the best thing for me to go back when I was due back. The first day will be the hardest, with well meaning people asking how you are & saying how sorry they are. But it gets easier when people stop mentioning it. That's what I found anyway

Would a phased return be an option - a week of half-days before going back full-time, to ease you in.

I think it's important to get back to normal as soon as possible but I'm a very practical, not emotional person.

I had the same dread after losing my Dad. I was in tears as soon as I arrived as people were expressing their condolences and asking if I was okay etc. I asked everyone (kindly) to just treat me as normal and stop being nice to me and I was fine after that! The routine and normality most definitely helped me, I was good to have something other than grief to focus on.

That said, grief is a very personal journey and we all process it in different ways. Maybe go in tomorrow and see how you feel once you’re there, you can always take further time off it it feels too soon for you.

Your last paragraph sums up what you need perfectly. Masking for other people is exhausting.

Talk to your GP and get signed off for another week, then talk to your Manager about doing another week part time (maybe half days?).

Be kind to yourself. Work will still be there in another week or two but you need to manage yourself too.

Better another week now than going back to soon and crashing hard a few months down the line and needing longer to put yourself back together.

I'm sorry about your mum. She must have been wonderful for you to miss her so much.

I always recommend staying off until you are fully well enough to cope with your workload.

Unless you have a really understanding employer, there's no benefit to putting yourself in a position where you'll be pushed to perform when you're not really at that capacity yet.

It's also fairly normal to have the sense of dread going back to work after having a long amount of time off. Lots of us will have this just from being off over Christmas let alone what you've had to deal with. Don't delay. Go in and get back to normality.

Absolutely!!! No anti depressants needed. This is complete normal response.

the reason we get so tired when grieving is because we have to often manage to personas which sounds liek what you have been doing dec and since the death because of young children. You’ve identified you need a bit of time once they have gone back.

whatever you do, there is no right way. Just keep tuning in to yourself

I'm sorry for your loss.
I've had colleagues be off for months after the loss of a parent or spouse. I've also had them work on and only take time to register the death and go to the funeral.
In short, I think everyone is different. If you do go back tomorrow, will you be able to do your job properly? If you're not ready, see your GP and they'll be able to sign you off.

i am not sure anti depressants are necessary, it is quite natural to be sad, but a couple more weeks sounds reasonable

Well there you go you have articulated what you need. Try to arrange to go back next week and speak to your Dr in the meantime.

yes work is a distraction but imv it just delays the grieving. You need to get the balance and try to allow both

I’m wondering if it all feels too much to return to work after this plus return to work on the allegedly most depressing Monday of the year?

Could you seperate the two and stagger your return.

I don’t agree it doenst help to stay off. No one persons grief journey is the same so we cant speak for others. You lost your mother by the sounds of it less than 6 weeks ago.

id give yourself what you need. Speak to your GP

Sounds like you need to see your GP for anti depressants and to be signed off sick.