SIL's Christmas tantrum

Interesting I’ll try that too. Great advice

Interesting! I’ll try that too. Great advice

I’ve got a sulky sil. She brings the whole atmosphere of the room down. You should have seen her sulky face on Boxing Day at a family gathering. I’ve had years of it. I find it hilarious now. She’s an attention seeker. Moody miserable person, god knows how her husband and grown up kids puts up with it. (They walk on egg shells btw)
she selfishly took up all the seats with her belongings and got the major hump when was asked to move them. I’m still amused by it now 3weeks later! And she’s still got the hump and not talking LOL

Adult having a tantrum? Just say to her
'Excuse me, exactly how old are you, do you need to go and sit on the naughty step?'

No-one has the right to behave like a spoilt child. Was she visiting your house? If so, you absolutely have the right to tell her to grow up, especially if nobody else will. And I would point out that in future if she gives crap presents, that's what she's getting. I consider that I'm polite to a fault, but I would not tolerate this, especially if it's in my house.

I don't comment very often but this is so true - the minute I stopped giving my MIL oxygen, and ignored it, her stroppy nonsense lost what little power it ever had.

Yeah this isn’t autism this is covert narcissism. My own family are full of them and it still took me more than 15 years to realise with my SIL.

Christmas is a minefield and I spent years being stressed and upset as she belittled me, ignored me or rolled her eyes. She got given an expensive laptop, all singing all dancing and she pushed it away like it was a piece of crap.

She used various anxiety disorders to blackmail her parents into submission and my DP used to toe the line. Drove me mad that she treated everyone so badly but was the undisputed queen.

Been no contact for a long time now and it’s very peaceful. Same situation with me now being the queen bitch and after many many years of pleading my DP now sees the light.

I called out my narcissistic SIL a number of years ago. Previously all the family would pander to her. Because I didn't I was the biggest bastard unhung, she told numerous lies about me to other members of family. Some believed her. Gradually she has managed to alienate all but a few and hardly anyone speaks to her. I'm glad to have seen the back of her. Hope you get some peace from yours.

Tell the family you’re spending Christmas on your own this year and if they ask why, just say you’re both sick and tired of SILs moods and tantrums. Don’t waste your money buying presents for her in future. Better still, book some time away at Christmas, you don’t need to tell them either.

Just buy her a sugar dummy and tell her to grow up, Christmas is hard enough as it is without shite like that from an adult.

I sort of take a firm don’t be ridiculous stance. But in your case, I’d say happy to host again, sil you are in charge of your own Yorkies, and get her a box of chocolates (or a dietary friendly equivalent). Fuck the spa weekend. Say calmly and cheerily last year I saw your parents get you what you asked for but it wasn’t quite right still, all the loud upset gave me gift anxiety. I know you like these at least! I call that politely explaining the fuck around and find out principle.

and if she leaves early in a huff pour some champagne and glass tap with your dw, for the Christmas win.

Her F had been divorced from her M 10 years when we met.She was a grownup
She doesn't like the idea of sharing daddy
Tough ,we are all one family .
She visited (With other family) on Boxing Day and 100%blanked me.Even when I spoke directly to her
I am not hosting Boxing Day ever again .
There is rude but then there is ignorant toddler behaviour
Enough

Given that she "tells people she hates me" I'd say she put quite a bit of thought into it - and her thought was "I want to piss her off and tell her how much I despise her".

29 years? She won't change. It's time (well past time!) you stepped back and left the buying of presents for her to her father.

I was so insulted
I have ALWAYS given her exactly what I give my own adult daughters and am very generous
I know all about "It's the thought that counts" but there was no thought at all
I may get a box of the most bling crackers I can find and gift them to her on her(August)birthday !!

I think the OP would've mentioned a relevant learning disability. I also don't think ADHD, diagnosed or otherwise, would excuse this behaviour from an adult for me. I would be opting not to spend further time with them.

We have been married 29 year
Sdaughter was 21 when we met
She tells people she hates me
I have 2 similar aged daughters of my own and 5 wonderful Gkids
My lot love him and call him Gdad.He is the only Gdad they have and the love flows both ways
she resents this!!

Keep the chorizo for this purpose and 'regift ' it, (can't believe I used that word,), next Christmas, no need to waste it.

Present receiving and present opening can be really tricky as an autistic person myself.

I wouldn't be too quick to judge the genuineness of her diagnosis It's pretty difficult to get a diagnosis of autism despite the programs on the BBC. They did a massive amount of damage to the Neurodivergent community when it came out.

Perhaps she should be a bit more challenged but understanding autism and ADHD in women would be a really good starting point

That said none of it's an excuse for behaving really badly at the dinner table. One could presume that her rapid exit was related to overwhelm however no one needs to do it rudely.

If she was able to understand her own needs and explain what she needs and how it needs to be i.e. I might need to go and leave after lunch in case it's too much she needs to be able to articulate that to you so that you can help, otherwise you can't be a mind reader

If you really want to help her look up neurodivergentlou on Instagram or Facebook. She puts great content out explaining exactly what it's like to be an adult female with autism.

I can see the OP's point about the effort for Dairy and Gluten free with XMas dinner, you don't realise unless you've had to do it yourself as I did once.

Many pre-prepared roast potatoes have a flour coating to assist in crispiness, you have to be careful a turkey isn't butter basted, careful with starters that may contain bread or milk products e.g. mayo, something to spread pate on which can't be bread. Desserts can be a minefield too; trad Xmas pud has flour, most other desserts available have things like cream in them.

She sounds like a very ungrateful spoilt brat.! Don't bother giving her a present next Xmas as she is obviously far to superior to be bought for. And if/when she makes a fuss about it, hand her a mirror and say take a long lhard look at yourself princess , we have had enough of looking and listening to your tantrums. Sounds harsh i know but fair world don't revole her!

What form does the tantrum take ?

If the gluten free and dairy free are health needs I wouldn't have mentioned them. However all the rest is rude and unacceptable

Christmas is a difficult time for single people surrounded by families, it may reinforce in her the fact she is alone, I would try and ignore her behaviour as much as possible and let her family deal with her. You are an in law and I think if you pulled her up on her behaviour it would go down badly
Most families have to deal with at least one badly behaved relative at Christmas

What happens if she has dairy? If it's lactose intolerance I would be swapping cups... At least you will know why she has flounced then...
Betting it's an attention seeking tool...