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Original poster

SIL's Christmas tantrum

189 replies

maoleis · 05/01/2025 10:45

My SIL joined us for Christmas Day. She wanted a dairy and gluten free dinner, which we sorted. Then we opened presents. She sulked about what she was given, then abruptly left, telling MIL and FIL that they'd bought her rubbish (she was given really nice stuff). I would have expected this from our little one, but SIL is 40.

On the subject of random crap, SIL gave me an absurd present (think something as bad as a roll of sellotape), with which I of course pretended to be delighted.

I find her such a pain. She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst, and few people in the family seem capable of calling her out on her BS. Because she's extended family, I bite my tongue, but AIBU to want to call her out? She completely ruined the vibe for the rest of the day.

OP posts:
sparkorstill · 05/01/2025 15:09

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sparkorstill · 05/01/2025 15:09

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NWQM · 05/01/2025 15:01

Another vote for your brother (not you) saying given the response to presents given and the gifts received in return we will not be buying adult presents for Christmas in the future except for our parents. We would like to continue to mark individual birthdays but will be guided by everyone else's wishes in this regard.

I know why people are saying you shouldn't invite her to things but also know that in real life that can be tricky. I think ideally you, your DW and her parents need to sit down and decide who will handle any future tantrums....it's between the 3 of them. Either the parents as it's their daughter or your DW as her siblings. Sounds as as if she moaning about her parents gifts but I would acknowledge that it might have been hard for them as you were the hosts. However, if she is to come again you need to understand what their strategy will be. Otherwise they host or agree to come alone

Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 15:00

kindlyensure · 05/01/2025 14:57

I mean, you have a choice.

Call her on it and she will kick off more. Let it slide and she will see herself out.

Your in-laws are probably going for the better part of valour, especially at a time like Christmas when really, who wants a confrontation?

She gave her sis a nice present, so I say suck it up. You are an addition. Are you relying on her for your 'main' present? No.

Do you give to receive? I'm guessing as a mature adult, your answer would be no again.

She sounds miserable and angry about something. Lucky you that you are not similarly afflicted.

Edited

I agree. Best to just let her do her thing and reap what she sows. Thankfully everyone else had a good time.

OP posts:
Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:58

RampantIvy · 05/01/2025 14:51

I agree. If everyone panders to her childish behaviour she will continue in this vein.

I'm not convinced the new partner will stick around if she continues to behave like a spoiled brat TBH.

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I'll be interested to see how that progresses. He's a nice chap, and sadly I've noticed him already starting to apologise for his opinions and thoughts. SIL is mean to him and couches it with 'I'm joking'. I wouldn't stand for it myself, so I wonder what he'll do in the long run. They're currently rushing into buying a house together, having been together a few months, so it's difficult to predict.

OP posts:
kindlyensure · 05/01/2025 14:57

I mean, you have a choice.

Call her on it and she will kick off more. Let it slide and she will see herself out.

Your in-laws are probably going for the better part of valour, especially at a time like Christmas when really, who wants a confrontation?

She gave her sis a nice present, so I say suck it up. You are an addition. Are you relying on her for your 'main' present? No.

Do you give to receive? I'm guessing as a mature adult, your answer would be no again.

She sounds miserable and angry about something. Lucky you that you are not similarly afflicted.

LovelyDaaling · 05/01/2025 14:56

I would have cracked open a bottle to celebrate when she left. Why let her put a dampener on the day after she left? It was up to you all to let the celebrations begin.

Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:55

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 14:49

It's a bit unfair that your DW congratulated her sister on buying you such a rubbish and insulting gift. Surely she should have been embarrassed rather than complimentary?

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My DW is very much at SILs mercy. I've noticed over the years that what SIL wants SIL gets, and this applies across the board with all family members. I have raised this with my DW, but it hasn't ever gone well.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 05/01/2025 14:51

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 14:49

It's a bit unfair that your DW congratulated her sister on buying you such a rubbish and insulting gift. Surely she should have been embarrassed rather than complimentary?

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I agree. If everyone panders to her childish behaviour she will continue in this vein.

I'm not convinced the new partner will stick around if she continues to behave like a spoiled brat TBH.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 14:49

maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:44

My DW got a watch. This is something she'd asked for and actually needed.

