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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be unsure about DS going to this party?

187 replies

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:04

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like.

He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea.

(ds is the only boy going.)

I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

OP posts:
Acommonreader · 05/01/2025 10:47

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:10

It’s my NCT group - there are seven of us and he’s the only boy.

I don’t really know, it’s very subtle and sometimes so subtle as to make it seem ridiculous even mentioning it. But there are sometimes a few ‘huh honestly BOYS’ sort of comments - once at soft play I went to rescue DS who was being wrestled to the ground by another kid and I heard them all talking about how awful boys are - I mean, they didn’t use those words but that was the gist. And then there are often long discussions about hair and styling, or similar.

I know this will make little sense but I feel they like DS as an individual but not as a boy. Very hard to explain! And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?

Show quote history

With respect - I doubt the birthday girl’s choice of party has anything to do with your son. She has chosen a party she wants. He can go or not go.
I think it’s a shame that firstly you think that a princess party is exclusive to girls and secondly that you think your sons sex is such a significant factor in other people’s choices.
My ds would have had fun at any type party at 4 years old as long as there were games and cake!

Dracarys1 · 05/01/2025 10:47

I was probably glad to have a girl first time. I was a nervous first time mum and I felt like I 'knew' girls so it felt easier somehow. I now have a boy too and he is so lovely and wonderful and I'm so glad to have him but sometimes you can't help the way you feel, especially when it's all new and you're learning the ropes of parenting. I'm sure they're not trying to be hurtful.

Original poster
leavehimthere · 05/01/2025 10:43

Yes - I think even the ones who aren’t overly precious about their girls have an air of ‘so glad I had a girl!’ Third time lucky is horrible though.

OP posts:
Hippee · 05/01/2025 10:39

Some of my friends with girls are a bit precious and superior about having girls. Comments have included "third time lucky" and "I'd like another if I could guarantee a girl". I thought they were a bit ridiculous, but it didn't bother me. I never did NCT but my friend did and there were all kinds of dramas. It's a pretty artificial way of meeting friends - you have one big thing in common, but it's all the little things that make real friendships. Try not to overthink it - if you and DS get something out of it, carry on, if not, don't waste your energy. Hopefully they aren't the only kids in the village.

Original poster
leavehimthere · 05/01/2025 10:33

Marleigh0 · 05/01/2025 10:29

So are you expecting them to not go and do the things that you can't do just because you can't do them?

I’m a bit lost as to how you’ve extrapolated that. Maybe you’d like to explain why, as I haven’t said that and I don’t think I’ve hinted or suggested it but maybe I’ve given the impression unintentionally that this is the case?

OP posts:
Dracarys1 · 05/01/2025 10:32

My NCT group also had 7 girls and 1 boy. I was one of the girl mums. If the majority have girls there is obviously going to be a bit more in the way of 'girly discussions, especiallyas youre all FTMs. For my DDs 3rd birthday she had a princess party. The 1 boy was invited and came as a pirate I think. It honestly never occurred to me that he would feel pushed out. My DS aged 4 has been to 2 princess parties and a barbie party and just went in his normal clothes and really enjoyed himself. Don't read too much into it and let him enjoy the party.

Marleigh0 · 05/01/2025 10:29

So are you expecting them to not go and do the things that you can't do just because you can't do them?

xmascrackerr · 05/01/2025 10:28

I think it’s more about you and how you feel different to your friends, especially given your last update.

For the party it’s really not that deep, at 4 my DD had a princess party, I asked her what party theme she’d like she said princesses so that’s what she had. We had boys there who had a fab time, in fact two years on one of her boy friends mum told me recently he still says it was the best party he’s ever been to!

I think the undercurrent of the ‘girl mom’ gang and maybe you feeling different to them after having a second child is colouring your view of this issue.

Original poster
leavehimthere · 05/01/2025 10:24

I hope they like me and I like them, but this issue does rear its head sometimes and as the children get older that ‘divide’ is becoming more obvious. It’s interesting some have blamed me for it and I’m not sure why.

I am also the only one who has another child and I think that’s been hard, because often they can go off and do something and I can’t, so the girls have made this tight little group and some of the mums have encouraged this because they like being girl mums, it’s something that’s come up before.

I don’t think it’s as stark as ‘they don’t like you’ or ‘you don’t like them.’ But I do think DS is a bit of an intrusion on the party!

OP posts:
Longma · 05/01/2025 10:23

Jellytrain · 05/01/2025 00:25

No little lads want to dress as a prince!! Is that even a costume?!

You've never seen a little boy wearing a prince type costume? I'm surprised tbh. We have prince costumes in the role play box at school and it's often used.

Longma · 05/01/2025 10:21

If a 4 or 5 year old wants a ridiculous sexist party concept like that there is something amiss

What's wrong with a 'princess' party?
What's wrong with children dressing up in sparkly clothes, enjoying dancing and singing and liking a little tea party?

Why is a little girl liking princesses sexist all of a sudden?

Eldermillenialyogi · 05/01/2025 10:17

I think what’s troubling me is that the invite was sent out generically to the group chat (fine) and then a long discussion on who was going to be what princess ensued and then the host tagged me and said ‘of course DS can come if he really wants to.’

