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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about my husband?

38 replies

Frettingwife · 05/01/2025 01:14

Actually, I don't think I'm BU but I need a hand hold and some positive vibes. My husband (mid 60s) has long standing, early onset Type 2 Diabetes and CFS/ME which manifests with IBS amongst, other things. He is proactive in controlling his Diabetes and has a good relationship with his GP and Consultant but has never managed to get into a prediabetic condition/remission over the 25 years he's been diagnosed. However, the professionals have been fairly happy with his control and his weight has been stable at the overweight/obese threshold for years. He/we have just realised he has lost 10 kg in 3 weeks over Christmas without trying. No other symptoms apart from a bit of what he assumed to be IBS flare up (alternating loose stools and constipation, increased odour). Obviously, we realise it could be bad news...or not; he will be straight off to the doctor to get it investigated on Monday. I am a terrible worrier and don't need help envisaging the worst. I realise this will be completely anecdotal but please tell me your stories of sudden, unexplained weight loss that turned out to be something benign or at least manageable.

OP posts:
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Hello39 · 07/01/2025 23:07

I lost a lot of weight without trying when I had IBS. Especially around flare ups. And Christmas is a time when I would have been especially careful of my diet, and not been able to overeat.

My IBS has pretty much gone away now (lot of stress removed) and I'm putting all the weight back on.

AngelicKaty · 07/01/2025 23:02

Thanks for the update OP. At least your DH is "in the system" now and investigations can continue in fairly swift order with, hopefully, a benign outcome. Take care. 🤗

Whattodointherain · 07/01/2025 18:15

backawayfatty1 · 05/01/2025 02:17

For me, it was suspected ceoliac disease. Also have ME & IBS - usually d type but more c recently which was unusual for me. Having to wait for follow up blood work then endoscopy to follow

It was coeliac disease for my husband too but it took a long time to diagnose it, although it's a fairly simple test. Sudden substantial weight loss out of the blue.

Itiswhysofew · 07/01/2025 18:13

That sounds good. Have a lovely evening with DH.

Original poster
Frettingwife · 07/01/2025 18:11

GP was great but there is a discrepancy between his records and the surgery's. They reckon only 5 kg loss, not 11 kg. However, she is not dismissing the issue and he is booked for blood tests and repeat appt in 2 weeks. No stool sample required at present as there is no change in his bowel habits. Can't decide if I'm more reassured or just puzzled that the weight record is different. Am just going to try to put it out of my mind for the next fortnight.

OP posts:
HotelDuVine · 06/01/2025 11:39

Frettingwife · 06/01/2025 09:56

Thanks, everyone, your posts have definitely helped. DH had made appt before I was up. It's for tomorrow afternoon but worth waiting 24 hours as is with the GP who knows him inside out. Receptionist was great and he had no trouble being taken seriously. Will keep you in the loop but might be a few days before I get back whilst they run the initial tests.

Edited

Hope all goes ok OP x

AngelicKaty · 06/01/2025 10:21

Well done to your DH for grasping the nettle (too many men ignore their own health) and best of luck to both of you. 🤗 xx

Original poster
Frettingwife · 06/01/2025 09:56

Thanks, everyone, your posts have definitely helped. DH had made appt before I was up. It's for tomorrow afternoon but worth waiting 24 hours as is with the GP who knows him inside out. Receptionist was great and he had no trouble being taken seriously. Will keep you in the loop but might be a few days before I get back whilst they run the initial tests.

OP posts:
LondonLawyer · 05/01/2025 22:33

There's lots of annoying but not-terrible reasons to lose a lot of weight very quickly, including a bug that someone's picked up and is lurking, or in the case of two of my relatives, late-onset coeliac disease. Please don't panic OP, it's a great idea to get checked by the GP and have any necessary tests, but it might very well be nothing, or something that is easily sortable.

Itiswhysofew · 05/01/2025 20:46

AngelicKaty · 05/01/2025 19:08

Excellent post and I really hope you can get the appropriate treatment you need to be fully well again soon. 🤗

Show quote history

Thank you. Your very kind 🙂

MatildaTheCat · 05/01/2025 19:17

SIL early 60s lost 10kg last year and was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid. It is an autoimmune disease ( as is thought likely in ME and diabetes) so certainly worth considering.

