Dh wants to sit in silence sometimes

I need quiet time after a day at work. It sounds like you are dependent on your DH for all adult interaction and if that wasn't the case you may be more comfortable with quiet time in the evenings too. Is getting a job and option? If not maybe look at going to baby groups or meeting with family and friends more. Sounds like there isn't an issue in the relationship if you've had a lovely time over Christmas, he just genuinely needs quiet time to recharge after work like many of us do.

My job is really full on. I don’t stop, the day goes quickly which I love but it is also mentally draining. I’m exhausted when I get home. Sometimes I need to sit quietly for a while, I do have ADHD though so I think the mentally draining part of my job may be more intense due to that reason.

I can totally see both points of view. I have a really busy life, full time job, single parent to two teens and very committed to exercise. I have just had 10 days off over Christmas which have been very busy including my boyfriend staying over and two days back at work. This weekend I’m taking time out to decompress and some of that includes a bit of silence. I try to make some time for silence during the week too.

However, I can also understand that being at home with a baby and having other children that you have plenty to say and most probably want adult conversation by the time he gets through the door. Does he understand this? Can you make time for date night at home once a week?

How on earth have you diagnosed ND? 🤯

Many, many people need this kind of decompression at the end of a busy working day...most (probably ALL) introverts do, in fact. I'm one of them (and if you read the posts on this thread you'll see the same!)

Introverted people are not neurodivergent, they simply run out of capacity and energy to be sociable, and need to recharge.

Love how some people are so damn quick to call 'ND' at the slightest difference to their perceived norm! 🤦‍♀️

There is nothing more utterly annoying than mind-numbing chit chat that serves no purpose only than breaking the silence. Good for your husband for being able to enjoy quietness.
You are a lucky woman.

Totally agree with you about spoon theory.

I felt like that throughout November/ December- only beginning to feel like I've got any spoons returning as I'm just about to go back to work...

I am like this and use spoon theory to explain why. I won’t go into detail here, but Google it. Basically my job often takes everything I have in me, and I’ve got nothing left for socialising at home.

Nope both work and now older kids and I love evening of silence.

I do remember being home with kids and looking forward to talking to dh.

I'm like him too. I crave quiet time to process everything. My tank is sometimes empty.

I don't find silence morbid. There's lots of noise, birds, traffic, planes, the wind , clocks ticking etc. I love the stillness of silence.

Is he a teacher? I am the same, I come in after work and need to wind down before I can function. Some days I might have 150 students each asking me several questions and by the time I’m home just asking me if I’ve had a good day can be a question too many. I need at least half an hour in a room by myself or maybe an hour and half if things are going on but me being left to it.

I am your husband

My husband is your husband

I work long days as does my DH and once the kids are in bed, unless we have a topic of burning importance it's downtime for both the brain and the mouth!

I have ADHD and am interested in hearing more about these weird dangerous Chinese engineering accidents.

If your husband looks like Denzel Washington I'm sold.

I love being up first, when the sun is coming up, and nobody else is up yet. Just not having to tend to anybody else first, and drinking a coffee in the peace and quiet is bliss to me. The only issue is that this is really rare, because one creak on the stairs, or coffee machine sound, and it is, "Muuum!!"😫

Yabu. Also weird he calls you so much from work if his job is that busy and stressful. I wouldn't have time to do that in my job!

I'm like you DH. I work long hours and it's litterally talking to people nonstop all day so by the time I get home I'm drained and don't want to talk! He works alone and he'd love a chit chat in the evening - it's nothing against him I'm just drained and crave silence after a busy day at work

The best time of day for me is between 8am and 10am has its the most quiet time in our house.
I love some quiet time.

Stop
Answering the phone to him
In the day.

If he complains say 'yes it's upsetting when you want to communicate and connect with your partner and reject you'

Or maybe he'll be more keen to chat in the evenings if he hasn't caught up
In the daytime

Honestly, I don't really care if he is an introvert or needs to decompress. Silence is nice. I need quiet time as well. But you can't sit in silence watching tv 5 nights a week when you have a sahm wife and she wants to have a chat and enjoy company. He needs to stop calling during the day just for a chat, he can take sometimes for himself or go to bed early but not all the time and talk about the things in the evening. Can you get yourself a hobby or meet up with friends so he can stay in silence with kids and you can have a company?

Op, I think your dh may be experiencing a full social metre. You said he was different when he was off over Christmas. He just sounds tired, and like he needs some quiet time to himself at the end of the day to decompress. My dh can be similar, but is better now our youngest is school age. When ours were pre school, dh used to call in the day to check in, which I always thought was nice tbh. When he got home I just wanted him to take the babies, so I could have nobody touching me!

Some people's social metres get full quicker than others. Are there any other Mothers you see on the school run for your older dcs? I know it isn't always easy to make decent friends. If not, are there any baby groups you could get to during the day so you get some adult conversation?

Dh and I are similar. He was WOH and I was SAHM. We talked to each other and realised that he needed to decompress from his day by silence, and I needed to reconnect with adult conversation. It took us a while to understand this, and the most productive discussions were during holidays, when neither of us were overwhelmed by our working days or stressed by each other's different needs.

Yes, having mum friends helped me, but it was dh that I wanted to reconnect with.

We came to an understanding: I didn't bug dh when he took some time to sit in silence, after which he listened and interacted with me. Some evenings were more silent, some were more chatty. We paid attention to each other's needs and compromised.

When I started to WOH I found that I also needed some quiet time to decompress. I explicitly explained this to my dc, so they understood to leave me alone for 20mins or so.

Dh now WAH. He is far more relaxed in the evenings. Still happy to sit in silence, but does not have the same need to do so. I OTOH still need to reconnect with him when I come home. Reconnecting with dh is my decompression from work, which I could not get when dh was WOH and I was coming home to a household of dc.

Like so many things in a relationship: communication and compromise.

I'd go out, if I was you OP. Every single evening, as soon as everyone has eaten, "I'm off out". Take your time for yourself if he isn't prepared to share any of his with you.

Op said she also has a baby, so that is a full time job in itself. She said she is a sahm, and I think from her post it is evident she doesn't have those things. I find comments like this, a bit unhelpful/ passive aggressive, "if you don't work?" 🙄

Talk to him, tell him how much you enjoyed Christmas and being with him. See if you can reach a compromise, maybe not every day or after a particularly bad day, but some evenings.

Can you find things to watch that you both enjoy? What does he say when you talk to him?

You say you chat during the day, what about when he comes home? Is it all about the kids/with the kids?

I'd ask for a compromise. Check in / catch up for say 30 min then quiet.

You could cuddle while watching tv. So still connection but quietly