SIL's Christmas tantrum

@maoleis YANBU OP. It wouldn't be so bad if, at least, you and your DW were aligned and called out your SIL on her appalling, childish behaviour, instead of your DW enabling her DS like the rest of their family does.
I have to say though, I think you've already found the funny side of this situation and these comments of yours made me howl with laughter:

"Maybe next year I can give her a poem, written on lined paper, and framed, about my experience with said chorizo."

"I of course made a huge fuss about how much she'd hit the nail on the head. It was, after all, all my Christmas was missing."

"I should probably update her on how I'm getting on with my sausage (60% remains)."

Just brilliant OP! 😂😂😂😂😂

Two sherries. Or port. Any port in a storm.

I am with those who have urged tolerance. It sounds like your SIL is lacking the capacity to join in, be happy and share in the odd pleasures of extended family life. When she goes petty, you will have a better time staying generous. Better example for children on dealing with difficult people, too. Calling out is a flawed strategy in these situations. Try and see it not as pandering but as supporting the positive energy for everyone else if there is a next time?

Save a £1 selection box and give that to her for her birthday.

I think you need to tell DW how upset you were. Really play up the upset bit.

And don’t feel you need to see SIL a lot.

You can’t ge expected to host them every year. Tell DW now that next Christmas you want to have it with you parents, or just your little family.

My 50 year old Stepdaughter gave me a packet of Poundshop crackers for my birthday on 29th December so Christmas crackers AFTER Christmas !!

I shouldn’t be surprised if she has Emitionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) from what you’ve shared, particularly repeated behaviour of this type. That said, even if she has, she also has a responsibility to let her feelings impact on everyone around her and get some mental health support. I’d want to take responsibility for my own healthy boundaries for the future & not put myself or my immediate family in the way of her. Misery loves company but it doesn’t have to be yours 🤷🏼‍♀️

My MIL is like this. She has undiagnosed severe ADHD

what the hell! and SHE'S the one that complained about her presents being rubbish. you should have said "swap you the notebook and sausage for the voucher, then."

I have a sister like this and she's ruined so many lovely family gatherings because of her selfish, nasty behaviour. I have completely blocked her from my life now and feel so much better because of it...(life's to short to be dealing with Misogynistic AH)

main character syndrome.

Or. If you Have to buy her presents. Make sure they are ALWAYS sausage based from now on as she clearly loves them or she would'n't have given you a Choritso would she?
Extra large (and smelly) salami from an online Italian Deli...
Or even better opening a fancy Fortnum's & Mason's presentation box to find black pudding scotch eggs...
Not forgetting a whole Black Pudding itself, "real, craft black pudding, with fresh pig's blood ... from our local county abattoir. Fresh, real blood black pudding so rare most fans have never eaten it."

They are probably great presents for foodies (Not for me tho) but it will be a great wind up

regift the awful present to her next year

Oh my giddy, she gave you a regular supermarket chorizo and you gave her a spa weekend…..MN fanfare - we have found a new MN ‘saying’ to add to Jimberley and those beakers for your chorizo…

Quick, redeem the spa weekend yourselves so that she turns up or tries to book it and it’s gone. After all if she wants a tantrum then it may as well be for good reason.

Might be worth letting her know that although she is happy to put up with such bullshit it's unreasonable of her to expect you to swallow it down and clap along like a seal.

Might be time to float the idea of you not attending gatherings for which the family loon is in attendance, for fear of youy accidentally telling her what a giant twat she is 😁

This.

Do not let her do anything that comes between you and your spouse.

Depending on what her issues are she may actually be trying to provoke a reaction and to then get sympathy as the victim.

I have an incredibly malicious SIL who does everything to interfere and manipulate. If I called her out I can guarantee I would be portrayed as the bad guy.

Reduce contact. Let your spouse deal with their relative. Support them.

Good luck.

It’s really something you need to discuss with your DP, if it’s her sister.

If she’d rather not challenge her behaviour, then you should seek to understand her reasons and respect this, as it’s her family. But you should make your DP aware of how hard you find it to deal with disrespectful behaviour, which makes you feel uncomfortable, in your own home.

If you find it difficult to spend time with SIL, I suggest leaving it to your DP to visit her in her home, out somewhere or at their parents’ place. On the odd occasions she comes to your home, ask your DP if she minds if you’re out or not expected to interact too much.

Personally, I’d probably just accept what she’s like and not let it bother me. Her problem, not yours.

Your problem is the whole family, including your DW and her own partner do not want to do anything about her behaviour, they think putting up with it is the only way to deal with it.

What is the worst that could happen if you started setting your own personal boundaries and sticking to them.

Personally if you had gone to the effort and expense of hosting, and buying her AND her partner a Spa Day... and got a notebook and sausage in return - I would stop buying presents especially for a sulker. Life is just too short.

Whilst I agree with the idea that its the thought that counts - hers was a shit and borderline disrespectful thought. We all agreed to just buy for the children, but I always brought my SIL a nice "hosting" present.

I reacted with "funny" to this post because it's so funny it's verging on the ridiculous. You gave her a SPA WEEKEND and she gave you a notebook and a sausage??????????????

She is the 'Golden Child' from whatever branch of the family she grew up in. No one challenges her on any of her behaviour. You say she's moved closer to where you're living? Then I think you will need to have a conversation with your DW to make sure that you have some simple and straightforward boundaries in place and just implement them when she is around.