She was silly and ignored it for too long and has permanently damaged her eyesight.

All the best to you both.

AngelicKaty · 05/01/2025 19:08

Itiswhysofew · 05/01/2025 17:45

This has happened to me twice, OP. First time was about 3 years ago and the 2nd time very recently.

I never lose weight without trying and when the weight loss happened, my anxiety went into overdrive. I was an absolute mess. I took myself to A&E because I just couldn't cope, even though I was seeing my GP about it at the same time. I had blood tests, & xrays at A&E and they found nothing wrong apart from a little gastro problem. My GP gave me antidepressants for anxiety and something for digestion issues. He also ran blood tests and they came back all clear. I couldn't believe that I was experiencing this, as I'm generally well and although I know I have a touch of anxiety, I never expected it to manifest itself in such a way.

I'm experiencing it again now and feeling it in my throat. I'm seeing a different GP, and she's examined me and told me it's anxiety. I'm going back to see her this week, as she asked me to, so that she can catch up with me. I also need to see her for reassurance.

FYI, the first time, I lost 3kg over 2 weeks without trying and this time, I lost 2kg within a week. All due to stress.

I know your mind automatically goes to the worst place, but there are so many reasons why unintended weight loss can occur. It's difficult to believe that, but it's very true. We are complicated creatures.

Take care 🙂

Excellent post and I really hope you can get the appropriate treatment you need to be fully well again soon. 🤗

Itiswhysofew · 05/01/2025 17:45

This has happened to me twice, OP. First time was about 3 years ago and the 2nd time very recently.

I never lose weight without trying and when the weight loss happened, my anxiety went into overdrive. I was an absolute mess. I took myself to A&E because I just couldn't cope, even though I was seeing my GP about it at the same time. I had blood tests, & xrays at A&E and they found nothing wrong apart from a little gastro problem. My GP gave me antidepressants for anxiety and something for digestion issues. He also ran blood tests and they came back all clear. I couldn't believe that I was experiencing this, as I'm generally well and although I know I have a touch of anxiety, I never expected it to manifest itself in such a way.

I'm experiencing it again now and feeling it in my throat. I'm seeing a different GP, and she's examined me and told me it's anxiety. I'm going back to see her this week, as she asked me to, so that she can catch up with me. I also need to see her for reassurance.

FYI, the first time, I lost 3kg over 2 weeks without trying and this time, I lost 2kg within a week. All due to stress.

I know your mind automatically goes to the worst place, but there are so many reasons why unintended weight loss can occur. It's difficult to believe that, but it's very true. We are complicated creatures.

Take care 🙂

BrassyLocks · 05/01/2025 17:20

@YouTellEmBigD I'm sorry for your loss 💐

@Frettingwife A whole range of conditions can cause weight loss, as people's replies demonstrate. Wishing all the best for your husband's tests.

HotelDuVine · 05/01/2025 17:08

YouTellEmBigD · 05/01/2025 04:26

Oh gosh! I know you said you're anxious, and that's perfectly understandable, and I don't want to distress you, but, with my dad, he'd been overweight more or less all his life, has several heart attacks, and been constantly nagged to lose weight.
Anyway, he lost a lot, very quickly, without trying, and the doctor just kept saying it was a good thing, and basically fobbed him off. By the time he eventually got them to listen and do tests, it was too late and he had terminal bowel cancer.
please make your dh go to the doctor and insist on tests! Don't let them for him off, stand firm, make a fuss of you have to, but get them to investigate.
They're so bloody focussed on "lose weight" they ignore the why, and what it could mean!
I'm so sorry if I'm adding to your worry, but, if they'd just bloody listened, my dad might have been treated and still be here! He was just in his 60s so not exactly old!

What a thing to post. V lacking in emotional intelligence. Awful.

etonmessedup · 05/01/2025 17:04

It could be a thyroid issue, that can cause sudden weight gain/loss and is fairly easily treatable.

Everything crossed that you get some answers soon!