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It's a bit unfair that your DW congratulated her sister on buying you such a rubbish and insulting gift. Surely she should have been embarrassed rather than complimentary?

Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:48

rollon2025 · 05/01/2025 14:47

her brother - my DW

Sorry this confused me. By DW do you mean dear wife?

Ask her to host next year and ask for a spa day for yourself next time

Yeah dear wife yeah

OP posts:
rollon2025 · 05/01/2025 14:47

her brother - my DW

Sorry this confused me. By DW do you mean dear wife?

Ask her to host next year and ask for a spa day for yourself next time

Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:46

I should add that there is a glimmer of hope in the form of the new partner. From what I gather, he has a habit of calling SIL out, so I'm following that with interest.

OP posts:
Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:44

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 14:37

Was your DW's present from her sister equally bizarre or did she get something quite nice? It sounds as though your SIL is indulged to a ridiculous extent.

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My DW got a watch. This is something she'd asked for and actually needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:43

Autumnalmists · 05/01/2025 14:41

Well ask her for spa weekend back and gift her the notebook and chorizo as that is obviously what she wanted.

Seriously I would done eryth8ngbi could to ensure she did not get the spa weekend after her outburst… contact the spa and see what they can do about that.

They've already redeemed it. We got it for her and her partner. They said they had a nice time, at least. I should probably update her on how I'm getting on with my sausage (60% remains).

OP posts:
Richiewoo · 05/01/2025 14:43

I definitely call her out on it. She's a spoilt brat.

RampantIvy · 05/01/2025 14:42

contact the spa and see what they can do about that.

I think this is a good idea.

I wonder if the SIL doesn't approve of the relationship.

Autumnalmists · 05/01/2025 14:41

Well ask her for spa weekend back and gift her the notebook and chorizo as that is obviously what she wanted.

Seriously I would done eryth8ngbi could to ensure she did not get the spa weekend after her outburst… contact the spa and see what they can do about that.

JC03745 · 05/01/2025 14:39

"wow, you like sausages don't you?' 😆

OMG, can't believe your wife said that! Next year, buy SIL just a bog standard pack of raw sausages and use the same phrase back to her!

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2025 14:37

maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:33

My DW very much indluges SIL. Lots of "wow, you like sausages don't you?' and similar congratulations for SIL

I of course made a huge fuss about how much she'd hit the nail on the head. It was, after all, all my Christmas was missing.

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Was your DW's present from her sister equally bizarre or did she get something quite nice? It sounds as though your SIL is indulged to a ridiculous extent.

RampantIvy · 05/01/2025 14:36

Don't spend so much on her next Christmas. Don't invite her for Christmas day, and tell her to grow and and stop spoiling it for everyone else.

She sounds awful. I would simply stop indulging her and ignore her petty tantrums.

Edited to say that @Peaceandquietandacuppa's idea is brilliant. Do that.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/01/2025 14:35

maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:30

Yeah, a totally standard chorizo. I did wonder if there was something Freudian about it. Maybe I'm supposed to f myself with it.

We gave her a spa weekend, for comparison.

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next year, get her the exact same presents. A5 notebook and a chorizo, plus a similar item to what she got her sister. Watch her reaction and say “oh but I so loved the presents you got me last year, so that’s where I got the inspiration”

Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:33

TheSandgroper · 05/01/2025 14:32

As you think you will be seeing more of her per annum now, perhaps draw up a bingo card the more outrageous the better - and cross episodes off as you are presented with them. Just for your own fun, of course.

This is a really good idea, thank you. It'll help me find the funny side.

OP posts:
Original poster
maoleis · 05/01/2025 14:33

JC03745 · 05/01/2025 14:21

Her gift to me was a blank A5 notebook and a chorizo

As in a chorizo sausage? 😆
Unless you are a connoisseur, it was bellota pig and has some gold mixed it- how utterly bizarre. Did anyone laugh. Did your wife not laugh or saying anything?

My DW very much indluges SIL. Lots of "wow, you like sausages don't you?' and similar congratulations for SIL

I of course made a huge fuss about how much she'd hit the nail on the head. It was, after all, all my Christmas was missing.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 05/01/2025 14:32

As you think you will be seeing more of her per annum now, perhaps draw up a bingo card the more outrageous the better - and cross episodes off as you are presented with them. Just for your own fun, of course.