SIL's Christmas tantrum

Dying to know what the sellotape-equivalent crap present was. A Pritt Stick? Tell her she's not invited in future and ditch her drama.

Imo you obviously regift her what she gave you next Christmas....

Tell her that next year's gluten free option will be 'Going somewhere else'

BIL is like this, after a few sherries he starts banging on about the small boats, I am sorry but I indulge him mercilessly as it adds entertainment value to an otherwise beige day! If you see her as the entertainment it won’t be too hard to enjoy yourself 🍿

Given that we are now in January, I would say the moment has passed. Otherwise you're just extending the drama.

But fwiw no I don't think you should bother. It won't change her behaviour. If simply being told that she was acting like a prat would fix this, it would be fixed by now.

If you do say something she is more likely to use it as evidence that she's a victim and cause more drama as a result. You can change how you do things going forward though. Don't make any special effort for her.

The only way you can survive this kind of behaviour is limiting exposure when you are feeling fragile or using humour to dispel the intensity.

Next year buy her a wig or incontinence pads and get a timer - see if you can beat last years record flounce then crack on and enjoy yourselves. Don’t take it seriously. Her issues, are just that, her issues. You have 354 days to go…. 😂

I doubt she'd change as a result of being called out, people rarely do. Agree with PP I'd avoid her as much as possible and if I needed to give a reason why then I'd be honest and say that you don't want to deal with the tantrums.

So many questions here. Where was your brother? Why hasn’t she been called out? Why didn’t you tell her the present she gave is shite when you had an alone moment with her? (So as not to make everyone else feel awkward!).

one thing in clear, staying quiet and enabling her behaviour is precisely why she continues to behave this way. In a way you’re asking for it. Get a spine to stop her ruining anyone else’s future Christmas’/ birthdays/ christenings and holidays etc and give her a sharp word. Tell her she won’t be invited in future if she continues this pantomime.

if she’s like this in front of you all, God knows what she’s like in front of your brother behind closed doors.

She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst

More fool them for enabling it

The obvious answer would be not to invite her ("because we know you don't enjoy it") but failing that isn't there anyone prepared to have a quiet word?

Why didn't you laugh at the present as you unwrapped it? Like really belly laugh at such a fucking awful present as a roll of sellotape (or similar, whatever she gave you). As soon as I would have opened it, had I been in your shoes, I would have just burst out laughing.

As for the food, I'd make a suitable meal for her that meets her dietary requirements but I wouldn't make it for everyone. The meal at Christmas is for everyone, if someone has requirements separately to that, they can have a smaller option prepared for them, or they can bring their own food and you'll reheat it but I would no longer go out of my way for her.

When she told her MiL and FiL that they bought her rubbish presents why didn't someone say out loud "SiL!!!! That's a terrible thing to say! Have you never heard the saying 'If you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing' or even 'when you get something as a gift you say thank you" - well, now you have, so if you have nothing nice to say to FiL & MiL about their gift you simply say thank you to them. As an adult you surely must have heard those sayings by now?" Call her out, indirectly at first, and then more directly over time about what she says, how she says it and how she behaves.

And she seems to need help.
😕

People really need to stop pandering to people like this. It's why they continue to behave appallingly.

We have one in our family. Has to cause a drama at every family gathering, even funerals. The rest of the family treads on eggshells around her and try and placate her to avoid a blow up.

To get through these events my dh and dc take bets on the first blow up. I won this year with the "ungrateful dc" rant.

I really wish everyone would just call her out on her behaviour but she's one of those people who loves being a victim. It would be useless. She's never wrong. Everyone must pander to her. So we just have a laugh at her expense now to get through it.

Of course! I hadn't considered that. 🙄 Apologies.

Don’t call her out and cause a rift. Just go as low contact as you can.

That really made me laugh
what a fabulous gift

Did you host? Next time don't invite her. Your dh can explain to his mum n dad why.

Why not call her out? Who cares if she sulks? This is why people like her keep getting away with such shite behaviour

My SIL is a bit like this but there was a period between 45 and 50 where her behaviour was off the saved. I refused to have her in the house for about 3 years. MIL and I had an argument about it but she ended up becoming hysterical about how horrible her own daughter was.

We are mid fifties now and she is more like her old just semi dramatic self, it’s tolerable. Hers is rooted in complete bitterness that she never married or had children. She was never one of the I love being single women who choose that and her deep unhappiness came out as anger and drama.

There is one in my family. She's very emotionally fragile, and her parents really do love her, so we bite our tongue and roll with it.

She's insufferable!

Thing is, why do some families put up with it? If I were to dare to behave in this way, my family members would soon put me back in my box. They're Glaswegian and very straight talking

Personally I wouldn’t care that she’s extended family and would call her out on her BS, especially if I were hosting!

@Calmhappyandhealthy

The sil is probably the op’s husband’s sister.

@WeCanOnlyDoOurBest - hopefully this is helpful: there is no need to quote the opening post before replying on a thread. Everyone assumes you are replying to the OP. Imagine how long the thread would be if everyone did it?

Next time put a lot less effort into appeasing her. Because the sooner she tantrums off, the sooner you can all enjoy the day.

With presents it's easiest to match the energy of the person buying for you. So this year she got you sellotape? Next year she gets a stapler - when she's pissed off 'Oh I thought you loved stationery, you got me sellotape last year?'

You can also pass the time until she huffs off by playing SIL bingo with your DH.

She can only hold the family hostage because you all keep walking on eggshells. As soon as you stop giving a shit, she's lost her power.