Dh wants to sit in silence sometimes

We both work full time with two young DCs and most nights we want to watch tv separately and not talk to anyone, I actually thought that was normal. I didn't realise people want to actually interact after the day is done, it's too much for me after dealing with people all day, then dealing with family and then once the kids are in bed that is my time for me. We do probably watch something together 2 nights a week. Currently I am watching a history program downstairs and DH is watching something else upstairs! Havent spoken for 2 hours and it's lovely :)

But if he is watching TV or gaming then he isn't sitting in silence is he? He just wants you to be silent.

Watching telly or playing video games isn’t sitting in silence, OP!

I love the occasional night without the telly on, to read instead whereas DP wants a screen on at all times. It’s about finding a balance.

I can understand wanting to chat as well. Can you compromise on an hour or two for him to decompress in front of the tv as well as some time talking with you?

I completely agree with your DH, but luckily my DH is highly academic too. We have several ‘silent’ nights a week.

I'm the same. After a long day at work and then getting the kids sorted in the evening, I just need to sit in silence on my phone with the TV on. With DH beside me doing the same, but not talking.

I absolutely need space and quiet after work. If I don’t think I’ll get it then I sit in my car for half an hour by myself before I leave work so I can have some time to decompress. I also veto phone calls when I am driving for the same reason, I want the time and space to listen to music or whatever by myself.

I take it you’ve never worked a busy job OP? I talk all day every day with patients and am on my feet for 8 hours straight - sometimes all I want to do at home is sit alone in silence since my social battery is so dead. Most of my colleagues are the same. Give the poor man a break.

It’s completely reasonable he needs to decompress and completely reasonable you need social interaction, but while the kids are young and time is tight and precious, it might be better for you to rely on hobbies and friends.

Different strokes for different folks.

I feel like a lot of the comments are a bit unfair to OP - just because her DH has his preference, surely there should be some level of compromise when she's home all day with a baby?

There must be a way to meet in the middle somehow so they can both get some of what they need.

I talk all day at work and I really look forward to coming home and relaxing on my own without speaking. Usually I like to watch TV on my own or browse things on my laptop for a while. It's just a way to recharge.
I've also been the person who was at home a lot and looking forward to someone coming home to chat to so I can understand both sides.

Aw OP I really feel for you, it is so hard being home all day with the kids, especially a baby/toddler, and you really need that adult engagement to get through it.

As much as I sympathise with your DH - I am similar but with watching intense TV shows/films after a full day, just don't want to do it because my brain feels fried - I really feel for you and how hard it must be.

Is there maybe someone you could call for a chat some evenings?

I get how he feels. Often I don't want to talk and just want to 'be' and get lost in my thoughts without interruptions and distractions

You can borrow my chatterbox ADHD DH waffling on at you about utter nonsense drivel if you like.

Do you enjoy NHL, podcasts about video games, or weird dangerous Chinese engineering accidents?

You're welcome to a wife swap, I'd love some peace and quiet.

I think it's okay to sit in silence. My DH and I both work in jobs that have a lot of interpersonal communication all day. And just need no more by the evening.

But you do need more. It's good you have the tel chats in the day with him. Keep those (ignore the PP who said they are on his terms, they work as a communication, don't put unnecessary obstacles in the way of that). But find other social outlets.

Something in the day with the youngest?

But Most importantly something for you one evening. He can be at home with the kids for one night a week while you go out and enjoy yourself with people who want to talk. Could be a book group, a craft class, join a singing group, take up a sport and then go out for a drink after. Just something to give you extra social contact.

I'm with your DH on this one. I don't want to chat in the evenings either! I just want to watch something mindless on tv and go to sleep 😴 DH and I might chat a bit about whatevers on tv or on the news but I certainly don't have the energy for deep and meaningful conversation 😂

Some evenings I just need to sit in silence. I am around people all day from commute to getting home. I need time off people

He is "my man".
👍🤫🤫

Sounds like he is neurodiverse and seeking a period with lack of noise/ interaction. You both need to consider each others needs and come to an agreement about what will make both of you feel happy

I don't think I can blame him for wanting to sit in silence after a stressful day at work. People decompress in different ways.

I understand how he feels. My old job was full on, very 'peopley' and lots of meetings. When I got home sometimes I would need actual silence, not even the radio or tv on to decompress. Even now if me and DH are watching TV we don't really chat. We mainly chat at meal times or if we go out for a walk together.

I’m like this. I’m a teacher and I use all my socialness up at work, with the kids and then after school with other staff. I do have autism and adhd but not sure if that’s relevant. I get home and I just need peace and to not think about anything.

Your husband is an introvert. Work depletes his energy. sitting in companionable silence recharges it. see the hamster ball. https://www.dailyinfographic.com/guide-to-understanding-the-introverted-infographic

Why would he call for a chat during the day? Most people don't do that if they are busy in professional roles. It does seem strange but perhaps he fits that in between meetings or when he is walking between venues etc.

Do you enjoy his phone calls during the day or would you prefer to have some more of that conversation in the evenings, face to face?