OP this is a different issue to what you said in your OP and if this is the wording used I'd worry that they didn't really want me there. Based on what you've said it seems like they don't like you very much and you don't like them very much. The fact your child is the only boy shouldn't matter if you all get along but clearly there are issues.

Original poster
leavehimthere · 05/01/2025 10:16

I very much had the impression he’s invited because he has to be (DS can come if he really wants to) but I can see that’s perhaps misguided, its strangely worded though.

OP posts:
Longma · 05/01/2025 10:14

I didn't have an NCT type group but most of DD's friends when she was at nursery were boys, so she got invited to a lot of little boy's parties. Many had 'boy' type themes, if we have to label them. Dd didn't feel pushed out or excluded - she went along and had fun with her little friends. She wore whatever she wanted to on the day.

I guess as dd was often the only girl, or at least girls were in the minority, we saw things from the other side with some parents - about 'boys will be boys' type things. From whichever side it comes from - and ime it happens on both sides - it's all nonsense. They are all just children regardless.

Eldermillenialyogi · 05/01/2025 10:12

I think my DS (similar age) would enjoy this

If you don't think yours would then you don't have to take him but don't rule it out just because it's a princess party

Longma · 05/01/2025 10:10

Is this a specific child's birthday party?
Or is it a party for all of the children's birthday in the group?

If the first - then it's up to the birthday child and parents to decide on the theme. If they decide on a princess theme cause that's what the little girl likes, then it's fair enough. You can chose to take your child or not.

If it's the last option then the decision on theme should ideally have been made as a group, unless you're not footing the bill and so,wine else is.

Longma · 05/01/2025 10:06

He hasn't been pushed out, subtly or otherwise. Infact he has been included - he is invited to a party which, presumably, the birthday child has chosen.

He can wear his own clothes, a princess dress if her prefers or any other fancy dress. I highly doubt he will be banned from entering the room if he isn't in a princess dress!

westcountrywoman · 05/01/2025 09:02

DD went to an Elsa party when she was 4 or 5. She wasn't a particularly girly girl and hated princesses, but was good friends with the birthday girl so went anyway. She had a great time as it was predominantly all about the games, food and running about with her friends. Her friend Daniel was the only boy there - he had a fab time too - dressed as Spider-Man (his favourite character at the time).
You're overthinking this. If he likes the birthday girl and enjoys a party, go for it.

rwalker · 05/01/2025 06:39

Put some trousers on him will long socks over them to to keep knees with shirt and waistcoat send him as a prince

CurlewKate · 05/01/2025 06:27

@Applesn " I think you should choose a girl ds likes and you find their mum does not have the 'boy stereotypes' and dress ds as that child's 'add on character' so if one is Snow White, could he be an apple or a dwarf? Or Olaf if there is an Elsa etc?"

I don't know much, but I do know that a dwarf costume is a seriously bad idea...

Aussierose2 · 05/01/2025 00:58

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:10

It’s my NCT group - there are seven of us and he’s the only boy.

I don’t really know, it’s very subtle and sometimes so subtle as to make it seem ridiculous even mentioning it. But there are sometimes a few ‘huh honestly BOYS’ sort of comments - once at soft play I went to rescue DS who was being wrestled to the ground by another kid and I heard them all talking about how awful boys are - I mean, they didn’t use those words but that was the gist. And then there are often long discussions about hair and styling, or similar.

I know this will make little sense but I feel they like DS as an individual but not as a boy. Very hard to explain! And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?

Show quote history

People are saying your being ridiculous but I totally get there might be vibes you are picking up on. You don't have to hang out with these people if you don't want to find some friends that make you and your son feel welcome and comfortable ❤️

allfurcoatnoknickers · 05/01/2025 00:47

SeriousFaffing · 04/01/2025 23:50

My son is 4 and, for what it’s worth, loves loads of stereotypical boy things and would blooming LOVE to attend a princess party.

To dress him as a prince or even a unicorn would be absolutely fine, or just let him dress how he wants to.

Edited

Totally agree! My son is 5 and obsessed with hot wheels and dinosaurs, but he's been to two princess parties and loved them. One was Moana themed and one was Frozen and both of them had a princess impersonator.

2fallsagain · 05/01/2025 00:31

My dd had a frozen party when she was 5 half the kids came as Elsa, 2 didn't dress up as they didn't like dresses/dressing up. The 2 boys came wearing Olaf T-shirts. Everyone joined in the games, ate cake and left with a party bag.

You are overthinking the party but sounds like this isn't just about the party. A lot changed with nct groups when the kids start school. It will likely just naturally evolve.

Jellytrain · 05/01/2025 00:25

No little lads want to dress as a prince!! Is that even a costume?!

Jellytrain · 05/01/2025 00:24

pizzaHeart · 05/01/2025 00:07

Of course mum chose the theme, and based her choice on daughter’s interests, her age and availability. She probably did teddy bears tea party already and her girl is too young for ceramics painting or trampolining hence princess party.

Prince Charming would be a good costume option for your boy.

Or just go Spiderman like most 4 year old boys?!