Thelnebriati · 05/01/2025 13:09

In my case sudden weight loss turned out to be an early warning sign of a stomach ulcer, which was diagnosed with a simple blood test and treated at home with strong antibiotics.
Fingers crossed its something simple and easy to treat.

achangeofusername · 05/01/2025 12:55

Keep us posted OP. This sounds like me a couple of years ago. Turns out it was a milk allergy causing the diahreah and constipation... and the diahreah caused the weight loss. You will need to push for the tests. They'll do blood and stool tests. If he's constipated may be worth taking something like dulcoease or fybogel to move things along.

AngelicKaty · 05/01/2025 12:54

@Frettingwife Great to hear you got some sleep OP and are feeling better this morning. You and your DH sound perfectly capable of advocating for him and ensuring you receive appropriate responses from the NHS. Best of luck and looking forward to hearing your update in due course. 🤗

Original poster
Frettingwife · 05/01/2025 12:42

Finally, got to sleep about 4 am. Yes, I knew I was risking getting the exact opposite of what I asked for! Also very clear that others anecdotes have no diagnostic value! I might be a worrier but am fairly rational all the same and not feeling too bad today. Will post an update after the GP visit although I expect it will start with blood tests as the first move. We are going to insist on a same day appointment - I know he is entitled to be fast tracked.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies2 · 05/01/2025 12:39

My husband had an unexplained weight loss and had various tests to find the cause. It seems his pancreas doesn't have enough of the enzyme necessary to digest food so that he gets the nutrients from it. He has to take a couple of capsules after every meal which seems to have sorted the issue. I wish your husband well - and stop Googling because it doesn't help until there is a diagnosis and it won't help your anxiety one bit.

Original poster
Frettingwife · 05/01/2025 12:32

AngelicKaty · 05/01/2025 05:09

@YouTellEmBigD I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, but I really wish you'd paid a bit more attention to OP's post before posting your anecdote:
"I need a hand hold and some positive vibes", "I am a terrible worrier and don't need help envisaging the worst" and "please tell me your stories of sudden, unexplained weight loss that turned out to be something benign or at least manageable".
@Frettingwife I'm so sorry OP that you're awake at stupid o'clock worrying about this. I don't have any personal anecdotes, but from a quick google search, there are a number of conditions that can cause sudden weight loss in men (Type 2 Diabetes and IBS being two of them) and most of them do seem to be benign or manageable e.g. coeliac disease, overactive thyroid gland, stress and side-effects of medications. I hope your worries prove to be unfounded and you and your DH can get back to enjoying life. 🤗

Thank you - we found the same Google results! 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Frettingwife · 05/01/2025 12:28

YouTellEmBigD · 05/01/2025 04:26

Oh gosh! I know you said you're anxious, and that's perfectly understandable, and I don't want to distress you, but, with my dad, he'd been overweight more or less all his life, has several heart attacks, and been constantly nagged to lose weight.
Anyway, he lost a lot, very quickly, without trying, and the doctor just kept saying it was a good thing, and basically fobbed him off. By the time he eventually got them to listen and do tests, it was too late and he had terminal bowel cancer.
please make your dh go to the doctor and insist on tests! Don't let them for him off, stand firm, make a fuss of you have to, but get them to investigate.
They're so bloody focussed on "lose weight" they ignore the why, and what it could mean!
I'm so sorry if I'm adding to your worry, but, if they'd just bloody listened, my dad might have been treated and still be here! He was just in his 60s so not exactly old!

He is going tomorrow and is good at advocating for himself. 😊

OP posts:
Mitzuko · 05/01/2025 10:18

The best positive thing to do is seeing a doctor and push to having tests done in order to investigate .

Worrying and asking for opinions can only trigger more anxiety, moreover whenever you look on the internet or ask for an opinion more often than not the worst comes out.

Call your Gp

Catza · 05/01/2025 10:03

Happyinarcon · 05/01/2025 04:31

As a side note, chronic fatigue is associated with trauma. Get your hubby into some trauma therapy when you have time

It can be but it often isn't at all. In many cases it is post-vital. In fact we would probably not diagnose ME/CFS if there are clear signs of active trauma as one of the diagnostic criteria is that symptoms cannot be explained by any other condition.

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